


Kaleidoscope of Loud Heartbeats

by Akira_kun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 12 year gap, Adulthood, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Children, Detectives, Eventual Happy Ending, Friendship, Future Fic, Getting Together, Japanese National Team, Love, M/M, Morning After, National Team! Oikawa, Reunions, Reversible Couple, Sex, Slow Burn, detective! iwaizumi, iwaoi - Freeform, life is harder than it should be, love is not an easy thing, oiiwa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-05-30 16:16:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 58,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6431419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akira_kun/pseuds/Akira_kun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa has always dreamt with the stars and there was a day where Iwaizumi was the boy who held his hand and dreamt along with him.</p><p>Twelve years later, there are no stars, no dreams, and no hands being held together.</p><p>Twelve years later, there are different people, and different lives, and different paths.</p><p>Twelve years later, there are new hopes for an old dream and the hard realisation that love is much more painful than it should be.</p><p> </p><p>Or: Iwaizumi and Oikawa broke apart and spent 12 years in silence. And when they reunite, things are not so simple anymore and their lives take a tumble. Or two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Butterflies turned to dust

**Author's Note:**

> **A.N.:** Yes, the IwaOi hell got me too! I confess I'm weak against these two bastards. Oh, babies! I've been plotting/writing this for over 2 months now! And only now I got the ability to publish it! Arg!  
>  Please keep the tags in mind. This first couple of chapters are a bit intense and angst - I mean it!
> 
> I'm aiming for more or less 10 chapters, let's hope the plot bunnies don't decide to fuck up with me (ʘ‿ʘ✿)
> 
> Title of the fic comes from _"Welcome to New York"_ , by Taylor Swift (because I'm weak and I fell into TayTay's music spell and I kinda plotted all the fic with 1989 and yeah... all chapter titles will also be 1989's quotes, ah! I'm that lame and proud! :D )
> 
> If anyone that is reading this is a regular reader of mine, you might find some similarities between the base of this plot and one of my previous Naruto works. I have a few guilty pleasures, sue me x)
> 
>  
> 
> **Beta-ed by lovely: JustAnAvidReader**
> 
>  
> 
> No further ranting!

****Chapter 1** ** **  
** _"Butterflies turned to dust"_

 

 **23rd of September, 2015**  
**Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department**

 

_“It’s match point for Japan and it’s Oikawa serving!”_

Voices filled the room. Cheers and exclamations echoed as everyone present watched the game displayed on the LCD screen with intensity. Some declared their full support for Japan while others enlivened the Captain of the National Team with a contagious enthusiasm that could be felt across the whole floor.

Iwaizumi sighed and looked at the black coffee cup the waiter just placed on the counter. The final game of the 32nd Volleyball World Championship: Japan vs. USA. Japan was winning 2-1 and if they scored that match point, they would win Worlds. Iwaizumi took the cup with the hot coffee to his lips. He didn’t turn around to look at the TV and watch the final rally. He closed his eyes when the referee whistled the order to serve. He breathed deeply and heard Oikawa’s hand hitting the ball in his monstrous serve. A lower toned receive was barely understandable over the excitement of his co-workers and the spike plus receive on Japan’s side was greeted with even louder voices.

He caught himself holding his breath, lips pressed to the cup. Empty mind, all his attention fixed in the melody of the game he knew by heart. The USA team got the ball up after one of those nasty spikes Ushijima was still so damn famous for. It was back to Japan side. Nishinoya received and passed to Oikawa.

The rally was running long, the players were anxious, the public thrilled with all the euphoria of a World Championship final and Iwaizumi didn’t need to see it to know how relaxed and extraordinarily focused Oikawa was. _Because he knew his team, he knew that game, he knew what he had to do to win. Because that was his dream!_

_“SAKUSA SCORES! JAPAN IS THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!”_

Iwaizumi released his breath and opened his eyes slowly. The coffee was no longer burning hot when he finally sipped it. He could tell everyone was jumping around, celebrating, screaming, a thunderstorm of happy adrenaline rushing through everyone’s veins. It had been a few decades since Japan had last won Worlds, so the enthusiasm was understandable. An imperceptible smile brushed his lips before he drank all the coffee and set the cup down on the counter, turning to leave the Department’s bar.

He walked closer to the wall, away from the cheerful mass of people, and dared, for a second, to glance at the TV. Oikawa’s bright smile was all he could see before he turned away and walked out without much of a sound.

**\---**

He wasn’t even back in his office when his phone started to buzz. Line* messages from old teammates, from his mother, from people he met when he was still the Ace of AobaJousai. Everyone had seen the game, everyone was sharing the good news and he knew too damn well that every single one of them was expecting a reaction from him. He knew most of the Japan current team, he played with them and against them in high school, he was someone who breathed volleyball and couldn’t live without it. So watching the National Team, lead by his best friend, win Worlds? Oh yes, everyone definitely needed a reaction from him.

And that was the last thing Iwaizumi wanted to talk about.

Walking into his office, he closed the door and dropped his tired body onto the fake leather couch. He reached to his vest and took out a strawberry flavoured lollipop ( _someone should have warned him that changing his smoking addiction to a lollipop addiction was not a very bright idea_ ). He leant back on the couch and closed his eyes again, breathing out as the creamy strawberry flavour melted slowly on his tongue.

Volleyball had left his life when he finished high school and the victory at the World Championship wasn’t going to change that. The Police Academy he joined after graduation left him very little free time. In between theoretical classes like Introduction to Criminal Law or Human Relations, and physical training like Firearm Skills or Self-Defense, there was no time to play volleyball or to watch volleyball or to go out and talk about volleyball like his group of friends was so used to. And when he graduated from the Academy, he got himself so deep into work he was actually awarded a promotion to Assistant Inspector at the young age of 23. The _Inspector_ title came three years later.

“Iwaizumi-senpai!” Kindaichi yelled as he burst the office door open and his sparkling eyes landing on the other man. Iwaizumi sighed. For a moment, he had forgotten that Kindaichi had joined him at Police Academy and, later, at the Organized Crime division of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department. “Have you watched the game?!”

“Ah…” It was easy to ignore the Line messages and the phone calls, but Kindaichi was standing right in front of him and it was not like Iwaizumi could just remain silent. Karma was a bitch, right? “I… heard the final rally, yes.”

“IT WAS FANTASTIC!” Kindaichi yelled, slamming the door shut and jumping in front of the couch. “SAKUSA’S SPIKE WAS TREMENDOUS! TREMENDOUS! I’VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A PERFECT-”

He kept ranting and gesticulating and yelling and laughing about the game. Iwaizumi could understand him, of course, he could. Watching the people you know, the people you played with for so many times, so many years, take the National Team to World Champion was something indescribable. The older man tried to tune off for a bit, ignore Kindaichi’s rant without being rude, but the younger was making it hard.

“-AND THEN NOYA-SAN RECEIVED! AND OH MY GOD!” he jumped from one side to the other, as he replayed the rally with his own body. “I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THAT BALL BEING RECEIVED! AND OIKAWA-SAN WAS SO- ah!” he stopped abruptly, black eyes staring at his senior, letting a heavy silence drop in the room. Iwaizumi thought that Kindaichi looked almost like a lost puppy. “I’m sorry… I forgot you don’t… that volleyball is not your… thing anymore.”

“It was a great game, Kindaichi. I understand your enthusiasm,” Iwaizumi said, his voice plain and simple, stripped of emotion. “The guys did a great job. A World title is not something that falls from the sky, after all!”

“Senpai…” he hesitated and Iwaizumi waited patiently, watching as Kindaichi bit his lower lip and scratched the back of his left hand with more strength that he probably needed. “The… AobaJousai Volleyball Club alumni are going to gather this Friday night for drinks. Nothing too big or fancy,” he gave Iwaizumi a quick and weak smile before continuing. “Anyway, we would like to have you around as well. And… Oiwaka-san said he would find a way to show up…”

“I’m sorry, Kindaichi, I’m not free on Friday night,” the Inspector said. Kindaichi looked disappointed, but he didn’t push any further. It was a big shot to be able to gather all AobaJousai alumni under the same roof. “Maybe next time.”

Only there wouldn’t be a next time and Iwaizumi knew it. And even if there was, he wouldn’t be attending.

The end of high school had been too dramatic and too extreme for Iwaizumi. His life took an 180º turn, his entire routine was trashed and rebuild from scratch. He woke up one day and there was no more Miyagi, no more AobaJousai, no more friends or family around, no more volleyball, no more… Oikawa.

_Damnit…_

How much he forced himself to not think about Oikawa? How many sleepless nights before he could stop dreaming about Oikawa? How many nightmares before his body gave up to tiredness and forced him into a dreamless sleep that wouldn’t last long and left him as exhausted as he was before? Days and days of anguishing over someone who stayed in his past. Months of depression and almost despair as he couldn’t just get over his turmoils. He had lost Oikawa and, consequently, stepped away from everything familiar to him. He drowned in his studies, in the physical classes, in anything he could find that would take his mind of his past. His oh so damn recent past, that hurt like a century of torture upon his soul.

Twelve years had passed since then.

And Iwaizumi wasn’t sure he recognised Oikawa’s voice anymore.

 _Probably not_ , he thought, looking away from Kindaichi to the rain that was falling slowly outside. _It’s been too damn long._ Without a word, without a card, without a Line message. They parted at graduation, pushed by some silly teenager fight that got too big, too strong, too out of control and too proud. They didn’t call on birthdays, they didn’t call when Oikawa joined the National Team nor when Iwaizumi was promoted, they didn’t call when Iwaizumi got shot on a mission nor when Oikawa had surgery because of his knee. They didn’t visit the other at the hospital, they didn’t send flowers for graduations nor a birthday or new years card.

They parted.

And they never reunited again.

**\---**

The clock on the wall marked half-past nine when Iwaizumi decided that the day had been too long and he needed to go home. The game finished around eight something and, since then, all he had written on his reports was garbage. He was too far lost in memories made of dust, in feelings he wanted to forget but kept coming back to haunt him. He groaned, frustrated, and got up, grabbed the jacket of his dark grey suit and his overcoat, and shoved another lollipop into his mouth before turning off the lights, leaving the already empty office right after.

The damned game had pushed a wrong button, dragging a whirlwind of oppressive emotions into his chest and heart. He felt like he was back in his academy days when he was doing his best to shut down all those feelings, and failing miserably. He didn’t want to think about volleyball, about all it meant to him, about all the memories it gave him. He didn’t want to go on a trip down memory lane, not when he had given up so much in order to be functional again.

“Who the fuck am I kidding?” Iwaizumi growled while waiting for the elevator, his jacket and overcoat already on. It was not the volleyball, it was not the game, it was not the memories. He watched games of volleyball before, he had seen the National Team play before and he was showered in memories every two weeks, when he returned to his parents home, in Miyagi. He was breaking, and his excuses for that meltdown were even more pathetic than how he was feeling at the moment.

He entered the elevator, pressed the ground floor button and leant his head onto the cold metal of the wall closer to him. A headache was starting to pound its way into him. He held his breath and swallowed dry, closing his eyes for a brief moment. The flash of a bright smile making him curse and snap his eyes open again.

He hadn’t seen Oikawa’s real smile in over a decade.

And the one he saw on tv, the one that was so pure and warm and intense, the one that was Oikawa’s deepest secret when they were 17. The one smile that was able to take Iwaizumi’s ground from under his feet, destroy his heart like it had been hit by a lightning, shatter all his resolutions and convictions and - _goddamnit!_ \- even make him forget his own name! That one smile that Oikawa never showed to anyone else, the one smile that was kept for the most important occasions, the one smile Iwaizumi knew, always knew, from deep inside his soul, that was kept for when dreams came true. That smile that Iwaizumi was always so certain that would only be displayed when he was right there, at Oikawa’s side… was seen on TV, with the glacially cold distance he never thought it would be possible in between them.

The 17-year-old Iwaizumi would find ridiculous and impossible the scenario in where Oikawa wins the World Championship and he himself is not there, in the stadium, right next to his best friend, celebrating together and seeing that bloody damned smile right in front of him.

Life was also a bitch, uhn?

He crushed the cherry lollipop with his teeth when he reached the ground floor and exited the elevator. He just wanted to go home, to collapse on his bed and pray to have his emotions back under control when he woke up on the next day. After passing through all security procedures, Iwaizumi headed for the front door of the building, saying goodnight to the night shift guard, who waved at him in return.

The rain was still falling softly, almost delicately, like a sakura petal during spring. He opened a black umbrella he had taken from the bin next to the front door and stepped into the street. A mild wind caressed his face before he pulled the lapel of his overcoat closer to his neck. He turned right, heading for Sakuradamon metro station while his brain reminded him that he still had, at least, half an hour of commuting before he could be home.

There was no traffic at that time, the street was incredibly calm and, unconsciously, Iwaizumi was thankful for that. He turned at the corner of the building, the still green trees taking most of the rain on their leaves, leaving the underneath almost dry. He looked up at the canopy of dark green and tilted his umbrella forward in order to close it.

But suddenly the air was heavy and humid and hot, very hot, too damn hot. His skin was crawling, and Iwaizumi’s respiration was forced out of his chest by an invisible strength that punched his stomach. His head was spinning, he was nauseous and dizzy. He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip, his free hand coming to cover his lids while he dared to inhale deeply, forcing his lungs to expand again.

 _Let it be a hallucination,_ he begged, prayed and beseeched to whomever or whatever would listen to him. And under his breath, he cursed.

Karma was a bitch. Life was a bitch. Why would fate be any different?

His heartbeat became loud and harsh as he turned to the person leaning against one of the trees in complete silence. The hazel eyes he had dreamt of for longer than he could even tell were on him and he felt weak. So weak he couldn’t move, he had no voice to talk, no strength to breathe, _nothing_. He stood there, under the trees which protected him from the cold rain, with those cursed eyes upon him and he just stared back.

The silence reigned between them. Seconds felt like a torturous eternity and there was no more rain, no more wind, no more occasional car passing by.

A soft, delicate, shy smile crossed those hazel eyes before drawing itself on pale lips and Iwaizumi felt his world fall apart even before that voice echoed around his name.

“Iwa-chan…” _Oikawa... Oikawa… Oikawa. Oikawa!_ “I won Worlds.”

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“Butterflies turned to dust” - Clean, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> *Line - a texting app very similar to Whatsapp and Telegram that is a HUGE success in Japan and has the greatest majority of the market.
> 
> HAPPY IWAOI DAY!  
> I promise 2nd chapter soon :3
> 
> Review, please? It makes authors happy and inspired ;*
> 
> Fell free to talk to me on twitter: **@emcakira**  
>  Or tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**
> 
> Akira


	2. 'Til somebody loses their mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s get on with the angst! (Because I have nothing better to write ahahaha). I promise after all this angst, there will be some love!!

**Chapter 2** **  
** _"'Til somebody loses their mind"_

 

 **26th of October, 2002** **  
** **Karasuno High 2 - 1 AobaJousai High**

 

Oikawa walked out of the court with his head high and his face dry. He heard the coach’s words in silence while sobs coming from the rest of the team surrounded him. He slapped Iwaizumi’s back, giving him comfort and support, right before thanking the spectators for all the cheers and screamed love during the final match of his high school career.

He coordinated the team to get ready to leave and, as he dumped into Ushijima Wakatoshi, he even put on his _insignificant pride_ to give the ace of Shiratorizawa some valuable piece of advice. Oikawa was strong and collected, confident when his entire team was falling apart around him and he was picking all the smithereens up, one by one, to make sure everyone would be ok. He gave them words of encouragement when they arrived at AobaJousai High, words of hope, words of enthusiasm. He made them promises of better days, of days when the preliminaries will not stop them, of days when their team will shine at the Nationals.

Iwaizumi knew those were lies, but he didn’t stop Oikawa from making his teammates feel better. Oikawa had the power to make people believe and hope and, in such a dark and lost moment, that wasn’t a bad thing.

They left the school together, as they always did, after Oikawa convinced the other 3rd years that their careers were far from over and that a lot of universities were looking for players like them. Hanamaki and Matsukawa told him they want to play in the same team as him and Iwaizumi, and Oikawa told them that they still have time to see the university choices and - who knows! - maybe they all would end up on the same team again.

As they walked home, alone and side by side, Oikawa’s mood started to dispel. The night fell slowly around them and Iwaizumi watched as the darkness took over not only the streets and the sky but also Oikawa’s soul. He wanted to send the darkness flying away from his friend, but what could he say that Oikawa hadn’t said himself? That he could still play in college? Or that his career was far from over? Or even that they could still arrange match practices with other schools? It was all true and even though… it didn’t help. None of it helped.

Iwaizumi knew Oikawa had the acceptance letter for Chuo University on his desk for over a month. Oikawa had been talking about Chuo University since the beginning of the year. The private university that had one of the best sports programs in the country and prided in having several Olympic gold medals as part of their alumni. The university that most contributed with young talents for National Teams. The university that had awarded Oikawa with a volleyball scholarship when the scout saw their game against Shiratorizawa at the Inter-High preliminaries.

“Your team lost, but your performance was out of this world.” The scout said. “We would be very honoured to have you as part of the Chuo University’s volleyball team.”

Oikawa’s eyes lit up in silent expectation at those words and Iwaizumi didn’t need to be told that Oikawa had the next 5 years of his life already decided.

But Chuo University was elite and he knew neither Hanamaki or Matsukawa would even try to apply there. Iwaizumi did, of course he did. His grades were good but not impressive and his dream of going to university with Oikawa was getting farther and farther away. Deep inside his heart, he knew the ugly truth he wasn’t brave enough to admit it. The truth that was so overwhelming and painful that it was starting to break through Oikawa’s iron defences and leaking its poisonous liquid into the setter’s blood.

That had been their very last game together.

“Where are your parents?” Iwaizumi found his voice and asked when they arrived at their street and he saw Oikawa’s house completely dark. He heard a delicate sigh before Oikawa smiled gently.

“They’re at my sister’s for the night. They will be back tomorrow.” And, oh god, how much Iwaizumi hated that fake smile and that fabricated calmness. “Don’t worry. They left me dinner and I won’t go to sleep too late. I’ll see you tomorrow, then!”

Oikawa hadn’t even turned around to pass through the front gate and Iwaizumi’s hand was already closed around his arm. The hold was strong and Iwaizumi knew he was shaking, but there was no way in hell he was going to leave Oikawa alone.

“Either you come with me, or I go with you,” he said in a low tone. His hand was going to leave bruises on Oikawa’s skin, but that was not important at the moment. “I’m not letting you alone tonight.”

“You don’t need to worry, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa waved his free hand and flashed another fake smile. Iwaizumi felt desperate with how easy it was to read through the lies. “I’ll be fin-”

“But I won’t be fine!” he declared, pulling Oikawa closer so they were face to face and Iwaizumi could see the curtain of tears behind those hazel eyes he knew better than the palm of his own hand. “I won’t be fine without you. So, decide! Are you coming with me or shall I go with you?”

Oikawa’s muscles flexed under his touch and he felt his friend’s hand hold his arm back gently before being pulled into the dark and empty house direction. They didn’t speak for the minutes that followed as they took off their shoes and left their bags on the couch. They ate in silence and Iwaizumi showered first. He sat on Oikawa’s bed, his back against the hall, and turned off the lights, allowing the street lamps to be the only illumination of the room.

He told himself that he was tired, that his eyes hurt, and that was the reason behind the room in dim light. He forced a little annoying voice out of his head, a voice that was telling him that Oikawa cried in the shower and he would have red and swollen eyes when he returned to the room. A voice that reminded Iwaizumi that Oikawa would not look at him, or talk to him out of embarrassment for the tears he held back since the end of the game. They have seen each other cry countless of times before, but… something was off that day.

The bathroom door was opened and closed and, in no time, Oikawa was back into the room. He didn’t say anything regarding the lights and he didn’t turn them back on either. He sank his body next to Iwaizumi’s on the bed and looked at the ceiling. Oikawa was cold, his skin was cold and his body that always felt so warm every time they sat next to each other, was close to stone. Iwaizumi tried to see the expression on Oikawa’s face, but it was dark and the setter’s wet hair was over his eyes. Suddenly, Iwaizumi felt anxious, almost lost. Oikawa wasn’t ok and he didn’t know how to help. He didn’t know what to do. And that was one of the scariest things he could possibly ever feel: not being able to help Oikawa.

“H-Hey…” he tried and his voice failed him, sounding harsh and outworn. He leant his shoulder against Oikawa’s, green eyes never leaving the setter’s face. “Are yo-”

“Numb,” was all Oikawa said and Iwaizumi felt a lump in his throat. Oikawa was still looking at the ceiling, body sprawled, exhausted. “I feel numb. I thought I would be mad or sad or angry, but… I’m just numb.”

“Is that… good?” Iwaizumi questioned, worried. Oikawa sounded so distant and weak.

“No… No, it’s not,” he breathed and bit his lower lip, tilting his head forward. “I want to feel something, anything! Anything but this numbness, this apathy!” his voice was firmer but no less weak, no less desperate, and Iwaizumi was certain his own heart was breaking at each new word coming from his friend’s mouth. He felt Oikawa shifting slightly and a hand closing tightly around the collar of the t-shirt Iwaizumi had borrowed for the night. “I need to feel something! Anything at all!”

“Oikawa…” he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to say, or how could he help. Oikawa was slipping like water through his fingers and Iwaizumi had no clue on how to keep him safe, protected, away from the despair creeping in the air around them. “Oikawa, wha-”

“I don’t know. Just do something to take this numbness away!” Oikawa implored, fisting his second hand on Iwaizumi’s t-shirt. “Punch me, or kick me. You can break my nose, I don’t mind! Just-”

“I’m not going to hit you, are you out of your mind?!”

“YES! YES, I AM!” he yelled and shook Iwaizumi again and again. “I’m out of my goddamn mind! I don’t know what’s wrong! I can’t feel anything! So, punch me! Iwa-chan, please!”

“I’m not punching you…” he muttered and felt a hand letting go of his shirt and a fist connecting with the left side of his jaw. “FUCK- OIKAWA!”

Iwaizumi caught Oikawa’s fist when he was diving for a second hit. Immediately, the other hand tried to mimic the first one and Iwaizumi pushed Oikawa to the side to avoid the punch. He tried to reason with his friend, tried to make him stop, to make him calm down, but Oikawa was not listening. He wrestled, pulling both of them into a fight Iwaizumi wanted nothing more but to avoid. They rolled over the bed and fell on the floor, Iwaizumi getting most of the impact with Oikawa falling on top of him. He got another punch before he could lace his legs around Oikawa’s waist and spin them around, pinning the taller boy under his weight. But Oikawa wasn’t stopping anytime soon. He was able to land another punch and a kick on Iwaizumi’s ribs. He wasn’t screaming anymore, but his silence was more painful than his words.

Oikawa was suffering. Deeply suffering and Iwaizumi was so lost he had absolutely no idea what to do. He felt his eyes burn and his bruised lip quiver before tears fell down his face. Oikawa kept fighting, kept pushing, kept hurting in order to try to feel and to forget and all Iwaizumi could do was stand there, defend from the blows while desperately trying to make Oikawa stop. But he wouldn’t, not even when Iwaizumi was crying and calling his name over and over again.

Oikawa wasn’t listening.

And Iwaizumi wasn’t thinking anymore.

His hands closed around Oikawa’s face, fingers tangling into wet hair, thumbs grasping overheated cheeks. Their noses bumped and their teeth clashed as Iwaizumi swallowed the frustrated grunt coming from Oikawa’s throat before their lips locked. His tears fell on Oikawa’s face and he felt Oikawa’s blunt nails digging deep into his arms before he pulled back to breathe and kissed him again, between salt and despair. Oikawa was still after the third kiss and Iwaizumi dared to look him in the eye.

“I’m not punching you, shittykawa!” he declared in a hoarse and exhausted tone. “I’m not going to hurt you! I’m not doing it!” Oikawa’s eyes were wide and poignant and his breathing failed for a moment. Iwaizumi saw his chest spasm and his lips pressing together like he wanted to avoid the flood of emotion that was about to take over him. “It’s ok. Breathe. Please breathe, Oika-”

It was Oikawa’s hands on his hair and Oikawa’s lips on his lips and they were kissing again. Iwaizumi didn’t have time to process what was happening before Oikawa’s teeth sank on his lower lip and he groaned into his friend’s mouth. And the legs that were pushing them apart and kicking him in the fight were suddenly smashing their hips together, grinding their bodies. Iwaizumi tried to pull away, but Oikawa’s hold on him was strong and that hot and wet tongue licking his bruised lip was not helping.

“Oik-” lips were on his, Oikawa’s tongue in his mouth, hands pulling his hair, and he had no possible escape. Because Oikawa was kissing him, and pulling him, and moaning his name and Iwaizumi didn’t have the strength to avoid the crash.

Tears dried as lips swelled and clothes disappeared. It was all young, immature and desperate and they couldn’t stop. The air was hot and sticky, the moans were louder and the intensity grew bigger at every new lick or caress. They tasted each other’s bodies and marked each other’s skin. Bites, scratches, bruises. Strong muscles moving in tandem, making their bodies burn with a need they didn’t know they had. Hair was pulled, breaths exchanged, red swollen lips in messy kisses and hard erections leaking without being touched.

Fingers coated with saliva, nails leaving long red lines behind and silent pleas. And then it was hot and tight around his throbbing erection and Oikawa’s back was arching and he just couldn’t stop. Oikawa’s voice was panting his name and Oikawa’s hands were on his shoulders and neck and Oikawa’s body was against his and it was all too much and too intense and too surreal.

He saw, in pure ecstasy, those hazel eyes roll back before Oikawa breathed out his name as he came, pushing Iwaizumi over the edge as well. The impact of the orgasm was overwhelming and they stayed still, in silence, bathing in the bliss of it before the hard reality came crashing down on them. Iwaizumi swallowed dry as he felt Oikawa starting to shake.

“I’m sorry,” he heard, like a whisper. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t- God! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Iwaizumi bit his lip and pushed Oikawa against his chest, holding him tight, trying with all his will to protect Oikawa from himself. But little did he know how lost Oikawa already was.

Eventually, Iwaizumi was able to drag Oikawa to the bathroom. They showered slowly in silence and in the dark, hoping that the water would wash the pain away. It didn’t. They walked back to the room and laid down on Oikawa’s bed, Iwaizumi lacing his arms around his friend, in a dire attempt keep the darkness away. The sun was about to rise when he was finally able to fall asleep and when he woke up, in the next morning, Oikawa was nowhere to be seen.

**\---**

He found Oikawa at the Sendai gymnasium, hours later. Of course, he would be watching the final match and Iwaizumi felt a wave of relief when he realised Oikawa was back to normal. He was wearing his glasses to hide the soreness that remained in his eyes. But aside from that, nothing else could remind him of the night before. Oikawa was pissed, but he was not falling into the black hole of rumbles and nightmares he had been tiptoeing around. It gave Iwaizumi a false sense of security, a wrong notion that Oikawa was fine.

The weeks that followed felt normal. They kept going to class, they kept going to practice and, aside from some new daily study session (because the graduation exams were getting closer), their routine didn’t seem to change. Only Oikawa was staying more and more at the gym. The usual 30 more minutes he always stayed behind became 40, then 60, then 120. And this time, unlike the time before when Iwaizumi was able to drag Oikawa home, the setter’s mindset was unchangeable and he was not giving up on those extra hours. Iwaizumi started to push him, trying to convince him - again! - that he was being stupid, but Oikawa wasn’t listening.

Their first argument had been at the end of November. They were alone at the gym, already too long past the normal end of practice time, and Iwaizumi tried to drag Oikawa away from the court. It was the first time he actually saw Oikawa truly furious at him. In all honestly, it scared him. Scared him so much he had no reaction to it, so he just stood there and watched as Oikawa screamed at him.

He wanted to hug him. To brush those locks of silky hair away from hazel eyes and wrap his arms around his friend. He wanted to hug him so close and so tight that Oikawa would be protected, safe forever, and he didn’t need to worry anymore. He wanted to breathe on Oikawa’s neck and tell him that everything would be ok, that their future was not scary, or dark or dangerous. That they would have each other and that alone would be enough.

But he didn’t and Oikawa stormed out of the court, into the clubroom, and away from him.

Iwaizumi wanted to punch himself for that.

“I’m not your enemy,” he said, minutes later, standing in front of his locker, his back turned to Oikawa. He opened his mouth again but he wasn’t sure what to say. I worry about you? You don’t have to do this? All that was crossing his mind sounded futile and stupid. All that crossed his mind were things he already said to Oikawa time and time again. He clenched his teeth hard and yanked his practice t-shirt over his head. He hated not being able to do something, to take Oikawa out of that ridiculous _I need to be better_ phase, to reach out and actually make a difference. He hated it so much he was actually starting to feel nauseous. And then, Oikawa’s breathing brushed the back of his nape, sending a shiver down his spine.

“I know…” Oikawa whispered as his tongue licked the tanned skin of Iwaizumi’s neck. His entire body flared awake under that. Wide eyes, gooseflesh, heartbeat loud and strong, a sledgehammer breaking his rib cage from the inside. He inhaled deeply through his nose and closed his eyes as Oikawa’s hands slid gently around his waist, teeth scraping the skin on his nape.

It was a whirl after that. Oikawa’s skin was too hot on his, strong hands marking his body, teeth biting his neck and lips stealing the last of his sanity. They ended up against the shelves of the clubroom and then, on the tatami floor. Their lips were swollen and bruised, dark spots around their necks, shoulders, chests. The burns from the tatami straws marking their backs and knees and elbows. They were exhausted, covered in sweat and hurt. So damned hurt.

They walked home in silence and Oikawa followed him into his house. They showered, they ate and they slept in each other’s arms. No questions asked, no hesitations, no half-truths. And in the next morning… they were, again, back to normal.

Deep down, in the core of his being, Iwaizumi knew it was far from over, but he hoped. Oh yes, he hoped. Hoped that Oikawa was done being reckless, done trying to surpass himself, done getting hurt - both physically and emotionally - because of that obsession of his. He hoped… and it all came crashing down two weeks later when the same situation repeated itself.

The Winter was long, that year. And with every snowfall, they fell harder and harder into that addictive and painful routine of losing themselves in each other’s arms. Iwaizumi knew it wasn’t right, he knew they shouldn’t be doing that for all the reasons and then some more. He knew Oikawa was using him as an escape when things took the wrong turn and they would end up crashing down, but… It was Oikawa. How could he ever deny _anything_ to Oikawa?

It was around Valentine’s Day that Oikawa’s knee suddenly gave up. They were in the middle of a game when Oikawa jumped to set a ball and fell hard on the floor, his knee completely strengthless. He jerked his leg a couple of times, laughed the matter off and sat for the rest of the practice. The coach forced him to go to the school infirmary and, from there, he was sent to the hospital. At the hospital, Oikawa was told he needed to stop playing at the rate he was and he needed some physiotherapy. Oikawa promised to follow all the recommendations and lay back a little on his volleyball practice.

Two days later, Iwaizumi found him at the gym, practising like a maniac.

They fought again and it was nasty. There was blood on their shirts, coming from their noses and lips. There were black eyes and bruised jaws. And as they kiss and fuck into oblivion, there were tears and fears and broken dreams.

March was the worse month.

Their fights became a daily routine, their sex came with the same intensity. Oikawa was acting like an insane, maniac person and Iwaizumi was doing all he could to stop him. Which was almost like he was doing nothing as Oikawa kept pushing all his limits for a dream he was so close to destroying completely. It was like he didn’t even believe that his knee could break apart like he believed that if he ignored his problem hard enough, the pain would be gone and he would be fine.

It was so stupid, so childish, so immature.

So painful.

Graduation day arrived. They were all smiles and happiness for the photos. Their parents were proud, their classmates were exploding in enthusiasm and they were dreading and hoping for the future which would start with April, a week from that day.

It had been a cold Winter, so no sakura trees had bloomed yet. They walked shoulder to shoulder through the campus, the final conversation regarding their university choices happening. Matsukawa had been accepted in Sendai University, so he was going to stick around. Hanamaki landed a place in Tohoku University - which had one of the best volleyball programs in the country - but he wasn’t sure he would be able to join the team. Oikawa announced that he was going to Tokyo, for the Chuo University. And Iwaizumi told them that he decided that he was going to join the National Police Academy, also in Tokyo.

(What the others didn’t need to know was that the National Police Academy, in Fūchū, was less than 45 minutes away from the Tama Campus of the Chuo University. And that if he hadn’t been accepted in that one, he would have tried Tokyo GaiDai, which was right next to the Police Academy. Or Tama University. Or any other bloody university that was on the west side of Tokyo, so he could be close to Oikawa.)

Matsukawa and Hanamaki cheered and cried a little. They all hugged and promised to keep chatting and writing and meeting whenever they would be around. They parted ways at the gate of AobaJousai High and, without looking back, each one of them went their own way.

The night was dark and cold, but Oikawa and Iwaizumi escaped to the rooftop of Oikawa’s house anyway, wrapped in blankets, looking at the clear skies above them. Serenity was dancing around them, and the mood was light and cosy. Iwaizumi was wondering how many chances would he have to do that with Oikawa in Tokyo? To just sneak to the rooftop and sit there and watch the stars. _Innumerous_ , he hoped, a silly smile drawing slowly on his lips. That moment was perfect. So perfect he wanted to keep it going forever. But life's a bitch, right? And all good things must come to an end.

Oikawa’s mouth opened and he spoke of volleyball. Of playing volleyball for the Chuo Team, of doing a special integration camp, of weeks and weeks of exhaustive work. He spoke of how much he was excited about it and how much he was going to do his best. How his unspoken dream and obsession was getting closer at each new step he took.

Iwaizumi watched his friend talking with widened eyes and his mouth agape. He asked about the physiotherapy and about the doctor's orders and Oikawa simply dismissed him. He waved his hand like he always did and smiled that fake everything-is-gonna-be-ok smile and laughed in a high-pitched tone on top of that.

Iwaizumi felt his blood freeze on his veins and his heart ache more and more with each thunderous heartbeat. He was left livid and stunned by Oikawa’s words. And this time, this time only, he didn’t punch him. Or yelled. Or made a scene because Oikawa - fucking, fucking Oikawa! - was being delusional and stupid. Plain stupid! He didn’t know exactly what he was feeling. He was past the furious point, past the angry, the mad, the raging. He was past the desperate and the worry and the sad. He was…

Numb.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked when he got up and climbed down from the rooftop. “Iwa-chan where- where are you going?”

“Home…” he muttered, walking inside Oikawa’s room, to the corridor, and down the stairs. Oikawa followed right behind him, interrogation marks all over his face. Oikawa asked what was wrong, why was he acting like that, why was he leaving without a word. He simply kept silent.

At the street in between their houses, Oikawa grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Yelled at him, demanded to know what was going on, cursed and pushed Iwaizumi against the wall and kissed him. Hard and bruising, like all those times before, bodies pressed, hands pulling hair and despair filling the air around them.

Iwaizumi pushed him away with so much strength Oikawa actually fell on the floor. And then he yelled. He yelled all that was stuck in his chest, all the pain and the sorrow of seeing Oikawa sink that low without being able to help, or to make him stop, or to make his fucking dreams come true. He yelled all the anguish that he was feeling because Oikawa was destroying himself for a dream that would certainly _not_ come true if his knee broke down. He called him a coward and an asshole, he told him that all he wanted was for him to be happy and that he would fight hard against anything or anyone that would get in the way of Oikawa’s dreams. But that he couldn’t fight against Oikawa himself and that he couldn’t keep fighting a battle that was only going to end in sorrow and tears. He was tired, so, so tired. Tired of doing his best for someone else, of giving him his everything, of living and breathing for him. And all Oikawa was doing was pushing him away and destroying himself.

His face was completely wet when his voice broke and he couldn’t talk anymore. A couple of neighbours were sneaking at the windows, trying to understand what was going on. He attempted to clean his face and hide his eyes with shaky hands.

“Go d-destroy your body, I-I don’t care,” he whispered in between sobs, sore throat and heavy heart. “Go join the National Team a-and win fucking Worlds with a wrecked knee! I don’t- care!”

He turned away and walked home.

He never saw Oikawa’s tears washing his face.

**\---**

They didn’t speak again. Iwaizumi was too hurt. Oikawa was too proud. And when Iwaizumi tried to reach for him, Oikawa wasn’t there anymore.

University started.

Twelve years passed.

Funny how one can be so close, yet so far.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“'Til somebody loses their mind” - Wonderland, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
>  
> 
> Reviews make authors happy! And happy authors write faster o/
> 
> I’ll be happy to have you follow me on twitter: **@emcakira**  
>  Or tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**  
>  For rants and questions and updates and all that jazz :3
> 
> Akira


	3. (Took our broken hearts) Put them in a drawer

**Chapter 3** **  
**_"(Took our broken hearts) Put them in a drawer"_  


**23rd of September, 2015** **  
** **Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium**

He had perfect notion of the game, perfect vision, perfect perception of every little detail around him. It was almost like time had frozen and he could, calmly, look around and see who was where. It was one of their best-synchronised attacks. Five spikers against three blockers wasn’t fair. And it was even less fair when the one manipulating the game was Oikawa himself. He knew where the USA team was and he knew exactly to whom and how to toss the final ball. Sakusa’s spike was flawless and Oikawa never felt so good with the sound of the ball smashing the court on the opposite side.

Arms and loud screams were around him in a heartbeat. Strong hands grabbing and pulling his jersey and voices shouting winning words at his ears. He opened an utterly satisfactory grin as he hugged his teammates back. Even the distant Ushijima was there, in the middle of the limbs and euphoria mess. Oikawa felt those large and calloused hands hold his skull, long fingers tangling into his sweaty hair, as Ushijima’s dark olive eyes sparkle directly at him.

“I was fucking right about you!” he stated in his deep voice, a rare smirk showing up on his usually stoic face. “You should have come to Shiratorizawa before! We could hav-”

“Seriously, Ushiwaka!” Oikawa laughed, punching Ushijima’s shoulder softly, watching as the other man also falls into a rare laugh. It was so out of character to see Ushijima Wakatoshi laugh and make jokes but… they just won Worlds! Happiness and excitement and that pure bliss of joy were all over them.

It was a whirl in between that final spike and the dinner at the fancy restaurant the team had reserved for the night. Everyone was loud and cheerful and, after a couple of hours, Oikawa felt like he could finally sneak out without being noticed. Ushijima saw him, of course he did, but he kept quiet and, mentally, Oikawa thanked him for that.

The taxi drive took less than 20 minutes and it was only when Oikawa caught himself at the entrance of Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department that he actually thought exactly what the fuck he was doing! His body acted on impulse, taking over his mind when his former kouhai’s text message arrived and letting his subconscious rule. He checked his phone when he exited the taxi. 9.02PM.

He just had to wait.

Leaning against a tree in between the entrance of the Police Department and the entrance of Sakuradamon Metro Station, Oikawa had time to clear his mind. The street was practically empty and the rain that started to fall was so soft it couldn’t penetrate the canopy of trees around him. Oikawa sighed and tilted his head back. He knew what he was doing, he had waited twelve bloody years for it! And he was not going to back off. He had wanted to do it so many times before… when he made National Team at the age of 18, when he became the regular setter on the year after, when they won the Asia Championship and when he was named Captain of the team at the age of 25. He wanted to do it so bad, just forget about the past and about stupid - stupid! - teenager dramas and ridiculous pride and just do it!

But every time he was about to step out of the gymnasium, every time he was about to press the call button, the very same words came bursting into his mind. _Win fucking Worlds_. Wet, hurt, painful green eyes staring back at him and Oikawa’s heart would ache. It would ache so much, he had to return to his routine of not caring, of not remembering, of pretending that it never happen. He would step back and walk inside the gymnasium, back to his fellow team players. A fake smile on his face and another fissure opening slowly in his heart.

Not that time.

No, not this time. This time he had won Worlds! He had done all that there was to do, all his dreams came true, all his ambitions fulfilled, all he ever imagined… done. So, no, he was not backing off. He could not back off, he would not! Their last fight was carved in his mind and he knew - oh yes, he knew - that if he had a chance, a minimum chance, of solving things between them… that was it.

Oikawa waited, protected from the rain by the canopy of leaves above him. He just stood there and waited, checking his phone every now and then, ignoring the absurd quantity of Line messages he got from his team players after they realised he had gone missing. The group chat they kept in between the National Team was full of complaints and assumptions that he had just left to meet with a woman. Or two.

“Or five!” Nishinoya wrote and Oikawa hissed at the text, ignoring it.

He noticed, then, by the corner of his eye, a dark figure exiting the Police Department building. He wanted to laugh at how lame it was that his stomach was suddenly overflowing with butterflies. Iwaizumi turned on his direction and started to walk slowly, his head partially covered by the black umbrella. Oikawa watched, with attentive and wistful eyes, as Iwaizumi unsuspiciously approached him.

The National Team Captain released a breath he didn’t notice he was holding. He had seen Iwaizumi a couple of times during that gap time. Far away at a park, or at a restaurant, or at a shopping department, but he had never walked close enough to actually see Iwaizumi in detail. (And because Oikawa would never admit that all those occasions were not exactly coincidences and he couldn’t dare to step close.) Iwaizumi looked good, honestly good. He had grown up a bit after High School and gained some more defined muscle in the Police Academy that allowed that tailored suit he was using to fit him like a glove. He had also gained a sense of style, using good suits and vests, giving him a classic figure that, as Kindaichi had mentioned once during a former Seijou meeting, made him a success among women.

Iwaizumi was grown up, responsible, handsome and elegant and Oikawa barely believed it was honestly his best friend. How did the silent and frowning Iwaizumi become such a gallant gentlemen? He was almost jealous. Almost.

Oikawa saw the other man looking up when he was no more than 7 meters from him and then, he tilted the umbrella forward to close it. He tensed and Oikawa knew he had been seen. Not just seen, but also recognised. Iwaizumi knew he was there and that, somehow, made a warm buzz spread in his chest. Slowly, he saw the man turning to his direction, umbrella lowered enough so their eyes could meet.

God, Oikawa thought, but those green eyes were still so incredibly full of emotion he was almost overwhelmed. None spoke for what felt like an eternity as Oikawa’s mind was suddenly at peace. No fear, no hesitation, no tortuous memories or anguish. He just felt… right.

An honest smile lighted upon his lips and he watched Iwaizumi’s eyes widening and he could swear he heard the Inspector’s heart skipping a beat. _Or completely stop_.

“Iwa-chan...” Oh, that name... It felt so nostalgic and gentle out of the sudden. So precious. “I won Worlds.”

There was no answer to that, but, honestly, Oikawa was not expecting one. He kept his smile on his face as he was so damn _happy_ and he couldn’t even tell why. He didn’t know how Iwaizumi was going to react, he didn’t know he was going to even acknowledge him at all, but… it all just felt right. Maybe it was the exhaustion of the most intense game of his life together with the fact that his best friend was finally - finally! - in front of him, looking at him. Oikawa couldn’t tell. But it just felt so right and he was so happy he couldn’t prevent his smile from spreading into a fully breathtaking vision.

The umbrella was forgotten on the floor when Oikawa leant forward, stepping away from the tree, and closed their distance. Iwaizumi was reactionless, just standing in the middle of the sidewalk, eyes never leaving Oikawa’s figure. They were about a step apart when Oikawa noticed Iwaizumi inhaling deeply like he was resetting his lungs, forcing them to work again. _I’m still taller than him_ , Oikawa thought fondly, _but by less than those 5 centimeters we had back then_.

“We played against the USA team. Those bastards were quite good,” he kept talking, like what he was saying matter at all. He felt like he could do it, just talk about the game, how it was, how he felt before such a powerful adversary, how his team was so focused. He felt like those twelve years never really existed and he was, all over again, meeting his best friend after a game he couldn’t attend when they were 17. “Ushiwaka-chan even got annoyed by one of their middle blockers. Can you believe that guy?! Poker face during the entire championship and, on the finals, he decides to go and be a normal human!”

Iwaizumi walked past him.

Oikawa’s eyes widened in shock when he turned around to follow Iwaizumi and saw him hailing a taxi. _No, no, no!_ He couldn’t leave. That was not how it was supposed to go! Not how he planned! Iwaizumi was not supposed to ignore him, he couldn’t ignore him! He won Worlds! He did all he had to do! Why would he-

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa cried when he saw a taxi stopping in front of Iwaizumi and the door opening automatically. “Don’t le-”

“There’s a good and private sushi restaurant about 10 minutes from here.” Iwaizumi hissed, entering the taxi, never looking at Oikawa.

He left the door open. Oikawa followed him inside.

**\---**

Iwaizumi couldn’t shake off the feeling of being completely lost. Lost between words and emotions and memories. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to yell and to clarify. He wanted to punch Oikawa in the face and tell him that they were not ok! That Oikawa couldn’t disappear from Iwaizumi’s life for twelve fucking years and, out of the blue, just drop by his work and pretend that bloody decade never happened! He wanted to tell Oikawa how that was not how things work! Not how friendships works and how much - how so damn bloody much - he was hurt and he didn’t want to smile and ignore it all!

But Oikawa was there, sat right next to him, their knees brushing slightly. He was there and he was talking and laughing and flashing his goddamn perfect smile around and Iwaizumi’s mind was blank. So he listened to Oikawa tell him about his life and his team and how boring Ushijima is because he never goes to the cinema with Oikawa to watched an alien movie. “ _Not even the new Star Wars he wants to go see, I don’t think this is normal, Iwa-chan!”_ Iwaizumi also listened to how Takeru was now the ace of Sendai's University volleyball club, how Oikawa’s sister was doing very well in her big job position and how his parents were considering a vacation to Thailand for some beach time.

After the second bottle of sake, Iwaizumi started to talk back and that only made Oikawa more eager. _“You didn’t watch the game? It was the final of the Asian Championship, Iwa-chan! And we won! How come you didn’t watch the game?”_ From then on, it became a conversation instead of a one sided rant about Oikawa Tooru’s life and it felt good. So good and so right that Iwaizumi was honestly starting to wonder if they really parted ways, all those years before. If that was not only a stupid dream he had and the truth was that Oikawa had always been there. It felt like it. And damn… how much Iwaizumi liked that feeling.

Oikawa’s hand was on his shoulder when they left the sushi restaurant, about two hours later. He was still laughing and talking about random moments of his life, the good and the bad ones. Iwaizumi opened his umbrella again since the rain hadn’t stopped. Oikawa sneaked under it and opened a grin when Iwaizumi glared at him. It was all too warm, too comfortable, too… them. Iwaizumi’s mind was a whirl and he… he just really wanted to let that feeling last a bit longer. Just a bit longer. It couldn’t hurt, right? To pretend it was all ok?

“Hey, my place is 7 minutes from here, by taxi,” Oikawa said, casually, pointing at a specific direction while his left arm was almost laced with Iwaizumi’s. “Come over? I can show you the games you missed and-”

“No.” But it did hurt after all, and he couldn’t ignore it. Iwaizumi stopped walking. They were in the middle of Ginza district, with the lights of the fancy stores and the late night drivers passing by. Oikawa was suddenly at a loss for words and just stared at Iwaizumi. “I’m not going over to your place.”

“But we just-”

“We’re not ok, Oikawa!” he declared, certain and strong and tried his best to keep his posture while looking directly into those widened hazel eyes. His heart cracked with a deep fissure. “You can’t do this! You can’t disappear from my life, completely forget about me and then just show up and assume we’re ok!”

“I never forgot about you, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa stated, his voice dropping to a lower, more urgent tone. The air was heavy. The rain seemed more intense and the humidity was starting to stick on their skin. It was hot and bothersome and hard to breathe. And, somehow, Iwaizumi felt it had nothing to do with the weather.

“But you were gone,” the Inspector sighed and looked away, his expression sad. “You were gone from my life. I called, wrote, left messages. I waited outside your dorm for hours and hours, but you never let me see you again. You were gone. And just because now you’re back… that doesn’t mean we’re ok.”

“We just had an amazing dinner! Why would you-”

“Because I’m stupid!” he hissed, turning to look at Oikawa again, the urgency and harshness gripping on his tone. “I’m stupid and I… just wanted to play along when you decide to show up and smile at me like nothing happened. But I can’t!” he watched as Oikawa’s mouth contorted and his face turned into a pained expression that had been so long since Iwaizumi had last seen it. Why was his heartbeat so uncontrollably loud? “It’s been years… we’re different people, I’m a different man. I can’t just do this.”

“But…” Oikawa hesitated, and Iwaizumi saw how much the setter’s hands were trembling. God, how much he hated all that stupid situation. “But you said… back when… it’s… Goddamnit!” and then, he was close, too close, a hand on Iwaizumi’s arm, hurt eyes piercing the inspector’s soul. It was Oikawa without barriers, without masks, without fake smiles and sweetened voice. It was Oikawa raw and crude and broken. “I won Worlds! With a wrecked knee! I won the fucking World Championship of Volleyball! Why can’t you come back to me?”

Iwaizumi froze. Left hand holding the umbrella, right grabbing Oikawa’s wrist that was pulling them closer together. His green eyes widened and fixed on those turbulent hazel ones. There were pain and sorrow carved into Oikawa’s expression. Breathless, hopeless attempts at keeping the masks up, only to have them shattering and the smithereens flying with the night wind.

A cold shiver ran down Iwaizumi’s spine and he cursed, mad. His throat hurt, his stomach hurt, his mind was dizzy and his heart… his heart was bleeding. Bleeding for all the times he tried and failed to save Oikawa, for all the times he left his own self behind, for all the times he prayed for him instead, for all the times he just wished Oikawa would hear him… and he thought the other never did.

“I won Worlds!” And they were no longer in the middle of Ginza district with a metro station a few steps away and an expensive scarf boutique behind them. They were back in Miyagi, back to being 17, back to the street between their parents’ houses, back to the graduation night. “What else do you want me to do? I won Worlds!” Raw Oikawa, crude, pained, despaired, tortured Oikawa. “I joined the National Team… I won Worlds!”

Something warm and wet rolled down Iwaizumi’s face without him even noticing it was coming. He saw Oikawa’s eyes shadowing with worry and the setter’s hands on his face, cleaning the liquid salt away from his skin. Oikawa muttered something, but Iwaizumi didn’t listen. He covered his mouth with his free hand and hid his eyes away.

The whirl was growing bigger and stronger and his anger gave away to something else. His heart was wrecked and tortured, bled out and burnt. He was exhausted and drained of any capacity to play that game. _Only it was no game_. He swallowed dry, his throat hurting and his breathing faltering. And he bit his lip, almost drawing blood before he exhaled in a shattered pace.

“Oikawa…” he muttered in a voice that he hadn’t used in over ten years, feeling his heartbeat hurting his chest, his stomach twisting in agony, his mind overheating and shutting down - again. And all he wanted was to be back in time. With a happy and smiling and innocent Oikawa at his side.

Was that too much to ask?

“Iw-” Oikawa started, but his voice failed him when he felt Iwaizumi’s free hand on his hair, caressing those rebel and fluffy locks away from surprised eyes and flushed cheeks. And teary green eyes, filled with so much emotion, broke Oikawa’s heart.

“You won Worlds…” Iwaizumi whispered, like a secret, a confession, with the purest smile he had ever displayed, watching as Oikawa’s eyes widened and a flash of too many meanings crossed his irises. “You won wor-”

He never finished his sentence. Oikawa’s hands were on his face again and Oikawa’s fingers were in his hair and on his nape and Oikawa’s breathing was on his. They were 17 again, and again their noses bumped and their teeth clashed. And this time was Oikawa the one swallowing the groan from Iwaizumi’s throat as their lips locked and they lost their minds.

**To be continued**

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“Took our broken hearts / Put them in a drawer” - Welcome to New York, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> Oikawa is not a sane person. No, he’s not (◍•₃•◍) I promise more details on how much he is not sane… soon x3
> 
>  
> 
> I’ll be happy to chat with you on twitter: **@emcakira**
> 
> Or tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**
> 
> Akira


	4. We were in screaming color

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all, please note that the rating of the fic was upgraded to _Explicit_. There's a reason for that :3

**Chapter 4** **  
** _"We were in screaming color"_

 

 **24th of September, 2015** **  
** **Park Axis Toyosu (Oikawa’s apartment)**

 

There had always been something about Oikawa’s kisses. Some strange spell or hypnosis that, without fail, would make Iwaizumi’s mind go blank. Make him forget the wrongs and the rights, make him throw all his reasonings and thoughts away, make him completely fall under that intense and unique spell that was Oikawa’s taste. He believed it had been a teenager thing, blamed the hormones and their insane sexual drive, blamed their recklessness, blamed the immaturity of the whole situation they had gotten themselves into. It was simply easier to believe in that than on the fact that Oikawa’s lips had the ability to make him lose his mind.

But he wasn’t surprised when all rationality simply vanished with Oikawa locking their lips again. All that was twirling around in his head, simply gone. Washed away with the warmness of a kiss he had missed so dearly.

And from there to being pushed against Oikawa’s apartment door, was just another whirl of voices and shapes that didn’t really matter.

His overcoat was on the floor, his shoes were thrown somewhere and his suit jacket was about to follow. Oikawa’s lips were latching on his neck as his hands sank under Oikawa’s t-shirt feeling the warmth of the skin he remembered so damn well. Their bodies were flushed together and grinding. Iwaizumi rolled his hips in a harsh movement and his stomach jumped when he heard Oikawa moan on his neck. He took one of his hands to Oikawa’s hair, pulling it and stealing another breathtaking kiss from him, before pushing away from the front door.

They stumbled on the two steps of the entryway before he felt Oikawa bit his lips while pulling him into the apartment. Iwaizumi gladly followed, making sure Oikawa’s jacket disappeared from the setter’s body. There was a door on his right that Oikawa pushed open before dragging him inside the dim room, never allowing their bodies to part.

They danced with stumbling steps as Oikawa turned them around before pushing Iwaizumi on the queen size bed and crawling on top of him. They stared into each other’s eyes for a woeful second that felt like an eternity. The hurt, the pain, and the despair were clear in their irises, all the regret of those too long years apart was like dark paint on white canvas but none of them could deal with it at the moment. There were words unsaid and feelings being locked deep within their souls, but their warmth… oh, their warmth was so vivid and so nostalgic and-

“I missed you…” Oikawa muttered, his right thumb caressing Iwaizumi’s bottom lip as tanned hands outlined his thighs over rough jeans. Oikawa’s eyes were sparkling with something that Iwaizumi would say to be stardust. Eyes full of hopes and dreams, of emotions and want, of perseverance and dedication. Eyes full of that feeling that had been consuming Iwaizumi’s for far too long, though he never dared to voice it. Eyes that hold his heart and all the smithereens of his soul. “I missed you so much…”

 _And I can not even start to describe what I felt without you_ , Iwaizumi wanted to say, but his voice was not flowing. He was lost at words and oh so full of emotions. He could smell Oikawa, and feel Oikawa’s body on his, and Oikawa’s hand caressing his neck while the other opened the buttons of his vest, he could see Oikawa, right there, almost like he had always been right there.

His stomach contracted and, for a second, Iwaizumi felt like he was about to lose his mind to the hurricane that was racing under his skin. He didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t want to feel anything other than Oikawa and all that was Oikawa. He wanted to shut his brain down and throw himself completely into the sweet oblivion of sex. And luckily, lust lashed through their bodies as their breaths met and mouths devoured the other’s taste, all rational thoughts buried and lost for the night.

Lips were bitten and bruised and tongues licked at the other’s mouth. Their hands were too busy ripping their clothes from their bodies and it was hot, so hot their breaths were like fire, burning the other’s skin. There were condoms and lube on the mattress next to them within seconds and it didn’t take long before Iwaizumi slid down on the silky sheets, drawing a path of languid kisses down Oikawa’s abdomen, nipping at his defined hip bones while dragging the Calvin Klein underwear off Oikawa’s hips and releasing the setter’s leaking erection.

(He was certain he had seen Oikawa wearing those boxer briefs before. In an advertisement. On a giant billboard in the middle of Shinjuku. They definitely looked better live.)

Iwaizumi’s mind cleared for a second and he hesitated, his lust filled eyes seeking Oikawa’s in the dark, hands pressing harder on the pale skin of Oikawa’s tights. The setter gasped and tilted his head down, looking at the man he was currently straddling. He crooked an eyebrow.

“National Team members are tested once a month. Plus, I’m a celebrity. If I had something, it would be on every newspaper and gossip magazine by now,” he breathed slyly, smirking. Iwaizumi hummed before turning his eyes back to the throbbing member in front of him.

And he could have come with the deep and raw moan that etched its way from Oikawa’s throat when Iwaizumi took him in his mouth. Oikawa’s knees were straddling his head, torso leant forward, hands clenching the sheets and, _god, but he is beautiful_. So, so damn beautiful Iwaizumi couldn’t stop looking at him.

His fingers were coated with lube and he felt dizzy, inebriated with the sound of Oikawa’s voice, so heavy with pleasure, echoing in his mind. Oikawa’s taste against his tongue only made his dazzled senses tingle and _oh fuck, how much he needed that man._

Oikawa’s hand pulled his hair as pleading hazel eyes met lusty green ones. He pulled his fingers out as he kissed Oikawa’s navel, allowing the setter to lean back on his ankles, pulling Iwaizumi to a sitting position with him. A square package was ripped open before Oikawa was kissing him again, biting his lower lip, breathing him. He sank his hands on Oikawa’s hair, forcing him to tilt his head as Iwaizumi kissed the exposed neck, leaving red marks of love and passion on the pale skin that tasted so familiar to him.

The condom was rolled down on his throbbing erection before he felt Oikawa shift slowly and then, there was just warmth tightening around him. His nails dig on Oikawa’s scalp as his mouth fell agape, but no voice filled that moan. Oikawa’s hands mimicked his and tangled themselves into short black hair as they stayed still, allowing their minds to clear slightly before the pressure of the moment could ruin it.

“Ah!” Oikawa’s voice was guttural, failing before the intensity of hazel against green. Their darkened and dazzled eyes, staring deep into each other, daring to picture all the truths left unsaid and- “ _Hajime…”_

Oikawa moved and Iwaizumi’s body spasmed, mind blanking again, goosebumps all over his skin and a delicious shiver running down his spine. They kissed again and again, and they moved in tandem, feeling each other, devouring each other, needing each other. There were bites and open mouth kisses, scratches and bruised lips, there were moans and their names echoing in the air.

There were all the feelings of being connected with the other, of being with the other, of having the other. All those intense and maddening feelings that drove them into a frenzy of emotions by the end of the senior year were back and more powerful than ever.

His broken cry against Oikawa’s throat came with the white bliss of his orgasm, fingers digging into Oikawa’s hips with enough strength to leave them marked there, teeth grasping the skin of the setter’s Adam’s apple, allowing him to feel the vibrations of Oikawa’s own moan when he reached climax.

They fell on the sheets, sweat and exhaustion all over them, tangled limbs refusing to separate. They remained like that, waiting for their breaths to calm, heartbeats becoming quiet. Oikawa was the first to move, grabbing a discarded piece of clothing to clean his stomach, letting a little whine escape when he felt Iwaizumi sliding out of him. They sat on the bed slowly, no exchange of words or looks. And the air felt suddenly cold.

“Oik-” Iwaizumi started, but the weight of Oikawa’s head on his shoulder made him stop. He felt Oikawa’s arms sliding around his waist, hugging him from behind.

“Don’t say it,” Oikawa’s voice was nothing more than a whisper and it still punched Iwaizumi hard on his stomach. “Just don’t say it, please.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, biting his abused lower lip and letting Oikawa’s body pulling him back to the sheets. He was doomed anyway, so he could at least pretend that all was good, and cuddle for sleep, even if it was just for the night.

**\---**

His face was heavily pressed against Oikawa’s chest, the loud heartbeats echoing in Iwaizumi’s mind. Their legs were tangled, flushed skin pressed tightly together, arms over backs and torsos, and peaceful breathings. It was like a dream in which they had grown up together, lived together, enjoyed life together and that was just another normal morning in between them.

He would wake Oikawa up with a soft kiss and they would cuddle for a little while before Iwaizumi got up and head for the shower. Oikawa would follow him soon after and they would waste too long in there, but they would not really care for the time. They would dress and head for the kitchen, to make a quick breakfast together before their work schedules forced them to part for the day. They would kiss goodbye and mutter those words with soft and happy voices.

_Yes… that would feel so good._

Iwaizumi let his mind sink around that illusion for longer than he probably should. He kept his eyes closed and that allowed his other senses to be overwhelmed with Oikawa’s presence, touch, smell, warmth. It was an honestly peaceful and delightful dream. It felt so perfect… how could he just shatter it and return to reality? The cold reality in which they didn’t grow up together or lived together, and that was not a normal morning in between them. The cold reality that they haven’t spoken in years, held back by hurtful and sorrowful words, by pride and insecurity. So damn much insecurity!

How was he supposed to face that?

Forcing his eyes open, Iwaizumi stared at the digital clock on the bedside table displaying 9.04 AM. He was late for work. He sighed and turned his head slowly, leaning his chin over Oikawa’s sternum and looking at the sleeping face he thought he would never see again. With his eyes, he traced Oikawa’s rebel chestnut locks and smooth skin and still bruised lips, the almost imperceptible breathing forcing them to part. _God, but he truly is beautiful_ , Iwaizumi thought as that humming feeling in his stomach returned along with all the memories from the night before and he was suddenly feeling hot.

A whirl of emotions bashed through his soul and he didn’t want to deal with any of them. He felt dizzy again, confused, anxious, lost. There was too much to deal with and he had been avoiding all of it since the moment he had returned to consciousness and realised that all that had happened had not been a dream.

Cursing mentally, he finally let his mind wander to the questions he was so desperately trying to avoid until that moment. All the doubts and the uncertainty that rose the night before, all the things Oikawa said, the way he acted, despair so damn vivid in his eyes: fear of being rejected, fear of not being good enough, fear of nearly destroying his health for _nothing_. Iwaizumi wanted to believe that it was not that. That his stupid, rushed, immature and hurt words were not the reason why Oikawa pushed himself to the extremes to win the World Championship. That it was not some ridiculous form of need to be good enough, of being better, of making sure he wouldn’t disappoint that stole his best friend from his life for twelve whole goddamn years.

A sharp stab on his chest made Iwaizumi snap his eyes shut and bit his lower lip. His head was heavy, his chest was hurting and his stomach was contracting so much, he wasn’t sure he could eat anything for the next hours. Trembling, he put his hands on each side of Oikawa’s shoulders and pushed up, slowly sliding away from Oikawa’s arms and skin. It took him a little over a minute to be able to get off the bed without waking up the other man and a cold shiver joined the mesh of bad feelings taking over his body.

He was too emotionally unstable to be able to think clearly and the fact that Oikawa was just there, deeply asleep with a serene semblance and oblivious peace, was only making his line of thought more and more erratic.

_I have to go._

Was the only coherent thought crossing his mind before he was collecting his discarded clothes from the night before and putting them on without paying much attention. He rushed to the bathroom, on the other side of the lean corridor, to water his mouth and wash his face. That would be enough until he arrived at his office. He left the bathroom and saw his overcoat and suit jacket on the floor, at the entrance, as well as his shoes messily thrown to a corner.

Sighing, he looked to Oikawa’s room and his heart skipped a beat before the sight of Oikawa’s so peaceful sleep. Iwaizumi bit his lip again and walked inside. He gazed at Oikawa for a long minute before leaning in his direction and brushing those rebel and fluffy locks away from the setter’s face.

He wished for the world to stop in that moment, so he could be there forever. He wished he could just ignore all the rest and stay. He wished there were no other feelings in the middle and he wished there was nothing that could keep them apart. He wished Oikawa knew he had always been more than enough, he had always been perfect. He wished all that past had never happened.

And then he hated himself for wishing it.

Trembling and with a unpaced breath, Iwaizumi kissed Oikawa’s forehead in a feather-like touch, allowing his bruised lips to linger on Oikawa’s skin. He inhaled deeply, smelling Oikawa’s hair and gathering enough strength to storm out of the room without looking back. He was like a flash, picking up his overcoat and jacket, shoving his shoes on his feet and leaving the apartment.

There was nothing in the world that he wanted more than to stay in Oikawa’s bed, pretend those years never happened, pretend to be happy and good, pretend his job didn’t exist and pretend that everything was ok.

 _“_ But I can’t, _”_ he repeated to himself, like a mantra, as he was leaving the building and hailing a taxi, the weight of reality crushing all of him.

_I can’t!_

**To be continued**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“We were in screaming color” - Out of the Woods, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> Kids, no blowjobs without condoms unless you really know and trust the other person and they’re tested and clean. STDs are a real thing and they kill people! Iwaizumi and Oikawa are fucking idiots! Don’t be like them!!
> 
> Angst is going to be around for a couple of chapters more, but I promise it will eventually come to an end. I promise it will end up well! I'm a sucker for happy endings, so nothing to worry about :3 Or so I say *O*
> 
> Kudos make me happy, reviews make my day <3
> 
> Say hi to me on twitter **@emcakira** or on tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**
> 
> Cheers,  
> A.


	5. You say it's in the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a new IwaOi one-shot: [What?!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7070995) Please go take a look :)

**Chapter 5** **  
** _"You say it's in the past"_

 

 **24th of September, 2015** **  
** **Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department**

 

Iwaizumi cursed as he took his fourth coffee of the day from the automatic machine on the floor where the smokers area was located. He cursed again when he burnt his tongue with the boiling liquid and cursed once more while he was unwrapping the last lollipop of the package he had bought on his way to work, four hours earlier. And the worse of it all was that he wasn’t sure he was doing all that just to avoid going into the smoking area and ask for a cigarette or if to keep ignoring his phone, which had been ringing since that morning.

He crushed the cherry lollipop mercilessly and used the very last of his self-control not to punch the hall next to the vending machine. _I should have taken the day off_ , he thought, closing his eyes tight and leaning against said unwarmed wall. There was a lump in his throat since that morning and he hadn’t been able to make it disappear. He was anxious - of course he was anxious! - and he couldn’t find a way to keep his mind off the events of the night before.

Of all the stupid things he could have done with his life… losing his mind and fucking Oikawa was definitely the dumbest. Like a reunion between them wouldn’t be complicated enough, he had to go and fuck it all up! He hated his weak mind and his ridiculous heart for betraying him like that. He hated his body and his instincts and he hated himself as a whole, because why! Why did he have to be so damn stupid?!

He should have left after dinner. He should have told Oikawa that it was too late for that conversation. He should have had the conscience to schedule a coffee or a lunch later that week. He should have come up with something - anything! - that could have prevented that from happening. Anything that could have forced him to remain sane and not. Fuck. Oikawa!

Twelve years of silence had passed. Twelve years where Oikawa was not a part of his life, not a part of his routine and should not have been a part of his thoughts. Oikawa had been gone and all the chances Iwaizumi had taken to make his former captain return to his life revealed themselves useless. Oikawa was gone and Iwaizumi learnt how to live with that. So no, he had no plan on what to do if Oikawa showed up and, especially, what not to do! Like getting emotional after a few glasses of sake or allowing them to get so close or letting Oikawa kiss him. He had no plan on what to do if Oikawa decided to return to his life.

Because, deep down, having Oikawa returning to his life had been something he no longer believed possible.

Iwaizumi sighed, eyes still closed, and tilted his head against the wall behind him. He felt nauseous and dizzy, almost like a nasty hangover, only it wasn’t of alcohol. Was Oikawa even back in his life for real? Was he back to be his friend again? Or was he looking for the carnal escape they shared for months during senior year? Would they be able to go back to being just friends? Would _he_ be able to do that? And what if Oikawa wanted more? How could he say no to him? How could he explain the tumbles his life had taken? How could he explain the person he had become? How could he explain-

“I need more coffee,” he muttered to himself, forcefully breaking his line of thought, pushing away from the wall and snatching a coin from his suit vest before turning again to the machine. He was getting himself addicted to coffee on top of his addiction to lollipops, but as long as coffee would make his mind sharp and focused on work, he didn’t care. After all, his day couldn’t get worse.

“Oya, oya?” Except that it could, and Iwaizumi hated his life.

“Oya, oya, oya?” Iwaizumi really hated his life.

“Go away,” he declared, ignoring the two vultures that were standing behind him, like waiting for him to succumb before making their attack. “I don’t want to talk to you two.”

“Oh, but we want to talk to you, Iwaizumi-kun!” He could feel Kuroo’s freaking smirk piercing holes on his back. “You showed up late, you’re in a terrible mood and, worst!”

“You have some very interesting hickeys on your neck that we have to inquire about!” Bokuto finished and Iwaizumi just wanted the ability to vanish. That would have been so damn useful.

“The very hard working Inspector Iwaizumi has slacked off work because of a passionate night!” Kuroo mocked, taking the coin that was meant for the fifth coffee of the day away from Iwaizumi’s hand. “We need more details on that!”

“I’m not talking to you!” he grunted, trying to snatch his coin back without success. Why was he friends with those guys again? “Fuck off, Kuroo!”

“But you have to!” Bokuto crossed his arms with a knowing grin. “She’s back in Japan and you don’t even tell us? That is not what best friends are for, Iwaizumi!”

“You’re not my best friend!” Iwaizumi growled, walking away but being followed closely by the two other men. “And she’s not back in Japan.”

“Wait, hold on!” Bokuto’s tone was suddenly serious and Iwaizumi knew he shouldn’t have said a word. _Fucking hell_ , that was about to get worse. “Iwaizumi, hold on!”

“It was a one night stand, shit happens, let it go!” he lied and kept walking. Kuroo’s hand was on his arm in a second and Iwaizumi knew he had no possible way to avoid those two.

“Only it was not,” Kuroo pointed and Iwaizumi wanted to punch him. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone like normal people would do?! “You don’t get to work late and spend the entire morning going crazy on coffee and lollipops over a one night stand. We know you better than that!”

“It was nothing!” Iwaizumi growled, desperate to ran away from his friends’ questioning gazes and perfectly knowing it wouldn’t happen.

“The final of the World Championship was yesterday,” Bokuto’s tone was lower and darker, like the one he used during his own investigations. Iwaizumi avoided eye contact. “You wouldn’t have gone to congratulate them, would you?”

“You wouldn’t be that stupid!” Kuroo pointed out, but his piercing eyes were full of doubt, of unsureness, of the feeling that he was defending a guilty person. And Iwaizumi’s silence was the final blow. Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Only you were! You were that stupid!”

“I didn’t go congratulate them!” Iwaizumi defended. “I didn’t go anywhere near that game!”

“But you did meet with Oikawa!” Kuroo hissed, a sharp and direct hit that Iwaizumi had no way to defend against.

“Of all the people in the world, Iwaizumi!” Bokuto pointed and the mood around them was suddenly heavy.

“I didn’t plan for this to happen! Do you think I would screw with my life and go after him?” he howled, glaring at his friends and allowing all his frustration to boil. “Twelve fucking years he was gone and I was not going to change that! I didn’t need him back! I’m not even sure I wanted him back!”

“What happened?” Kuroo’s tone was neutral, completely devoid of feelings or judgements. Iwaizumi cursed. He hated when Kuroo turned professional on him. “Iwaizumi.”

“He showed up, ok? Here! In front of the building when I was leaving last night!” he answered, looking away and trying to control his breathing. It was useless to keep anything from those two and he had learnt it the worse way possible. They had been his closest friends since Bokuto became his Police Academy’s dormitory roommate on their first year (and Kuroo was always there because he was studying at the University right next to it). They had been there during that horrible first year where he tried all he could think of to meet Oikawa. They had been there every time all his efforts failed and his world exploded and crumbled down. They had been there on the year after, when he was learning how to live without Oikawa, and the year after that one was well. They had been there. And they knew him well. “He showed up and… he talked like we haven’t seen each other in just a few days and… And I couldn’t…” he sighed, shaking his head with anger. “I’m stupid, ok? I know I’m stupid! I’m really, really stupid and-”

“We get it!” Bokuto cut him off, slapping his back hard. “You’re really stupid!”

“Definitely the stupidest,” Kuroo nodded and Iwaizumi covered his eyes with a shaking hand. “But accepting your stupidity isn’t gonna change the past, is it? So, what about you stop getting yourself diabetes and a caffeine high and go home for the day? You can come over later for dinner. You know, my _three_ kids would love to see you, uncle Hajime!”

“You’re an asshole!” Iwaizumi grunted and Bokuto placed an arm around his neck.

“We could all go out for dinner with the kids! I’m sure that would take your head off the stupidity!”

“Look, you did something stupid, but you can’t solve it by overreacting or by overthinking it,” Kuroo pointed with his typical smirk back in place. “Take the rest of the day, sleep and be at my place around eight.”

“I have the last two hours free, so I can go pick up the kids before dinner,” Bokuto offered and Kuroo smiled. “Just go home, Iwaizumi. You seriously need some sleep. We’ll figure your new Oikawa drama after you’re rested and rational again.”

“Give that brain a break,” Kuroo patted him on the back before heading for the elevator. “I’ll tell the boss you’re taking the rest of the day.”

“But what if-” he started, but the double glare he got from his friend made him shut up. “Fine. You win. I’ll take the day.” The _thank you_ remained implicit.

**\---**

“You know I’m not very good at reading people,” Ushijima’s deep voice sounded neutral and devoid of emotion as always. “So when you want to talk, can you just ask me to talk instead of asking to go for a jog and sit on a bench, sulking for a whole hour?”

“You really are a lost case, Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa looked away, his eyes hidden by the dark cap he was wearing. “How did you even get engaged with those terrible social skills of yours?!”

“Kiyoko-san proposed,” he answered, simply. Oikawa felt the urge to slap his forehead but opted against it. “I said yes.”

“And I thought these 12 years of my beautiful influence in your life had taught you something about rhetorical questions and sarcasm,” Oikawa sighed, shaking his head.

“Did you meet with Iwaizumi?” Ushijima inquired, direct to the point and Oikawa cursed. Stop asking such direct questions was also something Ushiwaka hadn’t learn, clearly. “You left earlier and you had a different glimmer in your eyes. I assumed you went to meet him.”

“And here I thought it had been the bite marks on my neck that gave that away,” Oikawa singsonged, still not looking at his teammate. Ushijima remained silent, watching how Oikawa’s left leg tapped nervously on the floor and how he shoved his hands hard inside the hoodie’s pocket.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Ushijima pointed and Oikawa growled. “I understand you might have had the urge and need to reunite with him, but you shouldn’t have slept together. It will make things more complicated.”

“I know that!” the captain declared, clenching his teeth. “I didn’t plan for that! I wasn’t expecting it to happen! I wanted to talk! To see him, to hear him, to laugh with him again! I was not- goddamnit!” he took his hands out of the hoodie’s pocket, raising them to grip the cap hard and lowering his head in the same movement. “I wanted to keep away from sex… I wanted to be able to understand in which point we stand before bringing sex into it, exactly because it makes everything more complicated, but… ah, fuck!”

“What’s your plan now?” Ushijima asked, plain and with no judgement on his voice. That was something Oikawa started to appreciate once he had finally accepted that Ushijima Wakatoshi was a presence in his life, made a difference in his day and he wasn’t going to leave anytime soon. His straightforward attitude, his bluntness and his complete and utter lack of personal judgement when he spoke made Oikawa find in him a trusted friend. Ushijima stated facts, not judgements. And all Oikawa needed was a logical voice of reason without judgement.

“I don’t have one,” he confessed, tilting his head back and cursing. “I sent him a message asking him to go for lunch, I tried to call him countless times, but he’s not answering.”

“How did you get his phone number?” Came the question Oikawa knew he would ask. Iwaizumi changed his phone number years before and Oikawa never got the new one. It’s not like he needed it anyway, right?

“I called my sister to call his brother to ask him for the phone number,” Oikawa explained, waving his hand like it was nothing. “I could have called my mum, but you know my mum! She would have made a scene about it and Shou-nee is actually way better, faster and she’s easier to bribe to remain silent.”

“And aside from trying to regain communication with Iwaizumi, what are you planning on doing?” Ushijima pushed the question again and remained silent when Oikawa didn’t reply.

Because Oikawa had no idea how to reply. What was he going to do if Iwaizumi kept not answering his calls? He couldn’t wait for him at the Police Department again, he would end up getting arrested if Iwaizumi was in a bad mood or someone else thought he was a stalker. He had no plan B, he had no idea what to do and, for someone like Oikawa, who _always_ knows what to do, that feeling was driving him restless.

His plan was simple: show up after the game, have dinner, talk, spend the night laughing and watching old games, just like old times. After that, they would exchange their numbers again and agree to another dinner in the days to come. It was a simple and flawless plan. There was no way, Iwaizumi could say no to any of it.

Except that they argued and Oikawa lost it and all the pain and the hurt and the raw emotion on Iwaizumi’s eyes made him lose his mind. He shouldn’t have kissed the other man, he knew that. He knew a kiss would bring everything else back and he knew neither was prepared for that yet. All the feelings and emotions they felt during senior year, all the intensity and the need and the crude want they had for each other, all that longing and all that silent fire burning in their veins that made it so much more… they were not ready for that yet. It was too soon after it had been too long. Oikawa knew they had to wait, they had to return to their comfort zone with each other before risk it, but…

“I fucked up,” he whispered, looking away again. There was a bitter taste in his mouth and a heavy weight on his stomach. “And I don’t know what to do to fix it.”

“Give it time,” Ushijima sat next to him, looking up to the bright sky. “Neither of you were ready to have your former relationship back, Oikawa. You have to understand that if you, the person that gave the first step, is feeling overwhelmed by last night, Iwaizumi will be feeling worse,” he sighed, his strong right hand closing around Oikawa’s shoulder. “Give it time. To you. And to him. Just give it time.”

“I just…” he hesitated, cursing under his breath. “I just don’t know if I can handle time, right now.”

**\---**

_27/Sep/15_  
_5 missed calls_  
_2 voice mails_ _  
_ 3 unread messages

**\---**

_29/Sep/15_  
_2 missed calls_  
_1 voice mail_ _  
_ 2 unread messages

**\---**

_03/Oct/15_  
_1 missed call_ _  
_ 1 unread message

**\---**

_09/Oct/15_  
1 missed call  


**\---**

**13th of October, 2015** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

 _From: 080 9344-xxx_ _  
_ _ <23:48 - He’s just a boy who always dreamt with the stars.> _

Iwaizumi raised his eyes from the smartphone on his hand and leant against the back of his sofa, staring at the beautiful night vision of Tokyo that the window wall gave him. The lights of his living room were off and he was about to go to bed when that message make a crack on his heart.

He sighed and pressed the call button. It rang twice before a voice he hadn’t heard in far too long greeted him from the other side of the line.

 _“I didn’t think you would call.”_ Sweet and delicate, just like Iwaizumi remembered. A soft smile drew itself on his face. Ah, nostalgia.

“It’s been a while,” he said, simply.

 _“Oh my, Hajime-kun, what a strong and manly voice you’ve got now!”_ A gentle giggle came in reply and Iwaizumi couldn’t help to let his smile grow. She hadn’t changed at all. _“It was silly of me to expect your 18-year-old voice. You boys grew too fast.”_

“Or not fast enough, as we’re clearly still behaving like teenagers,” Iwaizumi commented, listening to another tender laugh. Boy, had he missed her!

_“I know it’s not my place to say anything. You’re grown up men and you have your lives and I understand that a lot has changed in all these years.”_

“Maybe too much has changed, Shou-san,” he muttered, passing a tired hand through his hair. “And maybe there’s no way to fix it.”

 _“Tooru is just a boy that always dreamt with the stars.”_ She repeated. _“And, as much as he has changed and as much as you have changed as well, and even if your lives now make no sense to the other and can’t possibly fit together, just… promise me to remember something, please?”_

He didn’t reply. He couldn’t.

_“Tooru might be just a boy who dreamt with the stars, Hajime-kun. But there was one day that you were the boy who held his hand and dreamt along with him.”_

**\---**

**17th of October, 2015** **  
** **Kabukichou, Shinjuku**

 _From: Iwa-chan_ _  
_ _ <04:12 - Lunch sounds good.> _

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“You say it's in the past” - Wish you would, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> Shou 将: Leader - Since Oikawa has such a strong, one character name, I imagined his sister would have the same name pattern. I came to understand that a lot of people think Shou is a commonly male name, though that is not exactly accurate as a lot of girls also have Shou (written with a couple of different kanji) as a given name.
> 
> Ushiwaka is a pure child and I do adore him, so he will show up a bit more in the next chapters :3  
> Ideas, hopes, headcanons, kudos, reviews and stuff are all very welcome!
> 
> As usual, you can reach out to me by twitter: **@emcakira**  
>  Or tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**


	6. Everybody here was someone else before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Oikawa <3

**Chapter 6** **  
** _“Everybody here was someone else before”_

 

 **22nd of October, 2015** **  
** **Ginza Mitsukoshi Department Store**

 

Oikawa was upset. He glared to his reflexion on the mirror and pulled another strand of hair away from his face. He was feeling nervous and he was honestly hating it. He had never been that nervous before. At least not because he was meeting someone. He had several dates with the most famous actresses and singers of Japan and he had never been that nervous!

Maybe because he never really cared about what those famous people thought of him. He bit his lip and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He had lost hope of Iwaizumi answering his calls or messages. He was starting to crumble into a deep and dark mess again because Iwaizumi would never take that long to consider something as important as the future of their friendship. Oikawa was sure the Inspector had already decided on severing ties with him, cutting all possible connection. And, the worse part of it, was that Oikawa couldn’t really blame him for it.

He cursed and kicked the wall, grabbing the sink with both hands and letting his head tilt forward. He was so bloody nervous he was feeling nauseous. Iwaizumi was a proper man, he knew that very well. So what if that dinner was not a follow up of their last meeting, but a goodbye one? What if Iwaizumi had decided that their reunion was a mistake and he wanted to go back to the way they were before? What if he simply didn’t want Oikawa in his life?

“He’s not going to do that, he is not going to do that!” he breathed, forcing the words to stick in his mind, but it felt like holding water in his hands. He cursed again and snatched his phone out of his jeans’ pocket. 19:34. He was going to be late if he didn’t leave that stupid bathroom at that moment. He unlocked his phone and his last conversation came up.

From: Ushiwaka-chan  
<18:02 - It’s just dinner. You will be fine.>  
<18:03 - Iwaizumi would not schedule dinner if it was to cut you off. You said that yourself.>  
<18:05 - Stop over thinking.>  
<18:12 - Oikawa, stop. Do not go to that dark place on your mind. I don’t like when you go there.>

To: Ushiwaka-chan  
<18:13 - I’m not over thinking. I’m fine! It will all be good!>

From: Ushiwaka-chan  
<18:15 - I still don’t know how to bring you back from there, so please don’t let yourself go there.>  
<18:16 - Take care. Call if you need.>

Followed by a selfie of himself with his typical mean poker face while holding a tiny cactus.

Oikawa chuckled. He should have never taught Ushijima the art of the selfie. Especially since the wing spiker had no clue on how to use them and kept sending Oikawa selfies with his cacti plants (Oikawa never understood Ushijima’s obsession with cacti, but the man had an impressive amount of them).

He breathed out again, glad that Ushijima’s obnoxiousness made his nervousness dissipate a little. He just had to put a smile on his face, get out of that bathroom and go meet Iwaizumi. Simple! And he had done that so many times before, he had nothing to fear.

 _Only you do_ , a voice whispered in his mind and he felt a cold shiver ran down his spine. He had all to lose, he could be losing Iwaizumi forever, and that was not something he could deal with. Because before, it was temporary, it had always been temporary as he had no doubts his team would win worlds and he would be able to return to Iwaizumi’s life, but… but that didn’t matter anymore. Now it was Iwaizumi’s decision and it would not be temporary. If he wanted to kick Oikawa out of his life, there was nothing to stop him.

“Except I won’t let him,” Oikawa muttered before raising his head and staring at himself in the mirror. He would not let that happen. Absolutely not.

His phone buzzed in his hand and Oikawa pulled another strand of hair before unlocking the screen.

From: Iwa-chan  
<19:41 - Don’t be late.>

He sighed. Cursed. Pulled a strand of hair for the nth time. Put on his best smile. And left.

He was not going to be kicked out of Iwaizumi’s life. He would make sure of it.

**\---**

Oikawa was late.

Iwaizumi looked at his watch again and clicked his tongue. Of course, Oikawa would be late, even after he had texted him telling him not to. The Inspector was sitting on the table he had reserved, a slightly hidden corner of that old traditional restaurant that he frequented more than he probably should. He eyed the edamame on the table and took a pod, squeezing a bean into his mouth before seeing Oikawa at the entrance, talking to the old woman that was managing the place.

“Freaking finally,” he breathed, mentally noting that Oikawa was only five minutes late, but still! The old woman guided Oikawa to the table in the hidden corner and left. Oikawa looked genuinely confused when he looked at Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan, why does this looks like a yakuza restaurant?” The National Team Captain asked, a slightly playful tone in his voice while taking off his blazer and sitting down. “With all the fancy places around Ginza, you really had to choose this one?”

“All those fancy places have people that will easily recognise you. If you get recognised, there will be commotion and potential paparazzi,” Iwaizumi stated in a neutral tone, taking another pod from the bowl. “I’m an Inspector in the Organized Crime division, I have enemies and those enemies will certainly make you a visit if they see a photo of us having dinner in some gossip magazine.”

He squeezed the edamame beans into his mouth, expressionless. Oikawa was silent, a questioning eyebrow raised at Iwaizumi.

“That’s not very funny, Iwa-chan,” he said after a few seconds of hesitation. Iwaizumi didn’t even blink.

“I’m not being funny, I’m telling you why we’re meeting here,” the Inspector snatched another pod, eyes never leaving the uncharacteristically silent Oikawa. And the mood around them was suddenly heavy and bothersome. He sighed. “I’m sorry, this is not how this dinner was supposed to start.”

They fell silent and it was awkward, sticky and not comfortable as their silences once were. Oikawa was looking away, biting the inside of his cheek and Iwaizumi knew he was nervous. Like the whole situation in between them was not bad enough, he seriously had to go and bring the yakuza into the conversation. _Well done, Inspector!_ He mentally kicked himself for that.

Clearing his throat, he spoke again.

“I’m… sorry for the other day, I…” he hesitated as Oikawa’s eyes widened and the setter looked at him full of… fear. For a moment, Iwaizumi lost his line of thought and just stared back. “I… shouldn’t have left without saying anything. It was… wrong of me to do.”

“Oh,” and the fear was gone, the clear shadow of panic and almost despair was gone and Iwaizumi was left completely confused. Oikawa laughed. That cold and fake and completely broken laugh that he used to put up as a mask every time something was terribly wrong. Iwaizumi felt even worse. “It’s ok, Iwa-chan. It’s not like I was expecting you to stay for breakfast.”

“What’s wrong?” Iwaizumi asked directly, his mouth faster than his brain, and saw how Oikawa looked away and the fake smile started to shatter. _This is so not how I wanted this conversation to go._ “Why are you so perturbed?”

“I’m not perturbed, Iwa-chan, you’re imagining things!” He lied and Iwaizumi frowned.

“I might not have been there for a long time, but I still can tell when you’re not ok or lying to me,” he pointed and Oikawa forcefully kept his eyes on some random painting on the wall. “If it’s because of the restaurant comment, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to upset you or anything, I-”

“It’s not that,” Oikawa cut him, his voice lower and his eyes still on the painting. “I mean… It’s not like I enjoyed hearing that I’ll get a visit from the yakuza if we’re photographed together, but…” he bit this tongue and exhaled slowly. “You didn’t answer my calls… or my texts, and… and I thought you wouldn’t want to see me again.”

“I needed time, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said, his voice also lower and so heavy with so many mixed emotions. “I _need_ time. It’s… not easy to just smile and pretend you weren’t gone from my life for twelve years.” He took another pod and shook his head before continuing. “A lot happened since graduation night. I was completely wrecked and it took me far too long to be able to stand on my feet again. I can’t just throw all this behind my back and have lunch with you like old times.”

“But will you, in the future?” Oikawa muttered, head low and eyes hidden. There was a hopeful note on his question, a very faint and almost imperceptible sparkle of faith. “Be able to have lunch with me like old times?”

“I shouldn’t and a part of me seriously didn’t want to,” Iwaizumi confessed and that got Oikawa to finally look at him. His wide hazel eyes full of fear once again. And it was so damn painful to see the doubt and the dismay and all those poisonous emotions swirling behind Oikawa’s irises. Iwaizumi cursed mentally and shook his head, his words burning his tongue. “But the truth is, I missed you. So fucking much.”

“Iwa-chan…” Oikawa breathed, broken tone and shattered fear.

“I should shut you off! My life is perfectly fine without you! You mean trouble, Oikawa! I don’t need trouble!” He exclaimed, passing a rough hand through his hair and it was his turn to look away. He clicked his tongue and glared at Oikawa. “But if you dare to try to pull this shit again, I swear to god, Oikawa!”

“I won’t! I… I’m sorry! I won’t!” Oikawa swore, reaching out to grab Iwaizumi’s hand. “I won’t ever leave, I-”

“What the fuck was wrong with you, thinking that you had to prove anything to me!” Iwaizumi growled in a low tone, pulling his hand away and cursing. “Of all the people in the world, what made you think that I would ever need you to prove anything to me?!”

“You were so hurt-”

“Because you kept hurting yourself and pretending that it was nothing! I was worried sick about you, I was desperately trying to make you understand that you needed to be careful with yourself, and you were just talking about keeping the destructing behaviour!” He spat, furious. His voice was on the same lower tone, but it was harsh and hurt. “I wanted nothing more in life than to see you succeed and smile! I was there for everything and I never, not even for a second, doubted you! But you had to stop hurting yourself!”

“I know! I’m sorry! I’m honestly sorry! I couldn’t-”

“You didn’t need to do that,” Iwaizumi breathed and Oikawa’s voice suddenly disappeared from his throat. “What I felt for you, the way I cared for you, what I would do for you… How could you possibly believe, even if for a second, that I would need you to prove anything to me?”

“I was scared!” Oikawa stated and cursed. “You had never talked to me like that or looked at me like that! I saw the disappointment in your eyes that night! You were looking at me like I had disappointed you so deeply I- I didn’t know what to do or how to react! I couldn’t handle it! Not coming from you!”

“So you just shut me out?” Iwaizumi questioned in a whisper, averting his eyes. “Instead of talking to me to solve things like we always did, you just decided to leave me out. You left me out of your life, of your routine. You made National Team and became a regular and then became captain and won fucking worlds and I was not there. Because you thought you needed to prove something to me.”

He cursed once again and bit his lip. He didn’t turn to look at Oikawa for what felt like an eternity. He was hurting and he knew Oikawa was not ok as well, but Iwaizumi needed a moment to clear his mind before saying anything else. He thought a month was enough, he thought he could deal with that, that he was ready to face Oikawa once more. He wanted, so much, to just put it behind him. To forget about the pain, to believe in a bright new future.

Was that too much to ask?

“We’re far from being the same people we were before, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi sighed, shaking his head and turning to look at his old friend. “So I need time. We need time. To adjust and to learn how to be friends again.”

“Will we be able to do that?” Oikawa muttered, resisting the urge to try to hold Iwaizumi’s hand again. The mood was lighter and the pain was starting to fade, little by little.  “To be friends again?”

“I don’t know,” Iwaizumi confessed, snatching another pod and looking deep into Oikawa’s eyes. All he wanted was for them to be ok. But he was no fool, he knew very well that wasn’t something that could happen in a blink of an eye. It would take time, it would be painful sometimes, and sometimes it would be desperate. It was not a happy and flowery road ahead of them, but… what they had once meant something and Iwaizumi believed it was worth the try. “I don’t know if we can. But I would at least like to try.”

Oikawa couldn’t really contain the smile trying to spread from his lips. And for once, Iwaizumi didn’t want him to.

**\---**

“I gave you a key. Use it!” Ushijima stated when he opened his apartment’s door and glared at Oikawa. “You know the doorbell is loud! It’ upsets Ririi. That’s why I gave you a key, Oikawa!”

“I’m not going to just open the door and barge in at almost eleven at night,” Oikawa shrugged and walked in, taking his shoes off before heading to the living room. “What if I walk in on you and Kiyoko-chan being naughty with each other?”

“Kiyoko-san is not here today, I told you that earlier,” the taller man pointed out, turning to enter the kitchenette. “How did the dinner go?”

“It was… not bad.” Oikawa said, falling on the sofa and covering his eyes with his arm. He didn’t need to see Ushijima’s frowning at him.

“Oikawa…” came the low warning. Oikawa wanted to curse.

“Fine, it was terrible!” the setter exploded, sitting down in a harsh movement and tangling his fingers in his hair. “We had the conversation we needed to have, it was painful. And after that, it was just… mechanic and cold!” He cursed, his hands sliding down to cover his eyes. “It was made of one-word replies and stupid pointless subjects! I know I can’t expect us to go back to being friends like nothing ever happen but seriously!”

“Iwaizumi is willing to be friends with you again, it seems,” Ushijima commented, his hands busy with the delicacy of making tea. Oikawa grunted from the sofa. “I wouldn’t say that was terrible.”

“Of course it’s not terrible! The fact that he is willing to try to be friends again is already more than I walked in there thinking I could get!” Oikawa hissed, falling down on the sofa cushions again, his hair dishevelled. He pouted. “But it’s hard to be with him and have this… wall between us!”

“It’s a new beginning for the two of you,” Ushijima said, taking a tray with the tea set and putting it on top of the coffee table standing in front of Oikawa. A black cat jumped to the table on that moment and meowed for attention. “No, no, Ririi, you can’t be on the table when I make tea. You might get burnt.”

“But I don’t want a new beginning… I want us! I want what we had before! I want…” Oikawa bit his lip as his voice disappeared. He clicked his tongue and didn’t mind when Ushijima put the cat on his stomach, and Ririi started to purr. What a mess his mind was. “No… I do want a new beginning. I want us without my instability and without my stupid destructive behaviour. And I want us to laugh together and to smile together and to just… be happy!”

“That will take time, Oikawa,” Ushijima told him, a softer expression crossing his defined features. “But you know what you want. And you never had a problem in working your way to get it.” He sat on the sofa, the macha teacup on his right hand, and pulled Ririi to his lap, allowing Oikawa to sit down properly before offering him the tea. “It’s going to take time, of course. But we also didn’t win worlds in a season, did we?”

“Look at you, being all deep!” Oikawa chuckled, taking the teacup and muttering a thank you. “So nice and supportive of me. Are you trying to make me fall for you, Ushiwaka-chan?”

“I’m engaged,” Ushijima said with a delicate smile. Oikawa laughed. The bitter taste left from the dinner with Iwaizumi dissipating a little.

“You are! To the prettiest girl in whole damn Miyagi!” The captain exclaimed, his laughter filling the air. “Ahh! I just hope your kids will look like her! It wo-”

“Me too,” Ushijima muttered and Oikawa looked at him with amusement clear in his expression. The faint blush not escaping his attentive eyes. “Hope that they will look like her…”

“Aaahhh, you’re so damn annoying being all happy like that!” Oikawa screeched and shook his friend’s arm, pretending to be offended. Ushijima chuckled before Oikawa’s typical spoiled behaviour. “This is about me and my terrible date with Iwa-chan! Not about your perfect engagement with your perfect bride and your future perfect family!”

“You will be fine, Oikawa.” Ushijima said and Oikawa sighed, leaning his back against his friend’s shoulder. Ririi was purring happily again. “You and Iwaizumi. What you guys have is… strong. And you will be fine.”

“I hope you’re right, Ushiwaka-chan,” he muttered, closing his eyes and sipping his tea, allowing the warmness of the hot liquid to spread through his tired body. “I really hope you’re right.”

  
**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“Everybody here was someone else before” - Welcome to New York, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> The boys are **not** ok yet. There's still plot left to twist, so don't think this is about to end because we're half way through it, yay!
> 
> Ushiwaka has the purest soul <3 He is, indeed, a beast in court, but I bet he’s a gentle heart and adorable creature once volleyball is not the subject. You can see that in the manga when he’s _not_ talking about volleyball. Almost everyone portraits him as this evil and mean character, but he’s just a volleyball obsessed pure heart! The evil one is Tendou :3 (Whom I also like verymuchthankyou!) And yes, I’m shipping him with _her_ because I can! WUAHAHAHAAHAH- More on his friendship with Oikawa next chapter, because that’s too precious not to write about!
> 
> I promise no angst on next chapter, yaaay! :3
> 
> Kudos are like little sweets and reviews make my day <3 Also, your opinion does matter, so do leave me a review, please :)
> 
> Again, feel free to talk to me on twitter **@emcakira**  
>  Or tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**
> 
> Cheers,  
> Akira


	7. (Searching for) a sound we hadn't heard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said that this chapter would have no angst and it would be a pretty chill chapter?
> 
> I lied.
> 
> :3

**Chapter 7** **  
** _“(Searching for) a sound we hadn't heard before”_

 

 **27th of November, 2015** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

The seventeen-year-old Iwaizumi Hajime that was about to graduate from Aoba Jousai High didn’t have big expectations for his future. If someone had asked him what he would see himself doing or how he would picture his life in ten years from that moment, the answer would have been plain and boring. The seventeen-year-old Iwaizumi hoped to graduate from the police academy with a slightly above average score, get into a nice department in Tokyo, probably get promoted to Inspector in 8 or 10 years time and have a solid and stable career. He had imaged a few friends to hang out with, a healthy lifestyle with jogging in the mornings before work and swimming twice a week, a decent one bedroom apartment in Taito-ku - not too expensive area, but very serene and quiet and still central - and a dog. Seventeen-year-old Iwaizumi really wanted a dog.

What seventeen-year-old Iwaizumi also wanted was Oikawa to be living with him in that decent, small, but cosy, one bedroom apartment in Taito-ku. Oikawa would be famous because of volleyball, no doubt about that, but they would be living happily together with no one other than the necessary people to know about them. Seventeen-year-old Iwaizumi had believed - with all his soul - that they would manage to somehow define their relationship during university and they would fall into a comfortable “dating” status that would lead them to the living together and sharing the life he so secretly hoped for.

Seventeen-year-old Iwaizumi had no idea how damn different his life would end up being, and how naïve his hopes and dreams for his 10-years-older self were.

He had been broken in pieces on graduation night, and with his soul turned into mere smithereens he took turns and stumbled around and did things he had never even consider a possibility on his original plan. He forgot that sleep was a necessity, he started to smoke, he overworked himself because overworking was better than thinking - and because thinking always lead him back to Oikawa and Oikawa would always crash all the little pieces of his soul that Iwaizumi had weakly managed to glue together -  he graduated first of his class and got an immediate internship with an important Inspector of the Organized Crime Division at Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department. He knew Organized Crime Division was a harsh choice. He knew being part of it mean danger. He knew that the “killed in duty” rate for that division was 5 times higher than any other of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police. And in three months, the entire department knew his name and he was being labelled as inhuman.

One year later, along with his superior and other two co-workers, he was assigned to an extremely complicated case of blackmail and witness protection related to the yakuza: The Suigyoku Case.

The basis of the Suigyoku case wasn’t too different from several witness protection cases the Organized Crime Division had to deal with. Someone was at the wrong place at the wrong time, witnessed something they shouldn’t and now the yakuza wanted them dead. The difference of that case was that the witness wasn’t a normal Japanese citizen, but a foreigner. An important director and board member of a famous International Bank with severe political influence over international affairs kind of foreigner.

By that time, if Iwaizumi’s life had already been different from what his seventeen-year-old self had predicted, the Suigyoku case and its main witness assured that it would take another colossal turn. Just in a couple of weeks: he had been dangerously wounded by a gunshot, he had moved to the luxurious 3 bedroom apartment that he was currently living in, and he had not, for the first time in five long and painful years, thought about Oikawa for a whole day.

With a nasty scar on his shoulder, a nightmare-like case to handle and a hand softly holding his, that whole day eventually became two, and two became three and, months later, the glued cracks were stronger and his soul had begun to shine once more.

It was time to start over his life.

_[The number you have dialled is currently unavailable, please leave a message after the signal.]_

Iwaizumi sighed loudly at the message on the other side of the line. It was late at night and he was sitting on the floor of his living room, a hot mug of Golden Milk next to him, his deep green eyes focused on the gorgeous night view of the Tokyo skyline in front of him. He leant against the backside of his sofa, holding the smartphone between his head and shoulder and tucking the blanket better around him. He grabbed the old mug with a Godzilla print on it and took a sip before the signal was heard.

“It’s me,” he said, his voice slightly hoarse but with a soft tone to it. “You’re still not directly reachable, hm? And here I was, thinking we were friends!” he chuckled, taking a brief moment to close his eyes. “It’s getting cold in Tokyo now, so I made your granddad’s receipt of Golden Milk. It’s never as good as when you make it, I’m sure there’s a secret ingredient you’re not telling me about.”

He paused to sip the warm drink again. “Are you back in Scotland? Last time I heard from you, you were somewhere in the Caribbean - that was three months ago! What about calling me back? Or at least sending me one of your ugly postcards, you love those!” he laughed quietly, sighing once again.

“The transfer request I put in in March is finally moving forward. My boss came to talk to me this week, he said it’s possible that I get a final answer before the end of the year. Let’s hope they don’t shut me down again, I… I’m considering changing jobs if they decline my request for a department transfer.” He got up and walked to the wall window in front of him.

“Also… I met Oikawa.” he hesitated before cursing in a low tone. “And yeah, _that_ that you’re imagining also happened. Don’t flatter yourself or laugh at me for being right, it was a mistake! And… it broke me a little again. No worry! I’m fine. Kuroo and Bokuto are making sure of it, remember? I’m honestly fine,” he sipped the Golden Milk again and leant his forehead against the window. “We’ve been meeting… every now and then. For coffee or for lunch. We’re not ok and it’s still going to take some time, but… I think we’re starting to be friends again.”

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. “Thank you for increasing the voice message speaking time. I bet you only did this just to avoid getting spammed by me, but oh well. I would like to see you soon, it would be nice if one of your super important business trips happened here in Tokyo. Call me back, will you? And don’t be a stranger.”

He closed his eyes again and, before hanging up, he hummed quietly. “I miss you.”

**\---**

**28th of November, 2015** **  
** **Oikawa Family House, Miyage**

“This was quite a nice day,” Oikawa said, as he entered his parents’ house and took his shoes off. “Thank you for coming with me, Shou-nee.”

“Like I would miss Wakatoshi-kun’s wedding,” Shou smiled, walking the familiar hallway of their parents’ place and entering the kitchen. Oikawa followed her. “He’s such a pure soul and he was so beautifully happy! He definitely deserves it!”

“He does, indeed,” Oikawa agreed, putting a pot with water to boil while his sister sat at the small table.

“You spent most of your teenagehood hating him and look at the two of you now,” Shou giggled, watching her brother give her a side glare without really meaning any warm. “Oikawa Tooru, best man at Ushijima Wakatoshi’s wedding! What would your seventeen-year-old self say?”

“Probably that you’re delusional and drank too much of that aged sake you like!” Oikawa stated and his sister laughed quietly. Oikawa sighed and closed his eyes for a second, a nostalgic smile spreading on his lips. “Things turned out so different than what I thought they would be like. Becoming best friends with Ushiwaka was certainly one of the biggest surprises.”

“Oh yes,” Shou said, leaning her cheek on her hand. “I’m sure I still have that voice message you sent me when you found out he was not only going to be studying at Chuo, but was also your new roommate.”

“You kept that?!” Oikawa asked, horrified.

“But of course, Tooru!” she smiled again. “The despair and anger in your voice along with the incredibly childish insults you had for him, are certainly worth a good laugh.”

“You’re sadistic and you shouldn’t be happy with your little brother’s pain!” Oikawa accused and Shou simply kept smiling. “But yes, I said some pretty terrible things to Ushiwaka when we started to share the room, back in Chuo. Actually, I’m not even sure how the hell he handled dealing with me at that time, to be honest.”

Because Oikawa had not only been a pain in the ass, he had been mean. He was broken and hurt and he was suffering when he arrived at Chuo University, ready to start the longest journey of his life, and the very first thing that he encounters is his long-time rival, Ushijima Wakatoshi, unpacking his cacti plants into their shared room. Oikawa went mad after that. He yelled and screamed and filled all possible requests to change rooms, to change teams, to change to another university - after all he was Oikawa Tooru, there were countless universities dying to have him - but it was all denied. He had signed a contract with Chuo for the year and he couldn’t change universities. Along with that, he couldn’t choose with whom to play and the dormitories were too full to change rooms. Also, members of the team that had a scholarship were requested to stay at the dormitories so he couldn’t just leave and rent a place for himself.

He hated Ushijima and the last thing he wanted was to have to see him every single day for the rest of the school year. And if that would have been a low blow when Oikawa was at his best, emotionally speaking, when he was wrecked and hurt and undone, it was even worse.

Oikawa didn’t speak to Ushijima for months, he didn’t toss to him, he didn’t even look Ushijima in the eyes. He got himself to the point of almost being kicked out of the team because he was throwing an emotional tantrum for too damn long and he still didn’t care. Ushijima Wakatoshi was not supposed to be in his life and Oikawa was making sure that all of the other boy’s presence was fully ignored.

That ended up hurting Ushijima, who just wanted to play his favourite sport and did everything he could to try to have Oikawa at least to _look_ at him. Nothing worked and Oikawa knew he had been truly horrible with his teammate. For him, Ushijima was the reason for all the losses and the pains and the suffering and, in a very twisted way, the reason why Oikawa lost Iwaizumi.

Oikawa had all the papers ready to request a university transfer after New Year, for the starting of the next season. He had been dealing with Ushijima for 8 months and he wasn’t going to do it for much longer. Or at least that was what he thought.

His knee gave up on him after a jump serve at a practice two days before the 31st of December. The pain was excruciating and when the team’s doctor told him he had to go to the hospital, Oikawa felt sick. An ambulance was called because he couldn’t walk and he was taken to the emergency room in the closest hospital. He stayed there for hours, in between doctors and nurses and exams and everyone was walking on eggshells around him and he was losing it.

When the doctor said he needed surgery, Oikawa broke down. And from there, it only became worse. He wanted to run away, from that hospital and the terrible nauseating smell of disinfectant, from the nurses with the sympathetic smiles, from everyone that wasn’t understanding that his life was hanging by a thread there.

A pair of crutches were given to him, a new appointment was scheduled and he was, very delicately told to go home and rest. Except he didn’t want to go home and he didn’t want to rest. He wanted answers and he wanted fixes at that moment and not a stupid surgery that could ruin his life! But no one would do a thing.

The assistant coach left as soon as the doctor told him Oikawa’s condition and Oikawa was left alone with crutches and a wrecked knee and a crumbling life at 11 p.m., at a random hospital near campus, without a drop of mental sanity to allow him to think.

He was so broken and exhausted and lost, so, so, so damned lost that he honestly considered just calling Iwaizumi. Breaking his pride wouldn’t be worse than that and Iwaizumi would go there, wouldn’t he? Even with the fight and the harsh words… they were still friends, right?

Oikawa was trembling and weak and he was almost certain he would just fall hard on the floor if he tried to walk through the front entrance of the emergency room. He was shaking with the vortex of emotions whirling madly inside of him and he couldn’t even find his phone. He had hit rock bottom and it was ugly and painful and fuck his life.

Until a strong hand closed softly around his left elbow and another supported his back with a delicacy he didn’t know to be possible and Ushijima was there. With his poker face and a warm jacket and nothing other than “Let’s go home, Oikawa” to offer. None of them spoke for the whole way until they reached the dormitories and neither spoke for the rest of the night. Ushijima checked what Oikawa needed the next morning - meds, a new knee support, hand protections for the crutches, etc - and asked him when was the next appointment.

Ushijima made sure to take Oikawa to the doctor every single time, and every single time he made sure to listen to the doctor’s instructions. Surgery came, rehabilitation came, all the frustration and the pain and the despair came. And Ushijima was there. For all of it, he was there. Silently, but he was there. And, even if admitting it was like torture, Oikawa was eternally thankful to Ushijima for being there.

Oikawa didn’t transfer to another university, he signed a contract with Chuo for the four years of studies he had left. He didn’t transfer to another room and he never asked for a new roommate after that. When he returned to practice, at full capacity, he would set to Ushijima and Ushijima was right: they were a truly amazing duo. And when Ushijima approached him, on a summer Friday night, blushing hard and biting his lower lip, and asked Oikawa “ _You’re popular with girls, right? You’ve been on dates before, right? Could you give me some advice, please? I… have a… date… tomorrow…_ ” Oikawa knew that his long time rival, the person he hated the most for all his teenagehood, the infuriating guy that kept crushing his dreams when they were younger… had become a close and valuable friend.

Oikawa laughed hard at the ridiculousness of the situation: he was giving love advice to Ushijima Wakatoshi, who was going on a date with none other than Shimizu Kiyoko, the prettiest girl in their year - and possibly the prettiest of the whole University. So he laughed and Ushijima blushed even more and then, Oikawa told him all he knew about women and dates and flowers and the best sweets place in the area. And, most of all, Oikawa told him to be himself. Because if Shimizu Kiyoko had asked him out, even after a full year and a few months as manager of their volleyball team, she was not expecting him to be prince charming all of a sudden.

Ushijima had the goofiest smile on his face when he returned from the date and he only told Oikawa “ _Next one is on Tuesday_ ”. After that, another came and after the third one, they were holding hands on campus and having lunch together in between classes and going for walks on parks and attending small classical concerts during weekends and ten years later there were golden rings on their fingers and Oikawa couldn’t be happier for them.

“I’m not sure how anyone was able to deal with you at that time, Tooru,” Shou said, without malice, as her brother poured a mug of tea for her. “But I sure am glad Wakatoshi-kun could. You were so lost…” she muttered a thank you and sipped the warm tea. She looked up at her brother’s eyes before continuing softly. “How’s Hajime-kun?”

Oikawa stopped with the mug halfway to his lips and looked away.

“Iwa-chan is… fine,” he answered, his voice a tone lower than before. “We’ve been meeting once or twice a week, for coffee mostly, sometimes lunch… he’s super busy and all secretive because of his job and…” he sighed, putting the mug back down on the kitchen table. “It’s hard to be with him and feel like there’s still a glass wall separating us, you know?”

“Is he still being evasive about the last decade?” Shou asked gently, sipping her tea and carefully eyeing her brother.

“Yeah… I think he’s still hurt,” Oikawa said, sitting down in a chair next to his sister. “He talks about his family and there are two friends that he also talks about a little, but… I don’t know, Shou-nee. It’s like he closed himself and he’s not letting me reach him.”

“Hajime-kun was always a more reserved boy, Tooru, you can’t really expect him to just open up like that.” Shou’s right hand came to rest on top of her brother’s and Oikawa bit his lip. He knew all that, of course he did. And he also knew that those coffee breaks and lunches were more than he had believed he could get from Iwaizumi. But unconsciously… he wanted more. He wanted their connection back, he wanted to look at Iwaizumi’s eyes and know what he was thinking, he wanted to be able to be close to Iwaizumi without an invisible wall standing in between them. He wanted to…

“I want to kiss him so badly,” Oikawa whispered, his breathing halting for a moment. His sister’s hold on his hand tightened for a bit and her thumb caressed his knuckles. “I want to hug him and hold him and… I can’t even look at another person. I was supposed to have a date with that pretty actress from the 9pm drama, and I couldn’t… God! I can’t take him out of my mind!”

Shou was standing up and her arms were around him in a second. She hugged her little brother tightly and Oikawa was honestly glad she was there, her long chestnut hair falling delicately over his shoulders while her fruity perfume calmed him down. He sighed again as she kissed the top of his head.

“You will make it, Tooru, I’m certain of it,” she smiled tenderly, holding him tightly.

“I really hope you’re right,” Oikawa breathed, closing his eyes.

  
**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“(Searching for) a sound we hadn't heard” - Welcome to New York, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> Suigyoku 翠玉 - Emerald
> 
> This was a bit of a transition chapter, but it was necessary, especially because it gives more about their past and it’s starting to prepare the field for the next plot twist (Because there is a next plot twist, I mean, you didn’t think this was all it was, right?)
> 
> We have Seijou coming for next chapter o/
> 
> As normal, let me know what you think in a review :) 
> 
> Kudos are also very nice!
> 
> And you can reach out to me on tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**  
>  Or say hi on twitter: **@emcakira**
> 
> Cheers,  
> Akira


	8. We were built to fall apart

**Chapter 8** **  
** _“We were built to fall apart”_

 

 **12th of December, 2015** **  
** **Kuroo’s apartment, Akasaka**

 

“I left for 20 minutes and I can hear Bokuto and the kids screaming from the hallway,” Iwaizumi hissed, raising a questioning eyebrow when Kuroo opened his apartment’s front door and the screaming only intensified. “What the hell is going on?”

“They’re playing movies,” Kuroo smirked and stepped aside to let his friend enter his home. Iwaizumi gave him the bag with fresh baked bread he went out to pick up and lowered himself to remove his shoes. A very high pitched screech came from the living room and both men grimaced for a moment. “I’ll have noise complaints before midday, I guarantee you that!”

“I believe you, they are being really loud,” Iwaizumi said, following his friend inside. “What are they playing, exactly?”

“What do you think?” Kuroo sneered, like it wasn’t obvious enough. Iwaizumi chuckled.

“Godzilla again?” he asked as they entered the living room and another high-pitched screech pierced their eardrums. Iwaizumi cursed mentally. “Godzilla again!”

“Bokuto is a very good replica of Godzilla when he wants to be,” Kuroo pointed to the scene in the middle of the living room, where Bokuto stood with his hair completely disheveled pretending to be a giant monster, one kid hanging on his back, another on his right arm, while the third one was laying still on the floor. “Haruto is screaming nonstop since they started because that’s what people do in movies, Michi is trying to tame Godzilla to make him her pet and Katsurou is dead.”

“Katsurou is just taking advantage of the situation to sleep,” Iwaizumi said, chuckling again. “Kenma should be proud of his godson’s laziness.”

“He is,” Kuroo smirked. “Katsurou is deeply asleep now, Haruto is just being dramatic.”

“Don’t call my godson dramatic,” Bokuto roared from his place in the living room. “He’s doing a wonderful job just being terrified of a big, scary monster like Godzilla!”

“Godzilla is not scary!” the little girl hanging from Bokuto’s neck declared before climbing her way to sit on Bokuto’s shoulders and patting his hair. “Godzilla is a good boy!”

“Michi thinks Godzilla is a dog, great!” Kuroo exclaimed, scratching his head before turning to Iwaizumi. “That’s all your fault, you know?”

“At least she’s not screaming her lungs out or playing dead for 20 minutes,” Iwaizumi grinned and walked to the kitchen to help bring the rest of the breakfast to the dining table. “Is Yukie not back yet?”

“She had a morning yoga class with her friends. She’s taking a shower now,” Kuroo said, taking a plate with fruits and a pot of brewed coffee to the dining table. “Bokuto, do you eat now or are you too busy being Godzilla?”

“Too busy!” Bokuto growled, holding a screaming Haruto by a leg while Michi finished tying a red bow on his hair. “Mi-chan! I’m a bad and mean Godzilla, not a puppy for you to put ribbons on me!”

“It’s ok, Kou-chan, it’s ok. Godzilla can have pretty bows on its head too,” she smiled and started to tie a second one. Haruto was still screaming.

“Michi is taming a Godzilla, Iwaizumi, stop laughing! It’s not normal for a four-year-old to think that Godzilla is a cute pet,” Kuroo pouted and Iwaizumi only smirked again, pouring a mug of coffee.

“But it would be a cute pet. I mean, not Bokuto, obvious,” he said and got a ‘ _Hey!_ ’ coming from the play zone nearby. “But imagine a dog-sized Godzilla as a pet. It would be cute!”

“You have severe problems, you know that, right?” Kuroo questioned without really expecting an answer. Both of them sat at the dining table, trying their best to ignore Haruto’s screaming. “Have you heard from your boss about the transfer?”

“Not yet,” Iwaizumi sighed, still looking at Bokuto playing with the kids. “I was hoping for some news before New Year. I just finished a big case, it’s the perfect timing for a transfer.”

“Have you told them this time? All your motives for wanting the transfer?” Kuroo asked, serious eyes fixed on his friend, sipping a mug of coffee. Iwaizumi grimaced and turned his attention back to the conversation.

“Yeah. This time, I put all on the table,” Iwaizumi said, his voice dropping to a lower and more serious tone. “I told them all about my reasons and I also told them I’ll leave the force if they don’t allow my transfer. I don’t want more Yakuza in my life. I want to be able to be in a public restaurant without having to be always aware of my surroundings! I want to…” he hesitated, closing his eyes for a second before opening them again and look back at Bokuto playing with the children. “I want to take them to a park without being scared of something happening to them like you and Bokuto do. And… I want to have dinner with a certain pain-in-the-ass celebrity without worrying that he might get in deep trouble because of me.”

“You want a normal life,” Kuroo summed up, taking a freshly baked bread from the paper bag on the table.

“I want a normal life,” Iwaizumi breathed, sipping his coffee. “When I joined the force, I thought I was going to end up as this badass, lone wolf that solves the impossible cases and has nothing left to lose.” He confessed, smiling softly. “I’m glad I was mistaken after all.”

“Lone wolf doesn’t suit you, Iwaizumi. Not now and not before,” Kuroo told him, still focused on preparing his wife’s favourite jam sandwich. “And if you put all cards on the table, your boss would be incredibly stupid by not allowing your transfer.”

“Well… Let’s just say he wasn’t expecting it,” Iwaizumi chuckled and took a bite of a green apple. “And that I do hope he will let me go to Criminal Investigation without a fuss.”

“The guys from Criminal are begging to have you, Iwaizumi,” Bokuto said from the play zone, with three ribbons tied to his hair and Haruto still hanging on his arm. “Actually, the rumour that you want a transfer spread quickly and almost all division heads are putting in requests to get you.”

“I didn’t know that!” Iwaizumi exclaimed and Kuroo slapped his back.

“You’re famous, man! Of course they want you!” Bokuto continued. “Now the question is, which division will win you.”

“I’m not a prize,” Iwaizumi protested.

“With those muscles, you could be,” Yukie giggled, entering the living room looking fresh and comfy in a floral yellow dress.

“Hey, less drooling over Iwaizumi’s muscles! What about mine?” Kuroo complained and got a quick kiss before Yukie sat down next to them.

“Iwaizumi’s muscles are in _the list of crushes_ , dear,” Yukie said and Kuroo pouted. Bokuto laughed hard. “It’s like Akaashi-kun, everyone has a crush on him, and that’s ok.”

“Everyone from Fukuroudani, that is,” Iwaizumi pointed, chuckling again. “I don’t get your team. You decide to group crush on Akaashi and then everyone gets a crush on him.”

“Because it’s Akaashi!” Bokuto stated and both Michi and Haruto screamed ‘ _Akaashi_ ’ really loud before returning to what they were doing. Bokuto grinned, proud. “How is it possible to not have a crush on him?”

“By not having a crush on him?” Iwaizumi asked and Yukie giggled again.

“That doesn’t happen, Iwaizumi,” She grinned and accepted the jam sandwich Kuroo was preparing for her. “Every single one of high school volleyball clubs has a group crush. Ours is Akaashi-kun.”

“That is not true,” Iwaizumi pointed while Bokuto put the two kids on the floor and gave them a ball to play. Katsurou was finally awake again.

“It is!” Bokuto exclaimed, sitting down at the table with the rest. “We have Akaashi, Nekoma has-”

“Me!” Kuroo grinned and Bokuto frowned. “What?”

“Nekoma has Yaku-kun,” Yukie corrected and Kuroo slapped his hand on his chest like he had been stabbed.

“My own wife…” Kuroo whined, being completely ignored by the others.

“That makes absolutely no sense,” Iwaizumi complained, gesticulating.

“But isn’t that exactly what happened with Seijou and Oikawa-san?” Yukie asked and Iwaizumi frowned. “I mean, now he leads the ranks of most desired bachelor and sexiest man in Japan. I can only imagine how it must have been during high school.”

“High school was… different. He was highly respected in the team,” Iwaizumi forced the words out of his mouth. “But as far as I know, it was only his fangirls that had crushes on him.”

“Well, according to this celebrity magazine, 9 out of 10 people have a crush on Oikawa-san,” Yukie said and Iwaizumi really wanted to bang his head on the table top. “And, apparently, he has been making his fans really worried because he cancelled a date with the super pretty star of the 9pm drama and rumour has it he is dating someone in secret.”

“Do people really care about that?” Bokuto asked, impressed. Yukie hummed.

“When you’re that good looking and charming, yes,” Yukie smiled and passed the magazine to Iwaizumi. “I would put a leash on him, if I were you.”

“You can put me on a leash,” Kuroo smirked and Yukie gave him a kiss on the cheek. Iwaizumi was too far lost on the magazine.

“There’s a list of all the people Oikawa dated?!” He growled, astonished. “How do people do this?”

“Fangirls are the scariest creatures in the world, mate,” Kuroo said, still smirking. “When the subject is their favourite celebrity, they do a better job than Bokuto at investigating.”

“Hey!”

“And Oikawa is kind of a playboy,” Kuroo continued, ignoring his friend. “Charming, good looking and single, walking around with not only super famous actresses and singers, but also a couple of very pretty fans? Oh yes, they are all over him.”

“What?!” Iwaizumi hissed, turning to look again at the magazine.

“Put him on a leash!” Yukie declared, imitating the sound of a whiplash. “Put a pretty collar around that neck and make him yours forever! He’s already cancelling dates, you just have to brand him yours!”

“You scare me sometimes, Yukie-chan,” Bokuto laughed and Iwaizumi growled again and covered his face.

“This guy doesn’t let anything be simple and without drama, does he?” Iwaizumi muttered, more for himself than for the other. Kuroo sneered.

“Well, if he did, it wouldn’t be him,” Kuroo said, passing an arm around Iwaizumi shoulders, smirking. “And besides, you like complicated and drama!”

“True!” Bokuto exclaimed and also passed his arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders. “I mean, look at your exes: Oikawa Tooru and Irvine Devi. Worse would be impossible!”

“Iwaizumi’s type: extremely complicated and overly dramatic!” Yukie grinned, pretending to take a picture of the three men with her hands.

“I hate you all!” he hissed, being engulfed by his friends’ laugh. “I really do!”

“We love you too, mate!” Kuroo smiled, taking the magazine from the table and dropping it on the floor, where it stood long forgotten as the conversation moved to a different topic.

**\---**

**28th of December, 2015** **  
** **Dogenzaka, Shibuya**

 

“Are you ready for this?” Oikawa asked in a half excited, half anxious tone, staring at the front door of an Izakaya bar. At his side, Iwaizumi cursed.

“Not even close,” he grunted, rolling a lollipop around in his mouth and trying his best to ignore the pressure feeling in his stomach. “Why are we here again?”

“You know why,” Oikawa pointed, crossing his arms and shaking his head. There were tiny snowflakes sparkling on his hair, barely visible in the dim light of the street. “We need to do this. And we can’t postpone it to next year.”

“Postpone it a month wouldn’t hurt anyone, you know?” Iwaizumi said, crushing the lollipop with his teeth and frowning. “Like this, it’s just hurting my brain.”

“We promised, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa pouted and Iwaizumi sighed loudly before grimacing again. “We have to go in!”

“Fine, just…” He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Give me a minute.”

“Ok!” Oikawa exclaimed, biting his lip and standing very still. “I’m very nervous.”

“You’re not being helpful,” Iwaizumi said, opening his eyes to the cloudy night sky. “Think of something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know!” Iwaizumi grunted again, shoving a second lollipop on his mouth and glaring at Oikawa. “Something!”

“Iwa-chan,” he called with the tone that Iwaizumi was so used to be followed by something really stupi- “Aren’t you too old to be eating lollipops like your life depends on it?”

“Better than smoking,” Iwaizumi answered sharply and Oikawa chuckled. “What?”

“You’re addicted to lollipops!” Oikawa stated like it was hilarious and Iwaizumi glared at him again. “You’re a tall and big and mean Inspector and you’re addicted to lollip-”

“Shut up,” Iwaizumi growled, shoving his cherry lollipop into Oikawa’s mouth. “They’re good! Bioproduct with zero percent sugar and rich in vitamin C. They are good!”

“Hum…” Oikawa smiled slightly, rolling the lollipop on his tongue and narrowing his eyes in a cat-like manner. “Tasty!”

“I told ya!” Iwaizumi grinned, before turning again to face the entrance of the Izakaya. “We can’t push this longer, it’s freezing here and we’re already 20 minutes late.”

“I know,” Oikawa muttered, nibbling the lollipop and bumping his shoulder against Iwaizumi’s. He hummed. “Are you ready?”

“Definitely not,” Iwaizumi breathed and, with Oikawa right at his side, pushed open the door to the Izakaya. A smiling young man came greet them with a loud _Irasshaimase_ before asking them if they had a reservation. Iwaizumi frowned again but it was Oikawa who replied.

“Yes, we’re part of a big group that usually meets here every now and then,” he flashed his bright and dazzling smile to the poor boy who couldn’t help but blush. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Reservation is _Seijou_.”

“O- of course,” The young man smiled again, the pink shade spreading through his face as he pointed the way. “Please follow me.”

And as they did, with Oikawa still enjoying his lollipop and sliding the smiling mask in place to hide his nervousness, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but remember Yukie’s words: _9 out of 10 people have a crush on Oikawa-san_. His deep green eyes focused on the young man walking in front of them and the side glances, the blushed skin and the stiff posture left no margins for doubts on that subject.

 _Damn_ , Iwaizumi cursed mentally, looking away.

They walked through a narrow corridor full of fusuma panels and stopped at the entrance of one of the private rooms. Iwaizumi breathed out slowly, trying to calm his nerves as Oikawa crushed the lollipop with his teeth. The young man made a small bow to them and left, without failing to look back at Oikawa once more.

“Let’s do this!” Iwaizumi declared in a low tone. They were just there to meet friends, so why the hell did it felt like they were about to walk into a court to be sentenced? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Oikawa’s hand laced his delicately, smoothing out his nerves.

“Let’s do this,” Oikawa repeated, his free hand reaching for the fusuma panel and sliding it open in a swift movement. “Yo-oh!”

The loud voices inside stilled for a second before an explosion of “Oikawa!” and “Captain!” took them by surprise. The tone of their teammates, the loud cheers and laughs, made a knot in Iwaizumi’s chest and he cursed mentally. Oikawa’s laugh was loud and warm and before he had the chance of swallowing that lump of discomfort from his throat, the room went scarily quiet again. Iwaizumi raised his eyes and noted that everyone in the room was looking at them - both of them - with widened eyes and astonished expressions, like they had seen a ghost.

It had been twelve years, after all.

“Iwaizumi?” Matsukawa’s voice was lower and with some uncertainty on it. The silence around them was becoming too heavy, too pressuring and too bothersome. “And Oikawa…”

“Fucking hell!” Hanamaki exclaimed, slamming a hand on the table. “You made up!”

A torrent of murmurs and whispers blasted in the room, the uncertain atmosphere Iwaizumi remembered so well from their senior year, in the volleyball club changing room, in the Seijou gymnasium or in the competition court. The knot in his chest felt heavier and uncomfortable and he turned his head to the side, frowning.

“Oh well,” he heard Oikawa saying, his sweetened voice bringing that feeling of calmness and joy to the others, just like he did before an important match or after a complicated situation in their gym. Hidden between their bodies and their long winter coats, Oikawa’s hand tightened its grip on Iwaizumi’s and, by instinct, Iwaizumi squeezed back. “I would say we did.”

“You idiots!” Was everything Iwaizumi heard before two pairs of long arms were being thrown around their bodies and both their backs hit the wall behind them. Oikawa was laughing loud, Matsukawa was asking too many questions - _“Why did you fight?”, “When did you made up?”, “Why you never said anything?”_ \- and Hanamaki was cursing. Their juniors were cheering and applauding from inside the room and it all felt like they were back in the gym, back in Seijou, back to being seventeen and, most importantly, back to being a team.

**\---**

“You have a son?!” Iwaizumi exclaimed, completely astonished as Hanamaki showed him a photo of a newborn that was, indeed, a perfect copy of Hanamaki himself, who had that huge and silly, open mouth smile while parading around the photo on his smartphone.

“Yep!” Hanamaki grinned, proud. “We got married a few years ago, and then got divorced, and got married again, and this chubby popped out and yeah!”

“I have a dog!” Matsukawa stated, smiling brightly while Oikawa laughed at something Yahaba was saying. Kyoutani was sitting next to them, also part of the conversation in between the two setters. “And a loan.”

“And a stalker girlfriend, seriously, Matsukawa!” Hanamaki sneered, filling three glasses with warm sake. “You need to get rid of her!”

“I did!” Matsukawa rolled his eyes. “But she’s persistent!”

“Have you tried the police?” Iwaizumi asked and Matsukawa shrugged. “So she’s not persistent, you’re just too much into her to actually call the police.”

“Well, I like persistent!” Matsukawa smiled and Hanamaki laughed again. “At least I’m not getting married and divorced only to get married again!”

“I have a kid now! My marriage is working!” Hanamaki declared and Iwaizumi chuckled before drinking his sake, the very slight buzz of the warm alcohol tingling his senses. It had been a while since he had been that relaxed and content, surrounded by old friends, in such a great atmosphere. “What about you, Iwaizumi? Girlfriend? Wife?”

“No,” he answered, simply, without failing to notice that Oikawa’s eyes were discreetly on him. “I don’t have time to invest in a relationship.”

“How come?” Matsukawa questioned, curious, but it was Kindaichi who spoke next.

“Senpai always has very important cases and is highly requested in the Department,” he said and Iwaizumi gave him a polite nod.

“Oh, come on! Give us something juicy! It has been too long for you not to have something juicy for us!” Hanamaki stated, pouting.

“So you can try to tease me like you did every time a cute girl looked at me during high school?” Iwaizumi inquired and got a big grin in reply. “Not happening.”

“We already teased Oikawa for all of his break ups, we need new teasing material!” Matsukawa smirked and Hanamaki nodded in agreement at his side. Oikawa whined from across the table.

“I’m not that stupid. Let’s leave my exes out of this,” Iwaizumi said and the sudden glint in Oikawa’s eyes made his stomach contract a little.

In between pouts and whines, Matsukawa and Hanamaki dropped the subject and the conversation flew smoothly about their current lives. Matsukawa was a lawyer, working in a big corporation. He made decent money, so he got a loan and bought a nice house in Mitaka. Hanamaki became an economist and managed a small chain of coffee shops. He got married on a whim at twenty-two, got divorced a year later and remarried the same woman three years after that. Matsukawa said they are a crazy ass couple, but Hanamaki was certainly happy, showing the photos of his son to anyone who seemed slightly interested. Yahaba was a marketing manager at a local sports magazine. Kyoutani was a PE teacher and volleyball coach at a junior high school. Watari working as a salaryman and Kunimi was on his way to becoming an influential politician.

They were good. They were all good.

The night grew longer than they anticipated, in between sake and beer, old stories and new ones, laughs, cheers and companionship. It was already 1 in the morning when Iwaizumi decided to go to the bathroom before calling it a night and leave.

He walked to the end of the corridor, with his head light and his thoughts disperse. Reuniting with his former team made him feel worry-free, serene and relaxed, forcing his problems and his turmoils out of his mind for a night. He could almost forget the chaos of his department transfer and the dark clouds occupying his heart lately.

And he had to be lying if he said he was surprised to see Oikawa leaning against one of the sinks when he left the bathroom’s stall, minutes later.

“This went way better than I thought,” Oikawa said as Iwaizumi washed his hands. He noticed the two top buttons of Oikawa’s shirt open, as well as a very faint blush on his cheeks before averting his eyes. “I was… missing having everyone together.”

“Me too,” Iwaizumi nodded, taking his time cleaning his hands. “It was good to be with the guys, remembering old times. It’s almost like we didn’t really grow up.”

“Iwa-chan…” Oikawa’s voice dropped an octave and a shiver ran down Iwaizumi’s spine. He held the sink with both hands, closing his eyes and trying his best to ignore the proximity and the warmth coming from Oikawa’s body, right next to him. He had to step away before- “I miss you…”

“Oikawa-” he tried to say, tried to warn, but Oikawa was close, too damn close and his cologne was inebriating, making Iwaizumi feel dizzy, almost hypnotised.

“I miss you so much…” he whispered at Iwaizumi’s ear, warm breath against the delicate skin of the other’s neck and the bitter taste of sake in his voice. “I want you so much…”

“Oik…” Iwaizumi breathed against Oikawa’s mouth, half-lidded eyes staring at those deep hazel ones he knew oh so damn well. There was a reason to not kiss Oikawa, wasn’t there? There was a reason to not get caught on Oikawa’s seductiveness, Iwaizumi was sure of it. And yet, it really didn’t seem that important in the moment Oikawa’s lips pressed against his and, without fail, his mind went blank.

He hummed into the kiss, breathing through his nose before parting his lips and allowing Oikawa’s tongue to taste his. His hands gripped Oikawa’s shirt and left forearm as the kiss grew deeper and the pace of his heart accelerated.

Without parting the kiss, they turned around slowly, almost like dancing, and moved inside one of the stalls, locking the door behind them.

Iwaizumi’s back was against the wall and Oikawa’s body was pressed tightly against his in no time, the hot breaths in between kisses being filled with hums and gasps as Iwaizumi’s fingers tangled themselves in Oikawa’s hair, pulling him harder into the kiss. Oikawa nibbled his bottom lip, hands sliding down Iwaizumi’s vest, contouring his torso and grabbing his ass, pressing their hips together. Iwaizumi moaned into Oikawa’s mouth as he rolled his hips against the other’s. Oikawa smiled into their kiss, before sliding his hands to the front of Iwaizumi’s pants and opening the belt slowly.

With a hard kiss, Oikawa broke apart to bite Iwaizumi’s neck, sucking a purple spot right above the other’s pulse. Iwaizumi gasped when Oikawa’s fingers opened his pants and stroked his hardening erection above the smooth fabric of his underwear. His hands reached for Oikawa’s jeans, only to have the setter slap them away and shut his protest up with another hard kiss.

“I want to feel you, I want to taste you, I want to devour you,” Oikawa moaned against Iwaizumi’s parted lips before dropping to his knees, mouth hovering the throbbing erection covered by the black fabric. “I want to fuck you so bad.”

“Fuck!” Iwaizumi groaned, one of his hands gripping Oikawa’s hair tightly as the setter outlined Iwaizumi’s cock with his mouth, the hot breath sending a shiver down the inspector’s spine.

Oikawa’s fingers slid past the hem of Iwaizumi’s underwear when something fell out of the latter’s pocket. Oikawa eyes followed the object on the floor, ready to ignore it and focus on the job at hand before he realised what it was and couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“Iwa-chan,” he called, lusty, voice hoarse, nibbling Iwaizumi’s covered cock. “Why do you have a broken Godzilla keychain in your pocket?”

“What?” Iwaizumi’s roughly asked before his darkened green irises focused on the small keychain next to his right foot. And like being hit by a lightning, his eyes widened and he immediately tensed, his hold on Oikawa’s hair forcing the other man away from his ministrations.

“Iwa-ch-”

“We can’t do this,” Iwaizumi cut, pushing Oikawa’s hands away from him and tucking his shirt back into his pants. “I can’t do this.”

“Why?” came the confused question as Oikawa watched Iwaizumi’s zipping his pants back up. “Iwa-chan! What’s going- Look at me!”

“This can’t happen! I can’t fall for you again!” Iwaizumi stated, his narrowed eyes meeting Oikawa’s, and there was so much emotion and hurt and regret on them that Oikawa’s heart skipped a beat.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa called again when Iwaizumi bent down to grab the broken keychain and opened the stall’s door to exit. Oikawa followed him and grabbed his arm, preventing him from leaving the bathroom. “What the hell? Explain this to me! We were perfectly fine, what the hell-”

“You’re a celebrity! A playboy and a celebrity and one of Japan’s most desired men!” Iwaizumi growled, pulling his arms away from Oikawa’s hold. “Your life is public, you have crazy fans that know everything about you, there’s not a secret that you can keep because everyone knows you and everyone wants a piece of you!”

“What are you tal-”

“There’s a list of every single woman you dated since university. Your fans keep a list of the women you date, their names, professions, their personal addresses and contact details!” Iwaizumi spat, shaking his head. “You don’t give a fuck about who you date and you’re always provoking your fans, because who knows, maybe they’re the next one to be able to sleep with you!”

“But I haven’t done that since Worlds!” Oikawa declared, confusion and surprise spreading on his face. And it hurt. It hurt so much. “I haven’t gone out with anyone! I refused all dates and-”

“And your fans are going crazy trying to figure out who’s responsible for that,” Iwaizumi told him, cursing. “What do you think it’s going to happen if they find out that the reason you cancelled your date with the pretty actress from the 9pm drama is because you’re fucking another man at a random Izakaya’s bathroom?”

“I don’t give a fuck about what they think!” Oikawa exclaimed, trembling. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you and just you! I don’t care-”

“It’s not just about you, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi stated, closed fists and pained eyes. “It’s also about me, about my life, my responsibilities, my family, my-” he bit his lip, not finishing his sentence and breathing out. “There’s still a lot you don’t know about these past twelve years. And I can’t be involved with someone who has so much media exposure.”

“Are you serious?!” Oikawa hissed, widened and hurtful eyes fixed on Iwaizumi’s. “You’re walking away from me because I’m a celebrity and you can’t handle it”?

“I can handle it, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi sighed, looking away. “But it’s not just the two of us and I have others to protect.”

“Iwaizumi!”

“I’m sorry,” he said before turning around and leaving.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“We were built to fall apart” - Out of the Woods, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> We're getting there :D
> 
> I'm estimating 13 chapters for this fic. That's 3 more than I initially thought, but let's see what the plot bunnies bring me :3
> 
> Kudos are very nice and your opinion in a review is certainly important, so let me know what you think, yes?
> 
> You can also reach out to me on tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**  
>  Or say hi on twitter: **@emcakira**
> 
> Akira


	9. Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! Don't freak out with the chapter :D
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 9** **  
** _“Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?”_

 

 **1st of January, 2016** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

 

“You said that to him?!” Kuroo questioned, pausing the console game they were playing and looking at Iwaizumi, an almost horrified expression on his face. “You just said all that to Oikawa?”

“And you didn’t offer any other kind of explanation?” Bokuto followed up, twisting his position on the large sofa in order to turn directly to Iwaizumi without waking up Haruto, who was deeply asleep on his lap.

“What was I supposed to say?” Iwaizumi cursed, ignoring his friends’ eyes on him. “I wasn’t exactly sober, I didn’t know what to say and it’s not like I can just blurt my freaking whole life at a random Izakaya’s bathroom!”

“Iwaizumi,” Kuroo said, using the tone of voice he usually kept for when he was being absolutely serious about something. At his side, Katsurou moved slightly and Kuroo put a hand over his son’s head. “I understand that you spent the last few years working very hard to keep your personal life as secretly as possible because of your job. But this is Oikawa. And this is your heart,” he paused for a moment, trying to catch Iwaizumi’s eyes but failing. “Most of all, this is Oikawa’s heart too.”

“It’s not fair to him that you just push him away and say it’s because he’s famous, and then not explain _why_ that is a problem,” Bokuto pointed. “He has to know!”

“We’re not going to be together, we just can’t with the way things are!” Iwaizumi stated, his hand sweetly caressing Michi’s dark curly hair, while she, also deeply asleep on his own lap, hugged tightly a big dinosaur plushie. “It’s better if he just doesn’t know! What difference would it ma-”

“Are you listening to yourself, mate?” Bokuto groaned, narrowing his eyes. “We’re not talking about some random fuck that happened to fall for you, we’re talking about your childhood friend! The guy you would have done anything and everything for when you were in high school! The guy that disappeared from your life and you almost died of how broken you became!” He breathed, shaking his head. “He’s one of the most important people in your life and you know that! And yes, he screwed up and he wasn’t there when you needed him to, but he is still important! And you have to tell him, Iwaizumi. You owe him that.”

“And it doesn’t matter if you’re not staying together,” Kuroo said, leaning his elbow on the sofa’s back pillow. “He’s your best friend.”

“Fine! Let’s say I tell him! And then what?” Iwaizumi questioned, his eyes still fixed on the sleeping little girl. “It’s not going to hurt him less!”

“But at least he will understand,” Kuroo answered, moving one of his legs, that was getting numb with Katsurou weight on it. “And, it’s Oikawa. Maybe he will change his behaviour.”

“Or maybe he will just get a lame excuse and ran away again…” Iwaizumi muttered, frowning. “Now that would hurt.”

“Oikawa is an idiot, but he’s not an asshole, you said so yourself,” Bokuto smiled softly, moving Haruto around so he would stop drooling on Bokuto’s leg. “Besides, I get a feeling he would do anything to get into your pants permanently!”

“I know I would!” Kuroo smirked and Iwaizumi kicked his shin. “Hey!”

“Kuroo, for fuck’s sake, stop the shameless flirting when we have the kids with us,” Iwaizumi hissed and Kuroo pouted. “And getting into my pants is not a good enough reason!”

“Tell that to Oikawa. Seriously, have you seen the pretty actress from the 9pm drama?” Bokuto asked and Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. “She’s gorgeous! Like, drop dead gorgeous! And super sweet and super cute! I would marry that woman!”

“Your point?”

“Oikawa cancelled his date with her, for apparently no reason, and he didn’t try to re-schedule,” Bokuto told and Kuroo made a surprised sound. Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes. “Yes, I’ve been reading Yukie-chan’s magazines again, but my point is: Oikawa is already changing his behaviour for you.”

“I don’t know what is worse: this stupid situation or the fact that we look like teenage girls reading gossip magazines and talking about boy problems!” Iwaizumi grunted and Kuroo laughed hard, only to have his other shin kicked by Bokuto.

“You’re gonna wake up the kids!”

“Sorry!” Kuroo showed his tongue, messing Katsurou’s black hair.

“Anyway… I have to tell him, then,” Iwaizumi breathed, rolling one of Michi’s hair locks around his index finger. “I just need to figure out how.”

“I have an idea!” Bokuto said, smirking, and Kuroo was laughing before the other even said anything else. “It is a good idea!”

“You wanted me to confess to Yukie with a mariachi serenade and a sombrero, mate!” Kuroo declared, shaking his head. Iwaizumi chuckled, remembering the past conversation.

“Yukie-chan likes mariachi!” Bokuto defended himself, pouting.

“Ha-chan,” Michi called, robbing a sleepy eye with her head tilted back, leaning against Iwaizumi’s stomach. “Is it morning? Can we go play volleyball?”

“She’s too adorable!” Bokuto awed, smiling. “She’s gonna be such a great player!”

“It’s not morning yet, Pebble,” Iwaizumi answered, bending over to give a soft kiss on her forehead. “Go back to sleep, we can play all the volleyball you want tomorrow.”

“Ok,” she smiled before getting comfortable again and, squeezing her giant dino-plushie, easily falling asleep once more.

“I wish we could be that relaxed and worry-free,” Kuroo sighed.

“We wouldn’t be able to play console games until midnight if we were!” Bokuto chuckled, grabbing his remote and preparing to unpause the game. “I’m gonna kick your sorry asses now!”

“Like hell you are!” Iwaizumi stated as he grabbed his own remote. Kuroo did the same.

“Let’s go for round two!”

**\---**

**2nd of January, 2016** **  
** **Park Axis Toyosu (Oikawa’s apartment)**

“Oikawa!” Ushijima called when he entered Oikawa’s apartment and was received with darkness. “Oikawa, where are you?”

“You’re too loud!” Oikawa’s whine came from the living room ahead and Ushijima didn’t wait any longer before taking off his shoes and walking the corridor that would lead him there. Oikawa was tangled in a mess of limbs and a blanket, laying on the sofa. “And what are you doing here?”

“You’ve been too silent since the beginning of the week,” Ushijima said, putting a bag on top of the sofa and taking off his winter jacket. “I texted and called and got no reply. Your sister said you didn’t go to Miyage for the festivities, so I had to come check on you.”

“You’re not my mum, Ushiwaka, and you’re married now! You have to take care of Kiyoko-chan instead of me!” Oikawa complained, his voice rusty and low, hiding his head under his blanket when Ushijima turned on the lights. “I’m too hungover for this!”

“Oikawa,” Ushijima called again, sitting down next to the bump that was Oikawa’s body and opening his bag. “What happened?”

“Arg!” Oikawa grunted and sat down properly, turning to Ushijima to yell at him when a fluffy black cat was shoved onto his lap. Ririi meowed softly before starting to purr. “Bringing your cat to make me talk is a low blow, Ushiwaka!”

“Ririi was missing you, so I brought him along,” Ushijima smiled, that peaceful and relaxed smile that almost made one believe there was nothing wrong in the world. Oikawa grunted again, blowing a lock of very messy hair away from his eyes. “Now tell me what happened and why are you getting drunk alone on your sofa?”

Oikawa frowned and looked away, his hands caressing Ririi’s fur while his mind tried to sort all the thoughts he had been so damn desperately trying to drown in whisky. He bit his lip and tilted his head back, cursing.

“Iwa-chan rejected me pretty bad,” he muttered, eyes fixed on the ceiling, doing his best to ignore the sharp pain in his chest and the coldness of his limbs. “I was… god! I wanted him so badly, I kissed him at the end of the meeting with Seijou and…” he hesitated, closing his eyes for a moment. At his side, Ushijima was listening carefully. “And he kissed me back and I was eager and wanted more and he wanted more too, goddamnit!” Ririi meowed lowly, as if calling Oikawa’s attention back to him. Oikawa petted his head before continuing. “And then, I don’t know what happened exactly, but he just pushed me away and said he couldn’t fall for me again because I’m a celebrity and a playboy!”

“He’s not wrong on that,” Ushijima pointed delicately and Oikawa glared at him. “You are a celebrity and you do date a lot more than what is socially considered normal. But it’s not like Iwaizumi didn’t know about that before.”

“Exactly!” Oikawa hissed, hitting his head on the back cushion of the sofa. His chest was still hurting and he felt slightly nauseous. “He knows I’m a celebrity and he knows I fuck around! Which I stopped since we won Worlds and I met him again!” He cursed, rolling his eyes. “It’s been over three months since I had sex. I’m making a bloody effort here and he just shoves me aside without a proper explanation?”

“Did you say anything that might have changed his mind?” Ushijima asked, simply and Oikawa looked at him with a grimace.

“No?” he hesitated, sinking lower into the sofa. “No, I didn’t. He just… I don’t know, something happened in his head and he just pushed me away. Because I’m a celebrity.”

“What do you plan on doing?” Ushijima asked. Oikawa pouted.

“Drinking whisky until my liver fails?” he suggested and Ushijima frowned at him.

“I need you alive and well tomorrow for practice,” Ushijima demanded. “In case you have forgotten, we have the Olympics in eight months.”

“I know, I know,” Oikawa sighed. “I wouldn’t let you go to the Olympics without me, Ushiwaka,” he patted his teammate’s shoulder before looking again at the ceiling. “I need to see him. Talk to him, understand what the fuck happened. Try to make something out of this.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Ushijima said softly, watching Oikawa with attentive eyes.

“I’m not going to give up on him,” Oikawa stated, swallowing dry. “It took me twelve fucking years to be able to get him back, I’m not letting him slide away so simply.”

“Just don’t be reckless, ok?” Ushijima asked, giving Oikawa a gentle smile. Oikawa nodded, silently thanking him.

**\---**

**3rd of January, 2016** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

Iwaizumi wasn’t sure when he developed the habit of sitting on his living room’s floor, his back against the big couch, and just staring into the massive city spreading outside his window wall. He started to do it because he needed to think or, simply, because he needed his brain to quiet down a bit. It became more natural than not for him to be sitting there, with his apartment only illuminated by the dim moonlight or the artificial lights of Tokyo streets, without a notion of time. It happened a couple of times, that he only realised how late - or early - it was when he started to notice the first rays of sunrise in the horizon.

That night, with the clock close to eleven, Iwaizumi found himself turning off the LCD screen where he was watching some silly drama without paying much attention to it, making a mug of tea and sitting down on the floor, with a light blanket around his shoulders.

He had been thinking about his conversation with Kuroo and Bokuto and he couldn’t deny that they had been right. The way he spoke with Oikawa in their last meeting and the things he told the other man were too harsh and simply not fair. Oikawa wasn’t responsible for Iwaizumi’s life and he shouldn’t be blamed for being who he was. It had been immature of Iwaizumi to react the way he did and he really needed to apologise and offer a proper explanation.

“If only I knew how to even start…” he muttered to the darkness, tea mug in between his hands. How to start explaining his life to Oikawa, what he did, what he thought, how he felt? Should he start with the Academy or maybe go directly to the Suigyoku case? Maybe he should just go straight to the point and just tell Oikawa, but… “Fuck! How the hell do I do this?”

He sipped his tea and closed his eyes for a moment. This was Oikawa. And as much as there was an entire decade of unknown in between them, Oikawa was still Oikawa and he still cared the world for Iwaizumi. There wasn’t much that could go wrong.

Opening his eyes again, Iwaizumi reached for his phone and typed a quick text. He hesitated for a moment, green eyes reading two and three times the simple message before sighing, sipping his tea, and pressing send.

To: Oikawa  
<23:12 - There’s something I need to tell you. Can we talk?>

He settled the phone on top of his stretched leg and hummed quietly. He still wasn’t sure how to deal with that situation, but he felt slightly relieved by having given the first step. And he still had a couple of days to sort things out, as he doubted Oikawa would have time to meet before the middle of the week.

Except that his phone was suddenly buzzing and Oikawa’s name was showing up on the caller ID. Iwaizumi’s stomach jumped and he almost dropped his tea mug, putting it on the floor before answering the call in a low voice.

“Oikawa?”

“ _I fully agree that we need to talk, Iwaizumi,_ ” Oikawa’s voice was sharp, badly disguised with fake cheerfulness. Something was wrong. “ _There’s definitely something you forgot to tell me._ ”

“Listen… this is not the kind of conversation to have over the phone, ok?” Iwaizumi breathed, scratching his head. “We should meet.”

“ _Again, I fully agree!_ ” Oikawa exclaimed, the fake excitement on his voice was seriously making Iwaizumi dizzy. What the hell was going on? “ _I’m at your door._ ”

“What?” Iwaizumi almost choked, standing up faster than he probably should have and stumbling forward a little. “You’re what?!”

“ _I am at your door. Your apartment’s door,_ ” he clarified, making Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. “ _Want me to ring?_ ”

“No!” Iwaizumi declared, cursing and swallowing dry. “No, I’m coming.”

He ended the call, dropped his phone on the sofa, along with the blanket, and walked as fast as he could to his front door, turning the entrance lights on. He opened the door slowly and was greeted with one of the fake smiles he hated so damn much. Frowning, he stepped back and crossed his arms, letting Oikawa walk inside the small entrance, closing the heavy door behind him.

“Such a fancy building, Iwaizumi, how can you afford something so luxurious?” Oikawa asked with a plastic smile and Iwaizumi’s nose wrinkled.

“How the hell did you find out where I live?” Iwaizumi questioned, ignoring Oikawa’s venomous tone, his senses tingling with the feeling of something being terribly wrong.

“The usual: my sister called your brother,” Oikawa singsonged, shoving his hands into his overcoat’s pockets. “And as for the security guard downstairs, well… who would have known his nephew would be such a big fan of volleyball, right? I told him we’re close friends and a smile, a selfie, and a handshake were all it took for him to let me up.”

“I’m having him fired first thing tomorrow and then, I’m arresting my brother,” Iwaizumi hissed, narrowing his eyes. Oikawa let out a chuckle and it was so bloody artificial, it was actually painful. “When I said talk, I honestly didn’t mean now. What are you doing here?”

“Do you know something else super interesting that the security guard said to me?” Oikawa asked, ignoring the other’s question, flowery voice full of sharp thorns. Iwaizumi really didn’t like his tone or his actions or the way Oikawa’s eyes were opening more than normal, like he was too overwhelmed with emotion, but trying desperately to contain it. “He said to me that if I was going to come up, then I should give you a call instead of ringing the doorbell,” he narrowed his eyes to a half-lidded, piercing glare, all the fake joy suddenly gone, “because it was already late and the _Lady_ should be asleep.”

Iwaizumi felt like an invisible fist punched him hard in the stomach. Fucking Murphy’s Law. How of all the possible ways for Oikawa to find out, it had to be like that. Iwaizumi cursed and rubbed his eyes with his right hand.

“You have a woman living with you and you simply forgot to mention her?” Oikawa growled, anger tainting his face and twisting his features. “What the fuck, Iwaizumi!?”

“Calm down. I can explain,” Iwaizumi breathed, keeping his voice low and raising his head to face Oikawa. “I didn’t forget to mention her, it’s just-”

“You have a woman and you’ve been playing me like a fool?” Oikawa spat, a mix of anger and frustration radiating from him.

“It’s not like that, Oikawa. Please keep your voice down,” Iwaizumi asked, crossing his arms again, but not moving from his place, barring Oikawa’s access to the rest of the apartment.

“Keep my voice down!?” Oikawa laughed, almost hysterically.

“Oikawa!” Iwaizumi growled, grabbing the collar of Oikawa’s Jacket. “I told you to be quiet!”

“If you wanted my voice down, you should have told me, Iwaizumi!” Oikawa exclaimed, mad eyes glaring at his friend. “You should have told me you have a woman!”

“I swear to god, Oikawa, you wake her up and I’m gonna beat the shit out of you!” Iwaizumi hissed while Oikawa’s hands closed around his wrists. “Get out, calm down and we talk tomorrow!”

“Like hell I’m leaving without a proper explanation!” Oikawa declared, pushing forward. “You lied to me! You let me believe we had a chance! You-”

“I never lied to you, you imbecile! Now shut up and leave!” Iwaizumi ordered, pushing Oikawa back. “We’ll talk tomorrow! Go!”

“I SAID I’M NOT-” Oikawa’s yell, mad, angered, hurt, was cut by a high pitched cry coming from inside the apartment, behind Iwaizumi.

“Ha-chan?” There was a sobbing, trembling voice and Iwaizumi’s hands tightened harder around Oikawa’s collar. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply as if to calm himself, before clear green eyes pierced Oikawa’s with fury on them, and the high pitched cry was heard again. “Ha-chan?!”

“You woke her up,” Iwaizumi growled like an enraged wolf in between clenched teeth, before pushing Oikawa away and turning around, walking inside. Oikawa’s eyes were wide and astonished, his face drained of all blood as confusion washed his anger away. He saw Iwaizumi walk towards the voice, a painful pressure hitting his stomach when he heard the sweet and loving tone the other man used when he spoke again. “I’m sorry, honey. Were we too loud?”

Oikawa felt suddenly dizzy, an immense feeling of lostness took over him. He leant against the closed door, his eyes never daring to move away from Iwaizumi’s back, following each movement with detailed precision, noting the fact that all the anger he had felt from the other man, seconds before, was simply gone.

“God, you’re shaking,” Iwaizumi breathed, crouching in front of a semi opened door and dark clouds were shading Oikawa’s mind. _This doesn’t make sense._ “Come here, Pebble. I’m sorry we scared you.”

Oikawa watched as Iwaizumi stood up slowly. He watched as Iwaizumi turned around in the same gentle and delicate pace and walked back to the front door. And he watched, like a slow motion feature had been activated, as the little girl in Iwaizumi’s arms pushed the giant green dinosaur plushie against her tiny body and hid her face into Iwaizumi’s neck, her dark, curly hair waving slightly with the movement.

“I promise is not a ghost, ok?” Iwaizumi said, in that loving voice that made Oikawa’s heart ache with sorrow, as he stopped right at the entrance and leant slowly against the wall to his right. “You’ve seen him so many times on the tv, you don’t recognise him now?”

She shook her head, face still hidden on Iwaizumi’s neck.

“It’s the Captain!” Iwaizumi exclaimed, smiling fondly while the little girl raised her head to look at him. “Not a ghost, like I promised.”

And then she shyly peeked at Oikawa, looking directly at him with scared, but curious, eyes and Oikawa felt the floor slip under him and he would have fallen if he wasn’t leaning against the front door. He covered his mouth with his left hand, his eyes wide open, his limbs trembling, his bursting heart screaming in his chest because _he knew_ those eyes and _he knew_ that expression and _he knew who she was_. Oikawa tasted bile in his mouth, sudden nausea hitting him hard and he had to close his eyes to calm the whirl of maddening thoughts crossing his mind. He heard Iwaizumi inhale sharply and he just wanted to run. Get out of there and run, as fast as he could, until his lungs burned and his mind cleared and his soul wasn’t breaking apart anymore.

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi’s voice was low, fakely calm with a tone of trembling hesitation behind. “This is Michi.”

Oikawa raised his head in an abrupt movement, snapping red eyes open to stare directly at Iwaizumi’s, a tear carving his face as his voice failed him once, before he dropped the last of his sanity like a dirty cloth on the floor.

“You have a daughter?!”

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?” - Wonderland, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
>  
> 
> _(:3」∠)_ So... Who caught the “Pebble” in the 1st scene?
> 
> Share your thoughts on a review, or you can reach out to me on **emcakira.tumblr.com** or **@emcakira**
> 
> Akira


	10. You drove us off the road

**Chapter 10** **  
** _“You drove us off the road”_

 

From: Hajime-kun

<00:28 - I’m sorry for texting you this late.>

<00:28 - We had an argument and he just left without a proper explanation from me.>

<00:30 - I can’t go to him. I’m not even sure if he would want to see me now.>

<00:30 - He’s not ok.>

<00:39 - I’m worried.>

 

 **4th of January, 2016** **  
** **Park Axis Toyosu (Oikawa’s apartment)**

 

Shou arrived in the early morning.

She entered her brother’s apartment with her spare key, took off her shoes and heavy winter jacket and walked inside. She didn’t say anything or externally reacted in any way when she found Oikawa laying on the floor, opaque eyes fixed on some infinite point, blank expression, no movement to acknowledge her presence.

There was a strong ache in her chest to see her little brother like that, it had been long since the last time that it had happened: the last time Oikawa was so overwhelmed with emotion that his mind entered damage control and he became numb.

Numb, apathetic, lifeless.

She made tea and grabbed a couple of blankets, sent a quick text message before putting her phone in silent mode, and lowered the blinds, giving the entire living room a dim atmosphere. She sat on the floor next to her brother, lifted his head and placed it on her lap, wrapped a blanket around him and put another over her shoulders. Then, she stayed in silence, motionless save for the hand that kept caressing Oikawa’s hair, for hours that she didn’t count.

The sun circulated half of the sky before tears soaked her skirt, before Oikawa’s body began to shake, before his pained voice finally started to echo incoherencies.

Shou waited.

She kept caressing her brother’s hair and she waited.

Waited for all his tears to dry and his voice to become hoarse. Waited for all his emotions to take over him once again and, once again, for him to become numb.

And she waited for the moment he would call her name in a weak tone and, slowly, he would tell her what was wrong.

**\---**

**5th of January, 2016** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

He was staring at his smartphone, carefully weighing all the possibilities that could come from texting Oikawa. It had been a day and a half since their meeting and Iwaizumi was worried sick. He knew Shou-san was with Oikawa, but he had no clue about the status of the other. He was certain Oikawa was not ok, he still knew that guy well enough to at least know that, but… which level of _not ok_ was it?

Iwaizumi cursed and kicked himself mentally for not being able to avoid that meltdown. He knew Oikawa would overreact and he knew there was nothing good coming from it. He should have told him in a proper conversation, with both of them sat down and without the misunderstanding of a non-existent lover. That conversation would have never been an easy one, but _“I have something to tell you”_ with _“There was someone important in my life before”_ followed by a proper explanation was definitely much better preparation for the bomb dropping of _“I have a daughter”_.

He would have never imagined Oikawa would simply show up at his doorstep by surprise, and with demands based on a misinterpreted information. What were the chances?

“Fucking hell,” he hissed, sipping his coffee.

Since the moment he joined the Organized Crime Division he had been careful and precautious. The Yakuza were not the kind of people one plays games with and his security was important. When he joined the Suigyoku Case, he knew he had to level up his skills of keeping himself, and his witness, safe. He started to trust fewer and fewer people, started to be more careful with where he went, who he spoke to, which means of transportation he would take. He instructed his family back in Miyage not to trust anyone and not to reveal any private information. He thought he was already being a little too paranoid (Bokuto told him so a couple of times), but he just wanted to be sure no one got hurt. Then, he found out he was going to be a father.

Secrecy and security became his motto. No one was to know about his child and no one was to know about him. Aside from his family - who he strictly told not to talk about it - the only ones knowing about his daughter were Kuroo, Yukie and Bokuto. He asked for a department transfer, but he was too valuable for his boss to allow him to do so - especially when the Suigyoku Case was barely finished. He started to take fewer and fewer Yakuza cases, but that didn’t mean his life was Yakuza free. He pushed for another transfer and was refused once again, and again, and again and once more too. His boss said the department needed him and Iwaizumi kept quiet. Allowing someone in the department to know about his daughter would be too dangerous, one never knew when a rat passed by.

His daughter had a normal baby life, spending nights at Kuroo’s and at Bokuto’s, going to daycare, going to the doctor and long afternoons at the park with Yukie. Iwaizumi made sure his kid was as happy, as lively and as healthy as a child should be. He sacrificed his routine for her, he would take detours to take her to the paediatrician for a checkup, he would not be seen in public with a child. Her safety was above anything and everything else.

For five years Iwaizumi made his apartment a fortress and his life was undocumented. For five years no one knew where he lived nor with whom, what his routine was, what his schedules were. For five years he made sure no one would simply pop up at his doorstep.

But then again… it was Oikawa.

Oikawa who had his ways to convince Iwaizumi’s brother to give him the address without raising any kind of suspicion. Oikawa who had his charm and smile and old photos from Seijou to pass past the security guard. Oikawa who had his phone number and who got him to open the door with a single sentence. Oikawa who had been beaten, broken and destroyed by the fact that, at some point in those past twelve years, Iwaizumi had moved on without him.

To: Shou-san  
<08:13 - How is he?>

He pressed send and dropped his phone on the kitchen counter, grabbing his coffee mug instead. He took a sip and closed his eyes, breathing out slowly. He was so worried. So, so, so damn worried he couldn’t even sleep properly. He just wanted to be able to explain everything, make it all clear and without misunderstandings.

His phone buzzed.

From: Shou-san  
<08:16 - Asleep. He’s calmer now.>  
<08:16 - What happened, Hajime-kun?>  
<08:17 - Are you ok?>

Iwaizumi sighed with a very small sense of relief before finishing his coffee and answering.

To: Shou-san  
<08:19 -  I’m functional.>  
<08:20 - As for what happened,>  
<08:22 - 12 years is a long time and there was a point where I didn’t believe he would ever return to my life.>  
<08:23 - He wasn’t ready to find out about that.>

“Ha-chan!” Iwaizumi looked up from his phone to the kitchen’s entrance where Michi showed up seconds later. “Did you fix my Godzilla keychain?”

“Oh, I did. I’ll go get it for you in a moment,” he said, smiling. “Have you made your bed and brushed your hair?”

“I brushed my hair!” she exclaimed shaking her head and letting her curls jump around.

“Go make your bed while I get the keychain for you, ok?” Iwaizumi told her, watching her nod and ran back to her room.

He closed his eyes, passed a hand through his short hair and swallowed dry. He breathed out slowly, sent one last text and left his phone on the counter, heading for his daughter’s room to help her make the bed and braid her hair.

To: Shou-san  
<08:28 - Thank you.>

**\---**

**5th of January, 2016** **  
** **Park Axis Toyosu (Oikawa’s apartment)**

“I thought he was gay,” Oikawa murmured, leaning against the kitchen door frame, a warm blanket around his shoulders. His hair was a mess and he had dark rings under his eyes, skin too pale to be healthy. Shou stopped cutting the vegetables she was preparing for dinner and turned her attentive eyes to her brother. He was finally talking, so she would give him her full and undivided attention.

“You mean Hajime-kun?” Shou asked in a loving tone, cleaning her hands with a kitchen cloth.

“Yeah… I always thought he was gay,” Oikawa said in a weak voice, clouded eyes fixed on the floor. “I mean… We both had girlfriends in high school and I know he had sex with one of them but… since we… were together during senior year I… I just assumed he liked men.” He sighed, pulling the blanket tighter around his neck. “There were several girls around him and he never looked at them. I never felt threatened by them, not even jealous. I- I really thought he was gay!”

“And he is not,” Shou muttered, more of an acknowledgement than actually a question, the text messages from early making more sense in her mind. Oikawa shook his head as she slowly stepped closer. “Tooru…”

“How did I let this happen?” he questioned, biting his lip. “How did I let twelve years happen in between us like this? He’s supposed to be my best friend and I didn’t even know he’s not gay?”

“Tooru, not like that,” Shou pleaded, warm hands coming up to hold her brother’s face delicately. “Don’t think like that, please.”

“I knew he was going to have lovers, I never expect him to wait for me in any way, but-” a sharp inhale broke his voice. “I thought it would be random fucks. Maybe a three-month long boyfriend. But I never thought- goddamnit!”

“Tooru...” She saw the regret and the pain drawing hard lines on her brother’s face and her chest ached. As the protective sister that had always been there for her little brother, Shou hated the fact that she could do nothing to ease his sorrow. Sure she was always there for him and she would always be a safe port whenever he needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to his deepest and darkest feelings. But she couldn’t take away that pained expression from his face and she couldn’t just wipe away the emotions slowly eating him alive.

Shou was there when Oikawa lost his first game and she was there when he kissed his first girlfriend. She was there when he won the best setter award and she was there when Oikawa made Ushijima his rival. She was there to talk to him about boys and girls and how safe sex worked, and she was also there when he, trembling and scared, asked her if it was bad to want to kiss a certain dark haired boy. She was there when he told her his feelings for said dark haired boy were becoming overwhelming, and she was there when he cuddled next to her on the sofa, at their parents’ house, and whispered “ _we had sex…_ ” almost like he was expecting her to yell at him. She was there to hug him tightly and to say _“It’s ok, Tooru”_ while his emotions were still boiling in his veins. She was there to slam the door hard enough for them to know there was someone home and that they were being too loud. She was there to give him a small bottle of foundation to hide that dark hickey on his neck. She was there to clean his tears when they fought after graduation and she was there to pick him up every time he would fall after that. She had always been there. And she felt like it had never been enough.

“I’m sure it’s not that-” she started to say, in her sweet and calming voice, trying to rip those hard and painful lines from Oikawa’s face, trying to smooth his breathing and wash away his tears.

“Iwa-chan has a daughter,” Oikawa said. Simply. With no intonation. Bare of emotions. A dry stroke disguised as a sentence.

“What?” Shou exclaimed, widened hazel eyes staring at her brother’s blank face.

“Iwa-chan has a daughter,” he repeated, a forced smile dragging the corners of his lips up. “Michi, he said. I’m sure it’s of Faith*, strong one-character names are a thing in our families, right? So I’m sure that’s the one he chose.”

“Hajime-kun has a baby?” Shou questioned, more astonished than actually curious, widened eyes searching for something - anything! - on her brother’s face. “Are… are you…?”

“Sure?” he snorted languidly, raising his head to face his sister. “It was almost like looking at an old photo of us when we’re that age.” he shook his head, letting her hands caress his cheeks and her warmth spread on his cold skin. “The same dark hair, the same tanned skin and her eyes! Oh god, her eyes! Is the same big and piercing green eyes with sharp eyebrows look Iwa-chan had his entire life!”

“How old is she?”

“I don’t know! Three? Four? I didn’t ask, I-” Shou hugged him tightly against her, forcing her on her tiptoes. She hugged Oikawa and she could feel his body shaking, she could feel his wrecked breathing and his body kept losing warmth. “She was using his Seijou number 4 jersey. And she had a giant green plushie. And the way Iwa-chan was talking to her and looking at her… it was so sweet and loving and I’m sure he’s just an- an amazing father because it’s Iwa-chan and he was always caring and thoughtful and loving!”

“Tooru,” Shou whispered, tightening her hug, the desperate tone in his voice slowly cracking her heart.

“He m- moved on without me! He had someone who mattered, he had a baby! What the fuck did I do?” Shou closed her eyes when she felt her shoulder becoming wet with warm tears. Oikawa was sobbing and shaking his head and she kept hugging him and said nothing. “It wasn’t supposed to be forever, I never said it was forever, I thought he knew I would come back for him. I thought he knew I would never leave him for good, I- I fucked up. I fucked up and he moved on without me!”

Shou cursed mentally. She would do anything to take that pain away. To make him feel better, to make him stop suffering, to ease his tormented soul. But on that moment, with a broken and weeping heart, Shou knew there was nothing she could do. Oikawa had been careless, he had not considered all factors and hypothesis and he had fucked up, so there was nothing she could do.

Hajime had moved on.

**\---**

**6th of January, 2016** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

 _“You were right. He wasn’t ready.”_ Shou’s voice had the same delicacy and smoothness of always and Iwaizumi sighed. _“He wasn’t ready for so many things that happened on Sunday night, Hajime-kun, I’m not sure I can even start to explain.”_

“You don’t have to explain anything, Shou-san, I’m the one who needs to apologise for how this happened,” Iwaizumi said, shaking his head slowly while he entered his dark room. “I… I was going to tell him. I’m not sure how, but it would have been better than him showing up out of the blue.” He hesitated a moment, sitting on his bed, phone strongly pressed against his ear. “I should have been able to tell him, to give him a proper explanation of what happened and I honestly wanted him to understand everything before he…”

 _“Hajime-kun,”_ Shou called, sweetly and lovingly, like she always did when he was a teenager and spent too much time worrying over Oikawa’s overworking himself. Her voice had a calming effect, like a serene melody that would wash away the harshness of the soul. _“This is not on you, dear. I understand that you wanted to tell Tooru in the best way possible, but you can’t blame yourself for this… situation.”_

“I really didn’t want this to happen,” he muttered, closing his eyes sharply. “I wanted him to understand, to hear it from me, to… to know that…” swallowing dry, Iwaizumi hesitated again. “I didn’t throw him away! I didn’t just wake up one day and forgot about him! That’s not what happened!”

 _“I know that, and he knows that too. Trust me, Hajime-kun, he knows that!”_ Shou breathed quietly, her tone feeling like she was just there, sitting by his side, a warm arm around his shoulders like she did too many times before. _“He doesn’t blame you for anything, please know that.”_

“I do know that…” he covered his eyes with a hand, that cold and empty pressure on his stomach becoming a growing discomfort. “But that only means he’s blaming himself and we both know Oikawa is not good with dealing with this.”

 _“And that’s why I’m here.”_ It was as if he could see the sympathetic smile on her gentle features. _“I don’t want you to worry, ok? He’s talking and he’s sleeping and eating too. It was a nasty blow for him, but he is getting better.”_

“I’m just… so tired…” Iwaizumi confessed, broken voice and trembling words. “Twelve years is a long time. And he left for twelve years! You know how hard I tried to talk to him and he just didn’t… he was gone from my life for twelve fucking years! With no explanation, with no goodbye, nothing! Of course I- I moved on!”

_“Hajime-kun…”_

“I had to move on… he needs to understand that, he needs to know that I had to move on!” He fell back on his bed, shaking hand still covering his eyes, a clear drop of liquid pain trailing a path down his face. “I believed he would never come back… so I had to move on! I never forgot him, I swear I never-”

 _“Michi is a beautiful name,”_ Shou said, in her delicate simplicity, with a quivering voice and a teary tone, and Iwaizumi’s heart skipped a beat. _“It’s such… such a beautiful name, Hajime.”_

And just like that, he was seventeen again and scared, lost and overwhelmed with feelings. Just like that, she was smiling at him again with crystalline drops on her eyelashes before hugging him tightly. Just like that, she was there to give him unconditional love and support and to tell him everything would be ok. Because just like that, _she knew_.

“It is…” he murmured, emotion flooding his soul as sorrow was slowly washed away and heavy tears started to fall. “Yes. Yes, it is!”

 _“Tell me about her?”_ Shou asked, almost like a plea, with the same crystalline pearls on her eyes and a gentle smile in her voice. Iwaizumi sobbed and chuckled and took a deep breath.

“She’s four, turning five in May,” he said, love warming his tone. “She’s healthy and bright and she’s smart too. She laughs a lot and she has a lot of energy, she always wants to keep playing even when her little friends are already tired.” He chuckled again, smiling in between tears. “Everyone says she looks a lot like me, but she’s so incredibly pretty I find that hard to believe. She adores wagashi and says she will join a tea ceremony club when she’s in school so she can eat wagashi every week. She’s tall for her age and she has beautiful curly hair.”

 _“She sounds lovely,”_ Shou whispered, and Iwaizumi could hear the sincerity and the affection in her voice. And he could feel a loving kiss on his forehead, as Shou would have given him, before holding his hands in between hers and, with a bright and truthful smile, she would ask _“Tell me more.”_

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“You drove us off the road” - All you had to do was stay, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> 信 - Faith; Honesty; Fidelity; Trust.  
> * “[Michi] of Faith” - The kanji of faith (信) can be used as a given female name that reads: Akira, Shino, Shin, Makoto, Michi or Yuki, in between others. So Oikawa is assuming Iwaizumi named his daughter after the kanji of Faith because it’s a strong one-character name.
> 
> Yes, I know I take a long time with updates. Apologies for that. Here's another one and I hope you liked it :)  
> Leave me your thoughts in a review or reach out to me on twitter **@emcakira** or on my tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**  
>  Small reminder that kudos are very much welcome :)
> 
> Cheers,  
> A.


	11. The love they gave away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleeeease read the AN at the bottom!

**Chapter 11** **  
** _“_ The love they gave away _”_

 

_09/Jan/2016_

From: Bokuto  
<09:12 - I heard the news! Congratulations on your transfer, mate!>

From: Kuroo  
<09:13 - Oya, oya! Look who is Yakuza-free now!>

From: Bokuto  
<09:14 - Oya, oya, oya!>

To: Kuroo, Bokuto  
<09:16 - Why am I friends with you two, again?>

**\---**

_11/Jan/2016_

From: Mom  
<10:21 - I understand you’re quite busy, but you could come spend a weekend with us, Hajime.>  
<10:22 - You could stay with us and then you could leave Michi-chan here for a little while. Your father and I wouldn’t mind.>  
<10:24 - I’m sure you have work to do and friends to visit. You could have a little vacation time to enjoy your life while Michi-chan stays with us, what do you think?>

To: Mom  
<10:29 - I’m a boring adult that likes to stay home and care for my child. I don’t want to bother you with these things, don’t worry.>

From: Mom  
<10:31 - Bring.my.granddaughter!>

**\---**

_15/Jan/2016_

From: Kuroo  
<08:36 - Yukie will be picking up Michi with the boys too. I confirmed the reservations for the onsen. This is gonna be awesome!>

From: Bokuto  
<08:41 - I made reservations for a fancy restaurant too! And they have an area for the kids to play so we can have proper dinner without worries. I’m excited!>

To: Kuroo, Bokuto  
<08:44 - I have _sake_ and the mahjong board. This will be fun. >

**\---**

_23/Jan/2016_

From: Shou-san  
<19:57 - Baby steps, Hajime-kun. Baby steps.>

**\---**

_27/Jan/2016_

From: Mom  
<09:28 - You promised to come for a week with Michi-chan, Hajime!>  
<09:29 - Your father and I would very much like to spend time with our granddaughter!>  
<09:31 - You had your transfer, so the bad guys are not a problem anymore. Michi-chan can skip pre-school for a week to stay with us!>  
<09:32 - And it’s pretty now here with all the snow, so bring her!>  
<09:49 - I want to spend time with my boy’s little girl, Hajime!>

To: Mom  
<09:56 - Ugh! Fine! Fine! I’ll take her there next weekend!>

**\---**

_02/Feb/2016_

From: Oikawa  
<23:09 - Iwa-chan…>  
<23:10 - Can we talk?>

**\---**

**6th of February, 2016** **  
** **Yamashita Park, Yokohama**

 

Sitting on a bench, with a can of black coffee on his hand, Iwaizumi started to regret his decision of _going for a walk_ at the Yamashita Park. Sure the place was quiet and peaceful, but the closeness to the sea along with the cold winds of winter made the whole place too damn uncomfortable. The sky was covered in dark grey clouds, the air was salted and there wasn’t a single person that could be seen around.

Leaning back against the wooden bench and adjusting the collar of his heavy top coat, Iwaizumi sighed and sipped his coffee. For close to a month he had waited for Oikawa to contact him. He had given him time, like Shou-san had said, and he had used that time to try and put his own head in the right place. He had thought about a lot of things, a lot about matters of his life, from his work to his daughter, about his family, friends and, obviously, Oikawa.

Iwaizumi was officially out of the Organized Crime Department and, even if he still had to be careful and keep an eye open for potential old enemies, the major risk was gone. That meant a lot more liberty and flexibility to simply enjoy life to its fullest. Michi was spending a couple of weeks with his parents - he couldn’t do much against his mother’s demands after all - and the fact that he didn’t have to constantly look over his shoulder every time he was out in public certainly made his life much easier. Point one of his problems was solved.

It was time to deal with point two.

“You’re late,” he breathed, sipping his coffee again and begging his heart to slow down, not turning to look at the figure who sat next to him on the bench.

“I know. I’m sorry,” Oikawa said, like a whisper, hands tucked in the pockets of his pea coat, hazel eyes fixed on the restless sea in front of them. “It’s snowing in Tokyo. The train got delayed.”

“It’s ok,” Iwaizumi commented, finishing his coffee, eyes still not turning to Oikawa. He was too damn nervous. He bit the inside of his cheek, forcing his mind to work properly, and exhaled through his nose. No small talk. Just rip the bloody bandage at once. “How are you?”

“Distracted,” Oikawa muttered, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. There was a timbre of uncertainty in his voice, but he seemed more relaxed and collected than Iwaizumi was expecting. That was a good sign, to begin with. “I got a jump-serve on my face yesterday because my mind wasn’t in the game. It has been a while since Ushiwaka-chan actually yelled at me like that. He was more worried than pissed off, but still.” A fake laugh filled the cold air before he kept going. “I keep trying to understand everything on my own, to make sense of my mind, but I can’t… there’s clearly a lot I don’t know and I won’t be able to actually put my thoughts in order if I keep not knowing.”

“I owe you an explanation,” Iwaizumi said, nodding slowly. “I wanted to explain everything properly the other night, but… the situation wasn’t very favourable.”

“I know,” Oikawa muttered, finally turning his head to look at Iwaizumi, hazel eyes deprived of their usual sparkle. “I know and I understand but… I need that explanation now. I need to know what happened.”

“You left,” Iwaizumi stated, plainly. Oikawa felt like the jump serve directly on his face on the day before hadn’t hurt that much.

“Iwa-cha-”

“No, I’m not accusing you of it. We talked about it and we’ve passed it,” Iwaizumi continued, shaking his head slowly, trying his best to keep that conversation as simple as twelve years of past could be. If only his heart could stop racing… “But you want to know about what happened and I have no other way to start telling you unless I start from the very beginning,” he sighed, turning his head to meet Oikawa’s eyes with his, sadness and bad memories floating around his green irises. “And that’s how it all started: you left.”

Oikawa swallowed dry. It was going to be painful, it was going to hurt like hell and it was going to tear his soul apart. But he needed to hear it, he needed to know, to be able to process it, to make out his mind. He had a month to go over his insecurities and to prepare his traitor heart for what was about to come. So on that moment, with a slightly trembling Iwaizumi sitting next to him, Oikawa bit his lower lip, took a deep breath and nodded, giving Iwaizumi the unspoken permission to rip him apart.

Iwaizumi cleared his throat, turning his gaze to empty coffee can on his hands.

“You left. And you took everything I had hoped, pictured, feared, dreamt… Every little thing that had crossed my mind about my future had you in it. And with you gone, all my plans simply disappeared, and I didn’t know what to do,” he said, shaking his head. “So I dove head first into studying and work. If I was studying or working, I wouldn’t be thinking about you and I wouldn’t be miserable.”

“The first year was horrible. The second was me trying to learn how to live my life without you around. The third was me trying to accept that you weren’t coming back and open my eyes to the fact that there were other people around.” Iwaizumi paused, looking at Oikawa, his attentive eyes tracing the other’s face, trying to decipher what was going on on his mind. But Oikawa had a blank expression that would let nothing through.

“At first,” he continued, “even the idea of another person was close to repulsive. I have to admit, alcohol helped. University parties filled with alcohol and questionable morals helped a lot,” he snorted, tilting his head back like the memories were buzzing in his mind. “I was famished with anger and I was aching to just lose my mind into rough and brutal sex. I obviously couldn’t find that on Campus, so…  Nichoume it was.

“I lost count of the nights I went there, I lost count of the guys I fucked, I lost count of what exactly was my objective in the first place. I was studying hard, working harder and fucking faceless men on cramped bathrooms or rundown hostels even harder.” He hissed, like the memory burnt his soul. “Bruises and marks became normal, drunk sex to make me forget my own name, it wasn’t even decent BDSM because there was no aftercare. It was pure animal instinctive sex and it was as horrible as it sounds.”

“I graduated top of my class, though. I got into the Organized Crime and, again, I dove deep into work. I was known as the crazy newbie who was taking case after case, spent more time in the office than anyone else and when I wasn’t in the office, I was at some random person’s house or hotel. I wasn’t as mad and blind with anger as before, so I started to fuck women as well.” He grimaced, closing his eyes for a moment. “I was disgusting. I didn’t care who was crossing my way. I kept telling myself that sex was better than drugs or alcohol, but it was just as destructive.”

Iwaizumi paused, hesitating before turning his head to glance at Oikawa, hoping for something, a reaction, an emotion, an expression… anything. But Oikawa had his eyes closed and his head tilted back and his face was clear and flawless as a white sheet of newly made paper. It was almost like he wasn’t there, and Iwaizumi sighed, focusing his attention back into the can on his hands.

“In August of 2008, I was requested by higher ups to join the Suigyoku Case. The case was one of the most important that Organized Crime had had and the political pressure to handle it without making a fuss was very high.” He reached inside his top coat and took out an old piece of newspaper with an article about a murder that was rumoured to be associated with the yakuza. He passed it to Oikawa and felt his hands trembling when the other reached for it. With a mental curse, he continued. “The problem about this case was that the witness was not just a random person. The witness of the case was a foreigner that had immense political influence not just abroad, but in Japan too. And if this person was killed by the Yakuza, it would mean the beginning of a very nasty international conflict.

“I was assigned to the case and I was told to do my job, so I honestly didn’t care about pleasing the witness like everyone else seemed to be doing. A person can’t be protected if people are tiptoeing around them, so I didn’t give a fuck about boundaries and privacy. We had some nasty arguments during the first couple of weeks. And then one night, whoever that was supposed to be on duty didn’t want to argue about privacy and left the witness alone in a random hotel room.”

He sighed, passing a hand through his hair, signs of fatigue clear in his voice. “That night was a mess! The yakuza sent a hitman, the other agents were too far away, I was at disadvantage, the witness was freaking out, the hotel staff were screaming like crazy! Anyway…” he swallowed dry, his right hand unconsciously grabbing his left shoulder, hard eyes focused on the coffee can. “I got a dangerous shot in my chest, the witness got shot in a leg, some hotel staff member also got shot. There were screams everywhere, the yakuza fled the scene and I lost conscious due to blood loss after calling for backup. I woke up in the hospital, hours later.”

“What the hell?” Oikawa exclaimed, voicing his thoughts for the very first time, horrified expression facing Iwaizumi. The trembling on his hands was stronger and there were hard lines of worry suddenly carved on his face. The mask had finally fallen.

Iwaizumi shrugged, like it was nothing, but it didn’t clear the desperate expression from Oikawa’s face.

“The witness was there when I woke up. She demanded to stay with me, so there was a massive security unit staying outside my hospital room because of her. She called me crazy when I woke up - I was confused as fuck - she insulted me and she made a scene there, at three in the morning,” Iwaizumi said, and his tone changed, making him chuckle softly. Oikawa winced. That tone felt like the tone one uses for a good memory, for a precious memory, for someone dear and Oikawa’s heart clenched with the realisation of what was about to come. “Then, in between anger and tears, she asked for my name. She had never asked for anyone’s name, she kept calling us by numbers. I told her my name and she smiled. I had never seen that woman smile before, I was wondering if her face muscles were frozen in a scowl. And then, she told me her name: Irvine Devi”

“I’ve heard that name before,” Oikawa pointed, trying to ignore the growing static feeling on his skin and recall where he heard the name while trying his best to not lose his mind. There was a shadow of a smile on Iwaizumi’s face and Oikawa felt his stomach contract painfully.

“You probably did. She’s one of the most important directors and board member of a famous International Bank and she has crazy political influence in several countries. Her face was on the TV for a while because she was not only the first woman to get in that position, but also because she was quite young compared with the old farts that usually run those businesses.” Iwaizumi explained, taking his smartphone off his pocket and typing the woman’s name on a google search. He tapped _images_ and tapped on a photo before passing his phone to Oikawa.

And Oikawa felt like he was being punched in the stomach, hard, when he saw the woman’s photograph. He pulled in a painful breath and he tried to avoid the hit that was about to come. Though, it was meaningless, for his heart was already bleeding as he recognised that woman’s high cheeks and her long nose and her dark and curly hair.

“She’s Michi’s mum,” Iwaizumi confirmed the question that Oikawa didn’t really need to make. Breathing out, Oikawa pressed his lips tight together, his free hand coming up to let trembling fingers run through his hair as he closed his eyes tightly. Iwaizumi stood up, standing in front of Oikawa with deep, serious eyes. “Are you sure you want t-”

“Yes,” Oikawa’s voice was hoarse, almost as if it had been dragged in gravel, but there was no hesitation there. “I want to know.”

Iwaizumi nodded, taking his phone back from Oikawa’s hands and pausing for a moment, as if he was organising his thoughts.

“Devi-san demanded to have me in charge of her security in relation to the case. She said she didn’t trust anyone else and, to be honest, after the incident at the hotel, neither did I. My boss accepted her request so I was put exclusively on the Suigyoku Case. I spent more time with her than I did with everyone else, I checked her apartment every morning and every night, I stayed at a nearby hostel more times than I can recall. Being in charge of her security demanded too much of my time and of hers. So, eventually, I started to stay over at her apartment. One night, then two, then a few. I was living there by the third month of the case.”

“You were living together?” Oikawa gasped, his voice had turned dark and harsh and he was still not looking at Iwaizumi, who still stood right in front of him. “Is it normal for Inspectors to go live with their witnesses?”

“Not really, but then again, this was never a normal case,” Iwaizumi said, watching Oikawa struggle with keeping his emotions under control. The pressure in his stomach was becoming cold and painful, but he had to continue. He couldn’t put Oikawa through that a second time, so he had to continue. “I moved in in November of 2008 and, little by little, we became friends. We had a good routine, I told her too much about the case and she told me too much about her business. She was thirteen years older than me, mature, and she knew a lot about life and people in general. She… knew I had a broken heart without the need to tell her and she knew, so much better than I did, that burying myself in work wasn’t going to make my broken heart stop bleeding.

“She was there to talk whenever I needed to talk, she never pressured me to share anything and she was always respectful of my space. The random one-night stands eventually stopped and my aggressiveness disappeared. Having her around was good for me. By just being there, by just listening and holding my hand, she helped me more than anything else ever did.” He paused, biting the inside of his cheek and hesitating for a brief moment. “I told her about you,” he confessed, almost a whisper. “I told her about you and- ah! She teased me for over a week because ‘ _Oh my god, Hajime! He’s so handsome! This isn’t fair!’_ I laughed so hard. It was the first time that I was able to laugh while talking about you. This happened somewhere in the beginning of 2009.”

Oikawa cursed, opening his eyes and looking directly into Iwaizumi’s. And the only thing Iwaizumi could see on those hazel irises was painful and pure remorse. He wanted to reach forward, to touch Oikawa, to take that suffering away from him, but Oikawa muttered a broken ‘ _Keep going_ ’ and Iwaizumi knew he couldn’t stop. _Rip the fucking bandage!_

“By the middle of the year, there was already some… mood in between us. And… Well, we were together by late 2009. The case was still going, so we kept it a secret. Luckily, the case ended in February of 2010. I got a good promotion and was assigned to another case. I never moved out of Devi-san’s place so,” _rip the bandage!_ “By March of that year, we were officially living together as a couple and in a stable relationship.”

A broken sigh left Oikawa’s lips, murmuring “You moved on…”

Iwaizumi closed his eyes, both hands clenching into fists hidden in the pockets of his top coat. He nodded.

“The problem was that, with the end of the case, she was finally free to move around again. So, her company requested her return to the original headquarters in Scotland. On that Summer, she told me she was going to return to Europe at the beginning of the next year and… she asked if I wanted to go with her.” The problem about ripping bandages, he thought, was that badly healed wounds still bleed. “I was seriously considering going.”

“What?” Oikawa questioned, astonishment still clear in the roughness in his voice.

“Yes,” Iwaizumi nodded, serious expression, watching the hard lines carving deeper into Oikawa’s expression. “At this point, it had been over six years since I last saw you. And I didn’t believe that you would come back to me anymore, so why stay? I had no reasons to be in Japan, my English was good enough to live abroad, and… I loved her.” He paused once again, a lump on his throat stealing his voice while he turned his gaze away from Oikawa. He wasn’t strong enough to keep watching. “I was in love with her at the moment. She made me happy and she brought me peace. Why not going with her?”

Oikawa covered his mouth with the back of his hand, white teeth biting down hard on the cared skin, strongly closed eyes keeping the tears at bay. Iwaizumi turned around, not being able to continue if he was still facing Oikawa.

“A couple of months later she got sick with a nasty flu, she stayed home a couple of days, she was feeling terrible and couldn’t keep anything in her stomach, so we figured she had a virus. She was fine in a few days after the doctor medicated her correctly, however…” he licked his lips, crossing his arms and tilting his head down a little. Staring at the wild sea in front of him, Iwaizumi cursed and kept going. “In between vomiting and malabsorption because of the stomach virus, the birth control pill didn’t work that month. She had no idea. She had always been too focused on the fact that she was losing important meetings and deadlines to remember about those details. She was taking the damn pill every morning, after all.

“When we found out about her pregnancy, it was a whirl of emotions. It was just too much. I wasn’t ready to be a father, I had never even thought about it, so I had no idea what to feel or what to think. Devi-san was quiet. Too quiet and I was freaking out. Then, I decided to do what was right,” he closed his eyes, knowing that would be the last blow. “I asked her to marry me.”

“What?!” Oikawa voice was still rough and heavy and hurting.

“It’s the correct thing to do, right? Isn’t that what our parents always told us? You take responsibility, so I was going to do that! Except that Devi-san had a full different view on this whole situation than I did! She sat down with me, holding my hands and told me what I already knew since the moment I met her: she didn’t want to be a mother. She was a business woman, fully focused on her career and had no plans of having a child around.” He kicked the floor and cursed, opening his eyes to stare at the dark clouds above them. “We had a very painful talk after that and the options were clear: If I stayed with her, there would be no child around; If I stayed with the child, she wouldn’t be around.”

He felt Oikawa standing up and stepping close to him, right behind his back, hesitating, hurting, breathing. He felt trembling fingers brushing his right shoulder in a feather-like touch and his heart halted. Static particles sparked on his nape and, for the first time since that torture started, Oikawa’s voice was no longer heavy nor harsh when he quietly whispered “I’m sorry, Iwa-chan…”

“Don’t be,” he shook his head, Oikawa’s delicate hold on his shoulder felt incredibly warm and comforting. “She wasn’t rude or demanding or anything. She presented the options in the best way possible. She said that she could have the baby and her family would take care of the child if I didn’t want to raise her. She also said she would make sure to fully support me with anything, from money to goods, to hired personal, anything I could need if I decided to keep the baby. She had a clear view of what she wanted and I had to make my mind,” he cliqued his tongue, trying hard not to just lean back into the warm body standing right behind him. “Deep down I knew there was not really a decision to be made, I wasn’t going to allow someone else to raise my child, but I needed to accept the idea that my life was about to chance. Again.”

He sighed, shaking his head as if clearing his thoughts.

“Because of her age, it was a risk pregnancy, so she was forced to stay in Japan until after the birth. Michi was born in May of 2011, Devi-san stayed until she made sure I was fully settled in the apartment with the baby. She was gone by the end of July.”

The fingers on his shoulder held tighter onto his coat, strong arms pushing him oh so gently against Oikawa’s chest. Without a word, a sound or even a blink, Iwaizumi accepted that he had no strength or will to step away. So he let himself fall back softly, into Oikawa quivering body, into his shaken breathing, into his silent need to be there for Iwaizumi, even if it was too many years too late.

“Kuroo already had a one year old and Yukie was expecting the second one. They, along with Bokuto, were a big help. My mother also went crazy on me. She came over for two months, she didn’t want to leave, she cried for an hour when she saw Michi for the first time and told me she had given up on getting grandchildren from me because of my _preferences_.” Iwaizumi shrugged, letting his head fall back into Oikawa’s shoulder. “Apparently my parents knew about us. We really sucked at keeping it a secret!”

“N-no kidding!” Oikawa chuckled in between sobs, shaking his head. He pulled Iwaizumi closer.

“Devi-san has been gone since then. We talk every now and then and she sends me ugly postcards from wherever her business takes her. She is a good friend, she worries and she wants to be sure I have all I need to take good care of Michi,” he told, feeling Oikawa’s hair tickling his cheek and oh god how he had missed those ridiculous little details. “I… I’m not in love with her anymore. She’s just a close friend who happens to be the biological mother of my kid. That’s all.”

He breathed out, shaking his head and slowly turning around. Oikawa let him turn, not stepping away but also not looking at him. The bandage was ripped, the old wounds were bleeding, and they would need time to heal properly.

Iwaizumi’s hand came to tap slightly against Oikawa’s coat lapel, green eyes searching for the hazel ones that kept staring away. Oikawa’s cheeks were flushed from the whirl of emotions he was forcefully holding back, the painful lines carved into his skin were deeper than ever. Iwaizumi sighed again, biting the inside of his cheek.

“I’m… I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you at the Izakaya. With my job and all the danger that came from it and the fact that you are famous, I…” he pulled slightly at Oikawa’s lapel, trying to figure the best words to use. “I didn’t react in the best way. I should have explained why you being famous is a problem. I’m sorry I made you feel like crap, I…” his hands came up, cupping Oikawa’s face in between calloused palms and forcing their eyes to meet. Hazel against green for the very first real time since they had met on that rainy park. Iwaizumi forced a sad smile.

“I have a kid,” he muttered, eyes never leaving Oikawa’s. “I have to think about her first and… being in a gay relationship with someone whom the paparazzi just don’t let go is risky for everyone.”

“I can get rid of the paparazzi, you know that. The paparazzi, my fans and my celebrity status are things that we can easily take care of. None of it is the real issue here,” Oikawa muttered, biting his lip and holding Iwaizumi forearms. He cursed, trying his best to keep his feelings under control, though they were slipping away like water in between his fingers. “The real issue is way more complicated than that.”

“Indeed,” Iwaizumi agreed, his thumbs caressing Oikawa’s cheeks carefully, voice dropping to a lower, hoarser tone. “The issue here is that it’s not just me anymore. So you need to think and figure out what you want. I have no doubts that you want me, but just me is not an option. To get me, you get her as well.”

Oikawa nodded, knowing exactly what was about to come out of Iwaizumi’s mouth next.

“So the question is: how much are you willing to commit? And, especially,” Iwaizumi breathed, hesitantly, almost as if scared of the weight of his words. He bit his lip, cursing, and leant his forehead against Oikawa’s, begging for courage to drag that very last question out of his throat.

“Can you become a father?”

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“The love they gave away” - All you had to do was stay, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
>  
> 
> So, I just did the final math for Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats and ~~(unless Oikawa decides to push the scenes terribly longer and force me to split chapters again)~~ it will be 15 chapters plus epilogue.
> 
> With that said… I’m going on vacations for 2 weeks starting on 12/Nov and when I’m back, I’m having a friend over for a few days and then, I’m going on a 4 day retreat with my company and - then! - I *might* have time to work on chapter 12.
> 
>  _But what does that mean, Akira?!_  
>  It means that chapter 12 will hardly come before New Years.
> 
> My most honest apologies, I tried my hardest to have Kaleido finished by the end of 2016, but it’s impossible. I’ve learnt a lot on how to manage my schedules (and it turns out that I suck at this!) and I believe that my next multi-chapter will be fully written before publishing in order to avoid (again) spending a year to write 16 chapters.
> 
> *whispers* _Shame on you, Akira, shame on you!_
> 
> For updates on how this is all going (or to know where the f*** I am at the moment), follow or chat with me on Twitter: **@emcakira** or on tumblr: **emcakira.tumblr.com**
> 
> Leave me a review with your thought, I would love to know what you think! And kudos are definitely very welcome as well :3


	12. Trains that just aren't coming

**Chapter 12** **  
** _"Trains that just aren't coming”_

 

 **13th of February, 2016** **  
** **Iwaizumi family home, Miyage**

“What on earth are they doing?” Shou’s voice sounded quiet as she entered the living room where Iwaizumi was standing. He smiled, tea mug on one hand, lively green eyes fixed on the group playing around in the snow, on his parent’s backyard.

“You would think that two twenty-year-old, fully grown men, attending the best universities in the country and with great sports scholarships would not roll around making snow angels, right?” Iwaizumi chuckled, sipping his tea, without turning to look at the woman now standing by his side, who was staring out the window with a slightly surprised expression on her face. “However, here they are, acting like they are five years old.”

“Well, you gave them a four-year-old to play with, they will obviously let their inner child out,” Shou giggled, watching her son, Takeru, and Tsuzuki, Iwaizumi’s younger brother, get up from the snowy floor and picking Michi up, so she could admire the snow angels they just did. “How long have they been out there?”

“Probably an hour or so,” Iwaizumi answered as the group started to pile up the snow. “I’m honestly surprised there isn’t a giant Godzilla snowman yet.”

“I’m yet to understand your family’s fixation with Godzilla,” Shou sighed, shaking her head for dramatic purposes.

“Says the woman who is the biggest alien-obsessed-person in the city!” Iwaizumi exclaimed, finally turning to look at her. Shou gave him a smile that reminded him too much of her brother. “Do you think I don’t know what all the crazy crap Oikawa pulls about aliens came from you?”

“They are out there, Hajime-kun!” Shou stated, her smile perfect and bright as always and Iwaizumi sighed. He put his tea mug on the table and, without hesitation, pulled Shou into a hug.

“I missed you,” he muttered on her hair, pulling her tight against his chest. He had, indeed, missed her dearly. From her fruity perfume to her delicate touch, he missed her voice and her laugh and her honest words of unconditional support. Oikawa Shou had always been the older sister he never had, the sister who always cared for him as much as she cared for her brother, the safe port he knew he could always run to. “I’m sorry I was away for so long.”

“It’s good to have you back,” she breathed, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso. “You damn boys grow way too much! Since when are you a full head taller than me?”

Iwaizumi laughed, hard. He noticed that he could lay his chin on top of her head without any problem. That wasn't such a simple feat last time he had seen her. Shou looked up at him and pouted.

“I don’t know why you’re complaining, both Takeru and Tsuzu are taller than I am!” he declared and Shou laughed, leaning her cheek on his chest again. “I should be the one feeling bad. I’m the oldest and yet, the shortest!”

“Our families have great genes,” Shou smiled again, looking out of the window where her son had Michi sat around his shoulders while Tsuzuki tried to give some kind of shape to the pile of snow in front of them. “Healthy, tall, smart and handsome. I couldn’t wish better for my boys.”

“I’m not so sure about the smart part, you know? Oikawa is definitely not very bright on that aspect.”

“Hajime!” Shou exclaimed, pretending to be offended, but laughing right away. She sighed, stepping back slowly and looking up at him with fond hazel eyes. “How’s Tooru?”

Iwaizumi grabbed his tea mug again, leaning against the window and crossing his arms, trying his best not to give away the tremendous uncertainty he had about that subject.

“We talked. He knows what happened,” Iwaizumi said, looking outside where the three children were - finally - building a giant Godzilla snowman. Shou remained quiet, patiently waiting for him to continue. “Now comes the hard part: it’s not just about us anymore. Michi is in the middle and I’m not going to jump head first into something that can end up hurting her.”

“You never took anyone home…” Shou pointed. A clear affirmation instead of a question. Iwaizumi nodded.

“You don’t take one night stands home to meet your kid,” he said, sipping his tea, hoping that his voice was sounding as casual as he wanted it to be. “Aside from Michi's mother, no one ever mattered before, but… Oikawa is different.”

“He always was,” Shou commented, a knowing delicate smile ornamenting her lips and Iwaizumi felt a shy blush heating his cheeks so slightly.

“Anyway...” he cleared his throat, eyes still fixed on the growing Godzilla snowman in the backyard. “He needs to think about the whole situation and he needs to see if and what he can compromise. I don't want paparazzi at my door every bloody day or Michi's photo on one of those goddamned pink magazines.”

“You’ll have to be patient, you know that, right?” Shou asked, quietly and delicately like ever, a soft, sad smile drawing in her lips. There was a certain urgency in her voice that made Iwaizumi turn to look at her. “Tooru, he… he never considered any of this. For him, it was clear that when he left, after your graduation, it was never forever. He never considered that you might have taken a different view on the situation, so… the fact that you moved on, it came as a shock for him.”

“I know…” Iwaizumi breathed, shaking his head. “We spoke about it also.”

“But that also means that Tooru had never, not even once, considered the possibility of becoming a father or having a family,” Shou said, plainly, and Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. Confusion mixed with disbelief spreading on his face.

“What?” Iwaizumi exclaimed, full attention focus on the woman in front of him. “But that doesn’t make-”

“Any sense?” Shou interrupted, a sad chuckle echoing between them. She leant against the window frame and sighed. “Of course it does. Tooru had his girlfriends and dated around, but they never meant anything. The pretty actresses he was involved with were purely worth for two things: sexual relief and pushing back any potential rumours. He was never serious with any of them and, honestly, they all knew they were temporary replacements for someone else.”

“Are you seriously telling me that… Oikawa really never…” he trailed off, shaking his head and leaving his tea mug on top of the table so he could cover his eyes with both hands, making some pressure, sliding them up to his scalp, messing his hair. Shou didn't really need to guess what he was trying to ask. She never needed to, to be honest, she simply knew.

“Got over you? Of course not!” she said, like it was as obvious as the clear blue sky of a cold winter morning. “He pictured his life with you and you only. There was never a scenario where he would be with anyone else, no matter the hypotheses. So, for Tooru, his future always meant being just the two of you. And maybe a dog or a cat. He never imaged having a family or being a father because thanks to Japan's current laws, that wouldn’t be possible.”

“That imbecile!” Iwaizumi cursed, closing his eyes tightly for a moment, while taking a deep breath.

“You know he lives in his own distorted world, Hajime-kun. He doesn’t mean it bad, but… that’s how he is. It’s going to be hard for him, trying to know if he can manage to actually change his views and accept that, to have you, he will have to become something he never, not even once, thought of being,” Shou pointed and Iwaizumi understood.

Of course Oikawa would be like that, of course that crazy ass idiot would disappear from Iwaizumi's life for twelve fucking years, but still believe they were meant to be! Of course he wouldn't even consider the hypothesis of staying with someone else, of doing what the entire society expected of him: marry the prettiest actress of the country and having the most perfect, loving family with two perfect kids and a dog.

“And...” Shou hesitated, her eyes fixed on the little girl that was laughing hard at a snowball that hit Takeru in the face. “It's going to be hard. He doesn't believe he's good enough to be a father. He doesn't think he can be a role-model outside volleyball.”

“Why didn't I fall in love with you instead?” Iwaizumi asked, an almost desperate tone in his voice and Shou giggled. “I'm serious! He's clearly the problematic, crazy one. My whole life would have been so much simpler if I had just fallen for you instead.”

“In case you didn't notice, I'm married, with a twenty-year-old son and I'm twelve years older than you, mister,” Shou pointed with a softer version of Oikawa's smirk.

“Well, you can get divorced, Takeru is practically Tsuzuki's twin and Michi's mother is actually older than you, so I don't see a problem.”

“Hajime!” Shou gasped, covering her mouth with a hand and laughing. “How forward!”

“It would have seriously made my life so much damn easier,” he chuckled, shoving both hands into his jeans' pockets. “But oh well, I guess my stupid heart likes complicated instead.”

“Obaachan!” Michi's voice sounded from the backyard entrance to the kitchen. “Where's papa?!”

“In here, Pebble!” Iwaizumi called and, in between giggles, Michi showed up at the living room entrance in a few seconds, snow covering her hat.

“I made a Snow Godzilla with Ta-chan and Tsu-chan!” she exclaimed, a big and bright smile on her face as she ran to her father's side. “And it's big and it has teeth and claws and-” she paused, noticing Shou and looking at Iwaizumi with a clear question in her big green eyes. He picked her up, making sure she was at eye level with Shou, who smiled at her. Michi giggled again. “Ha-chan, the lady looks like the Captain!”

“Yes, she does. She's the Captain's sister,” Iwaizumi agreed, taking the orange beanie from Michi's head. She shook her hair, the dark curls jumping around lively, and she turned to her father, as if telling a secret.

“She's really pretty!” Michi whispered and Iwaizumi laughed.

“She is, isn't she?” he kissed Michi's temple sweetly, noticing Shou’s bright and wonderful smile drawing on her lips as tears ornamented her lashes. “Pebble, this is Shou. Your aunt.”

**\---**

**23rd of February, 2016** **  
** **Park Axis Toyosu (Oikawa’s apartment)**

Oikawa dove into the pool of his condominium, too early in the morning. The sun was barely peaking and Oikawa had already gone for a run, did his morning yoga routine and decided that a swim couldn’t hurt. He was overthinking and physical exercise helped him prevent that.

It was not a very smart option, though, for what he wouldn’t be thinking about while pushing his body to extremes, he would be over analysing later, during a quick shower or a fast meal. Postponing problems had always been a damn bad habit, and he didn’t seem to be doing anything to change that.

Except that he would have to, wouldn’t he? Change his bad habits, stop his destructive behaviour, turn his petty and selfish person into someone worthy of… raising Iwaizumi’s child. That was the objective, wasn’t it? To be able to prove to Iwaizumi that he could do it, he could be the person Iwaizumi needed him to be, he could learn some selflessness and responsibility and he could become someone worthy of being called a father.

He wasn’t bad with kids, he knew that. The hours he spent teaching at the kids’ volleyball club had proven that, but… one thing is to be good with kids one only sees every two days and for a couple of hours, another completely different is to know how to raise a child.

Raising a child meant a whole new world of things Oikawa had never even considered. Making sure she was wealthy, cared, fed, happy, making sure she would grow up with the right moral values, would be fair and righteous, and all those things that no one ever thinks of when considering a child and can, so damn easily, end up ruining everything. It’s so easy to screw up when raising someone and so, so damn hard to do it right.

Oikawa was scared.

When he returned to Iwaizumi’s life, he had all the confidence that he was what Iwaizumi wanted and needed, because they always fit together and they were always meant to be. But… that hadn’t been exactly true. Iwaizumi had changed his life, he had changed his needs and he had shaped a whole new future around himself that Oikawa wasn’t sure if he could simply fit there. He expected a future with just the two of them and Iwaizumi was suddenly offering him a chance of having a family. A family he never thought of or even wanted. A family to love and cherish. A goddamn family he never thought could be possible!

The first time he noticed that he was looking at Iwaizumi with different eyes, he didn’t really dare to go any further than _I want to kiss him_. He believed that that hidden desire, that deep wish of kissing the boy he was feeling so much for - his best friend! - would be the endgame of his reveries. But Iwaizumi kissed him out of despair and one kiss led to another and sex happened and, out of the blue, Oikawa was picturing a full life ahead of them.

He saw them living together in Tokyo, studying different fields. He saw them moving to a bigger apartment after graduation, he saw international travelling for both of them, he saw a dog and, later, a cat. He saw distorted futures where he never joined the National Team and was not a celebrity, he saw them having a cosy home and salaryman suits, he saw them moving to a smaller, quieter city. He also saw a future where Iwaizumi had never given up on volleyball and had made it to the National Team with him, he saw both of them posing together for those sports magazines - “The unstoppable duo!” - he saw them in public interviews and standing tall and proud on the 1st place of the World Championship podium together. He had pictured all possibilities, all options, all scenarios.

He just hadn’t pictured Iwaizumi moving on. He hadn’t pictured Iwaizumi falling in love with someone else. He hadn’t pictured Iwaizumi becoming a father. He had never pictured Iwaizumi without him, to begin with!

But it had happened. It all had happened and Oikawa had no idea what to do. He was petty and foolish and spoiled and selfish and childish and had a terrible personality! And if that wasn’t enough, he had crazy stalking fans and paparazzi and too many gossips around him and fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

“I can’t do this!” he screamed to the empty pool, smashing a fist against the wall, splashing water all around. Both hands clenched hard around the pool’s edge and he leant his forehead against the cold tiles. His hands were shaking and his heart was beating desperately and erratically. “I can’t fucking do this!”

Only, he had to. There was no other option, was there? It was either that or losing Iwaizumi forever and that was something Oikawa was not really willing to allow. He cursed, hating the fact that he felt so damn weak and silly, so not worth of what he was asking - demanding! - of Iwa-chan.

He got out of the pool, cold drops of water running down his skin, and grabbed his phone without even stopping to dry his hands. He pressed his agent number and waited for two rings before a voice on the other side greeted him with warmness. He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

“Cancel all my interviews and photoshoots, please,” he said, rugged voice echoing painfully on his mind. “No, not just the ones for this week, all of them. And come over. We need to talk.”

**\---**

**12th of March, 2016** **  
** **Kuroo’s apartment, Akasaka**

Iwaizumi was honestly questioning why - why in the whole goddamn world - he was friends with those two idiots! The two idiots that were laughing their asses off on Kuroo’s living room floor because there was really nothing better for them to be doing on a damned Saturday morning than to laugh at Iwaizumi’s face.

“Are you finished?” he growled, frowning and glaring at the two idiots he still called friends.

That only made them laugh harder.

“I hate you,” he hissed, looking away when tears started to wet Kuroo’s eyes. Bokuto was voiceless due to how hard he was laughing. “I’m gonna start talking only to Yukie, you two are worthless.”

“I’m sorry, mate, really!” Bokuto said, trying his best to make his voice work again. “But it’s just too funny!”

“It’s hilarious!” Kuroo exclaimed, bursting out in laughter once again. Iwaizumi wanted nothing more but to hit them.

“It’s not hilarious! It was so damn embarrassing!” he groaned, hiding his face in between his arms and shaking his head. “And that idiot Oikawa seriously can’t react like a normal person!”

“He ran away!” Bokuto snorted, laughing like a maniac. “He just seriously ran away?”

“He did…” Iwaizumi nodded and more hysterical laughter echoed in the living room. He was so glad the kids were out for swimming classes. “You could see his brain freezing and his wild instincts kicking in behind his ogled eyes. And he ran away.”

“You explained to him that Michi does that with everyone, right?” Kuroo asked in between tears. Iwaizumi nodded. “That it was not on purpose, it was just that that’s how she calls people she gets comfortable with and his name happens to be Tooru?”

“He froze, Kuroo, he didn’t listen to shit I said!” Iwaizumi stated. “He froze, said something that made absolutely no sense as an excuse and ran away,” he cursed and messed his hair. “Hell! Michi even asked me if she had broken him!”

“That child is so precious!” Bokuto snorted, grabbing his belly and rolling on the floor.

“Aside from Michi calling him Too-chan* and silly Oikawa freaking out, things have been good in between you three, yeah?” Kuroo questioned, taking a deep breath to control his laughter. “It’s not the first time he goes over for lunch or dinner with you.”

“He’s… trying,” Iwaizumi replied, leaning his head on his hand and looking away. “I can see the effort, but he’s also scared. To be honest I think he’s just considering too many things and being terribly over-conscious of himself.”

“The pink magazines are all going crazy, asking what happened for him to be suddenly gone from the public spotlight,” Bokuto commented, rolling on his stomach and leaning his chin on his hands. “The fans are even more lunatic all over this issue. Rumour is that he got a very jealous and controlling girlfriend that is not letting him go public.”

“I am honestly sorry for his agent, who has to deal with all his crap,” Iwaizumi muttered, but couldn’t keep a small smile from his lips.

“You’re honestly happy he’s doing this, aren’t you?” Kuroo asked simply, the typical devious smirk on his face.

“I’m not happy about the whole crazy situation, but…” Iwaizumi hesitated, a soft expression caressing his features, while his heart slowed down and his stomach jumped oh so slightly. “He’s trying. Even with all that it means, even with all the drama of his fans and of the public spotlight and stupid paparazzi and his own emotional instability… Oikawa is trying. And that means something.”

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“Trains that just aren't coming” - New Romantics, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> * Too-chan sounds exactly the same as Tou-chan (father - though is commonly used with the "-san" suffix instead) and Oikawa has issues x)
> 
>  **岩泉.二** \- Iwaizumi Tsuzuki - > Just in case anyone is wondering how much of a name/Kanji nerd I am :3 Iwa-chan’s name has the kanji of “one” ( 一 ), so his younger brother definitely needed the kanji of “two” ( 二 ) :D


	13. (Broke your heart) I'll put it back together

**Chapter 13** **  
** _“(Broke your heart) I'll put it back together”_

 

 **1st of April, 2016** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

 

“No, no! That’s not an option!” Iwaizumi growled at the phone, pacing back and forth in his living room. “It’s sakura season, it’s Saturday and it’s four in the afternoon! I can’t just find a babysitter!” He mumbled a curse so that Michi - who was enthusiastically showing her volleyball jerseys collection to Oikawa - couldn’t hear it. “And that’s why I got a transfer! So I don’t have to work on Saturdays! Find another person! I don’t care if there’s no one else! I’m not taking my kid with me and there are no babysitters available when the sakura trees are all in full bloom!”

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa called as Michi ran back to her room to get a missing jersey. Iwaizumi waved his hand, too focused on the conversation on the phone.

“You did not just suggest me to call in an emergency squad to babysit my daughter!” Iwaizumi hissed, covering his eyes with his free hand. “I’m going to fire you on Monday! I don’t care! Figure it out!” he cursed again and hang up, messing his hair right after throwing the phone on the couch in front of him. “That useless imbecile!”

“That terrible?” Oikawa asked, folding the last jersey Michi had shown him - which happened to be a copy of his own National Team jersey - and smiling softly at his friend.

“They arrested someone from a previous case and apparently there is a conflict of interests between two departments and ongoing operations. It’s urgent and they want people that know the cases to deal with it,” Iwaizumi hissed, sinking down onto the sofa next to Oikawa and crossing his arms. “But almost everyone is either undercover or out of town and they’re just too used to call me first!”

“It’s tough to be their best guy,” Oikawa smiled and Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes at the other man.

“Don’t make fun of me, you!” Oikawa couldn’t help but laugh at the frown on his friend’s face right before Iwaizumi’s phone was ringing again. “I’m going to murder them! And then fire their sorry arses!”

“You know, if it’s really that urgent,” Oikawa muttered, hesitating and looking around the spacious living room while Iwaizumi muffled the sound of his phone ringing with a pillow. “I could take care of Michi for the rest of the day.” He suggested and there was an awkward silence in which Iwaizumi looked at him with widened eyes and Oikawa was trying to do anything but face the other man. “I mean, the team is meeting for sakura viewing and later they’re planning on going for an informal game, and since Michi likes volleyball and them so much I could take her with me and-”

“Are you serious?” Iwaizumi deadpanned, looking directly at Oikawa’s blushing face.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa complained, crossing his arms, defensively. “I wouldn’t suggest it if I wasn’t! Besides, you know I can handle kids, I taught at volleyball clubs as a part-timer up until 3rd year of university and if it’s the paparazzi that you’re worried about, they’re not really bothering me anymore and the middle of all of the people in the parks, no one will recognise me either.”

“You’re ranting,” Iwaizumi said, hiding a chuckle.

“I know!” Oikawa stated, blushing harder and hugging a pillow, pouting. “If you don’t want to, it’s fine. I just thought to offer since-”

“Thank you,” Iwaizumi said, smiling, and Oikawa was left eyeing him without words. “That would be very helpful. I’m sure it won’t be more than a couple of hours, I can go pick her up before the game, I’m certain, so…” he hesitated, looking away for a brief moment. “It would be nice if you could babysit Michi for a bit.”

Oikawa felt his face burn in response to the deeply serene and happy smile on Iwaizumi’s lips.

“Of… Of course, Iwa-chan!”

**\---**

Oikawa wasn’t certain of what exactly to expect when he showed up at Inokashira park to meet some of his teammates, with Michi by his hand. Sure it was a small meeting and sure it was just with some of the people he was closer with within the team, but it was still Oikawa Tooru showing up with a child. And of course that Nishinoya’s immediate comment of ‘ _I knew you had knocked someone up at some point!_ ’ only made his first impression of his team’s reaction into a terrible one.

But after some pouting on his side, some overly excited smiles from Michi and a loud and honestly surprised ‘ _Iwaizumi-san has a kid?!_ ’ screech from Kageyama on the moment he laid eyes on the little girl - after all, she was, indeed, very alike her father - the remaining members were warm and welcoming. Only Sakusa said something about children and germs and stepped back a little, but everyone else seemed to be enjoying the twist of their captain actually babysitting someone (instead of constantly needing babysitting himself). Ushijima smiled openly at Michi and Kageyama got over his initial shock with a little push from Nishinoya, who was thrilled with the idea of Oikawa being with a kid that _is only four but madly crazy about volleyball_! And then, Michi called him _Noya-nii_ and Oikawa swore he had never seen Nishinoya so damn euphoric and overly excited.

“Iwaizumi let you babysit, I see,” Ushijima pointed while they sat on the picnic blanket and watched, amused, as Nishinoya summoned a volleyball ball from nowhere and was happily teaching Michi how to do a proper receive. “Any special occasion?”

“He had an emergency at work and I thought… well, why not, right?” Oikawa snorted, shaking his head and biting his lower lip. “Truth to be told, I’m terrified that something may happen to her.”

“As I see it, at this point the worse that could happen is Nishinoya kidnapping her,” Ushijima said while the libero was patiently positioning Michi’s arms in the correct position. Next to them, Kageyama seemed to be paying full attention to the lesson at hand. Sakusa was still keeping his distance.

“You’re even making jokes about this! What happened to you?” Oikawa interrogated, eyeing his friend and getting a happy chuckle in response. “Seriously… deep down I know everything will be fine, we’re responsible adults and nothing at all will happen to Michi, but… I’m so scared… and she has been with me for an hour! How the hell- like- ARG!”

“Breathe, Oikawa,” Ushijima said, sipping the strawberry juice in his hands. “Iwaizumi trusts you enough with her, so just trust in yourself too.”

“That’s so much easier said than done!” he pouted, sighing and dropping back, allowing himself to lay down on the blanket, eyes looking at the sea of pink petals above them.

“Well, if you are to become her father too, then that is something you’ll have to learn,” Ushijima pointed, his calm and deep voice sounding too damn right to Oikawa’s ears. “I’m sure Iwaizumi was just as terrified as you are now when she was born.”

“Yeah, but he has almost five years of experience now and I have none!” Oikawa pointed out, still pouting, and closed his eyes for a moment. “That’s super unfair!”

“You have time to get that experience, don’t worry that much about it,” Ushijima smiled and Oikawa chuckled, knowing his teammate was right. “How are things going between you two? Aside from babysitting.”

“Good,” Oikawa said, a tender look on his face. “We’re meeting more and more often and Michi is also coming along more times than not and… She’s a nice girl, so very much like Iwa-chan, I…” he hesitated, biting the inside of his cheek. “I’m starting to get attached to her and… I can see a future with her in it and… that is terrifying!”

“You’re not going to screw her up, you know that, right?” Ushijima asked quietly and Oikawa whined. “You have your ways and your spoiled behaviour and you’re quite petty, but you’re not a bad person, Oikawa. And when you care - and you do care - you actually become someone very proper and decent.”

“Ushiwaka, you’re already married, don’t try to get me on your good side!” Oikawa huffed and Ushijima smiled again. There was a certain aura about him on that day that made Oikawa wonder if something good had happened.

“What I’m saying is that you’ll be perfectly fine with all this and you don’t need to be terrified,” Ushijima pointed, looking at Oikawa for a moment before looking again to the little girl surrounded by the national team members, all happily playing some sort of volleyball. “Being a father is not something that happens overnight. You have to learn it, slowly, little by little, figuring it out a step at a time.”

“Look at you, so wise!” Oikawa chuckled, sitting down and dropping his head on his friend’s shoulder. “Figuring out how to be a father, hm? That’s not going to be easy.”

“No, it won’t. And being terrified won’t help also, so…” there was a little pause where Ushijima breathed slowly, his posture as correct as ever and his voice filled with a strange warmness that was almost unfamiliar to Oikawa. “If you want, from now on… we can figure that out together.”

“Ushiwaka, what-” Oikawa started before a light flashed on in his mind and he straightened himself in a blink, wide eyes staring at a slightly blushing Ushijima. “Shut up! Are you telling me-? Really?” Ushijima nodded shyly and looked at the juice cup in his hands. Oikawa’s arms were around him in a moment, pulling him into a strong hug. “Congratulations! I can’t believe! Oh my god, Ushiwaka, that was fast!”

“Oikawa!” Ushijima exclaimed, blushing harder before his friend’s loud laugh.

“For when?!” Oikawa asked, a big smile on his face as he stared at Ushijima.

“October,” Ushijima smiled and Oikawa hugged him again. “So I guess we have a few months to figure this all out.”

“I hardly doubt you need any figuring out!” Oikawa said, laughing.

“True!” Ushijima chuckled, warm and soft and oh so pure smile on his face. “I’ve been taking care of you for over a decade, a baby can’t be worse than that.”

“Mean!”

**\---**

Iwaizumi was exhausted. The nice and calming day he had planned had been turned into a rushed mess of paperwork, making decisions that were not part of his job anymore, and yelling at useless subordinates that kept screwing up. The problem had taken much longer to deal with than he had anticipated and he had been forced to call Oikawa and apologise a couple of times before asking him if he could stay longer with Michi. At some point during the day, Iwaizumi was actually grateful at his past self for giving Oikawa a copy of his apartment’s key so he could go back with Michi whenever he wanted to.

He sighed when he reached his front door, watch marking 23h46. It was supposed to be a cosy day between the three of them. Lunch, a volleyball game, a movie, and dinner. Simple and domestic and without any drama other than the fact that Oikawa still sucked at cooking and shouldn’t be allowed near a stove. That had been so much better than a freaking ridiculous emergency call because no one knows what the fuck they are doing in the first place.

“I need a new job,” Iwaizumi grunted before opening the door and entering his home. He muttered _tadaima_ as he took off his shoes, jacket, and dropped the keys into the keys basket, before heading inside, only to stop at the entrance of his living room, feeling suddenly amused by the scene in front of him.

Oikawa was asleep on his couch, face leaning into the side headrest, the tv remote in one hand like he just dozed off while watching some documentary. At his side, curling against his body, was Michi with her giant dinosaur plushie, green eyes wide open and totally focused on the volleyball game that was playing on the cable tv. Iwaizumi mentally cursed his heart for feeling suddenly so warm.

“Pebble,” he called, getting the attention of the little girl who raised her head to look at him and giggled. “Did you sneak out of bed after Oikawa fell asleep?” he asked and got a huge grin from his daughter in response. He sighed and gave her a tender smile back. Of course she had done that. He should have told Oikawa Michi had the habit of pretending to be asleep just to sneak out of bed to watch more TV later on. “Come on, let’s get you in bed.”

“Ha-chan!” Michi called as she jumped out of the sofa and ran to her father, the big dinosaur plushie tightly pressed against her. “Today was amaaaazing!”

“Was it?” Iwaizumi asked, picking his daughter up and moving to her bedroom. “What did you do with Oikawa?”

“We went to a park and Ushiwaka-chan and Noya-nii and Tobio-chan and Sakusa-kun where there!” she said, eyes sparkling and big smile. Iwaizumi made a mental note to kick Oikawa for the _Ushiwaka-chan_ and the _Tobio-chan_ , but he thought that could wait for later. “And Noya-nii taught me how to do the best receives and we played volleyball and Ushiwaka-chan is soooo tall! Can I be that tall too, Ha-chan?!”

“If you eat your broccoli,” Iwaizumi chuckled and Michi pouted at him.

“Captain said the same,” she muttered, hugging her dinosaur strongly when Iwaizumi put her on top of her bed. “That I have to eat the broccoli if I want to be tall and strong to be a wing spiker for the national team.”

“He said that, hm?” Iwaizumi chuckled again and waited for Michi to crawl under the covers before tucking her in her favourite blanket. “He’s right. You need broccoli if you want to be a great player. We all ate lots of broccoli when we were your age!”

“Kou-chan didn’t! And he was good too! And tall!” Michi stated, pout becoming more evident.

“Bokuto is not a professional player, is he?” Iwaizumi pointed watching Michi buried her face on her dinosaur. “Oikawa and Ushijima are and they ate their broccoli!”

“Fine! I’ll eat broccoli!” she whined and Iwaizumi laughed, kissing her forehead and caressing her curly hair.

“Goodnight, pebble,” he said and turned off the light. “Don’t go sneaking out to watch TV!”

“Goodnight, papa!” Michi giggled as Iwaizumi closed her room’s door and left.

Back to his living room, Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa, who was still asleep and hadn’t moved at all. He wondered if he should wake Oikawa up. It was late and the last train had already passed. Of course that he could always take a taxi home, but that would be an unnecessary expense. Sighing, he got closer and, oh so delicately, brushed a brown lock away from Oikawa’s eyes.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty,” Iwaizumi said, softly and almost loving. “You’re gonna get a terrible neck ache if you sleep the whole night like this.”

“Hum…” Oikawa opened a sleepy eye and smiled. “Iwa-chan thinks I’m beautiful.”

Iwaizumi snorted. Of course he would say something like that just to tease, but for a very brief moment, Iwaizumi really considered answering with _of course I do, I’ve been thinking you’re beautiful since we’re 7 and you showed me that massive smile just because I gave you a volleyball as a birthday gift._

He didn’t though.

“Iwa-chan just put Michi back in her bed because sleeping beauty here was taking a nap,” Iwaizumi said and he had to admit there was a certain level of satisfaction when he saw the way Oikawa’s eyes just widened and panic started to drain the blood from his face. “Don’t freak out, she does that. She waits for whoever is taking care of her to get distracted for a second and she sneaks out and comes watch tv.”

“You’re mean!” Oikawa whined, sighing in relief.

“You kinda deserve it for falling asleep,” Iwaizumi chuckled. “How was it with the guys?”

“The team loved her, you know?” Oikawa muttered, shaking his head and getting up from the sofa, standing close to Iwaizumi. “I was actually a bit afraid Nishinoya would steal her away and Tobio-chan was so mesmerised!”

“She told me you had a good day,” Iwaizumi smiled and his right hand brushed softly against Oikawa’s. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s ok, Iwa-chan, you had work to do and Mi-chan was actually quite happy to be around the guys and play volleyball with them most of the afternoon,” Oikawa said, letting his fingers slowly tangle with Iwaizumi’s. “Besides… it’s good that we get used to each other as well. If… this is going to happen, then I have to learn how to take care of her without being scared all the time.”

“Indeed you do,” Iwaizumi sighed, looking at Oikawa’s eyes before smiling. “You did a good job today. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Oikawa mumbled, biting his lower lip and looking away before the light blush on his cheeks could be seen. “Anyway, it’s late, so I better get goi-”

“Stay over,” Iwaizumi said. Not quite a question and with more certainty than a suggestion, and Oikawa looked at him with widened eyes full of stars. _Damn._ “It’s late and the trains aren’t running anymore. Wasting money on a taxi is simply ridiculous when you can just stay over.”

“Are you sure?” he asked in a low tone, blush now visible on his cheeks and the fingers that were entwined with Iwaizumi’s squeezing harder. Iwaizumi chuckled quietly.

“You never had a problem with inviting yourself over and just occupy my bed before,” Iwaizumi pointed and Oikawa only blushed harder, looking away once more. “I don’t see what’s the issue now?”

“You teaser!” Oikawa whined, letting Iwaizumi pull him by his hand.

Iwaizumi led them to his room. It wasn’t the first time that Oikawa had been there, but it still felt odd and Iwaizumi could tell. There were a lot of simple concept things that were slightly changing in between them and Iwaizumi’s room not being the one in his parents’ house was one of them. It felt foreigner for Oikawa the same way it felt foreigner for Iwaizumi to hear people that were not Seijou’s alumni refer to Oikawa as Captain. Small changes, small adaptions.

Oikawa got a t-shirt to change into and a spare teeth brush, alongside a towel. It was quiet in between them while at Iwaizumi’s suite private bathroom and they didn’t say anything either when, back in the room, Iwaizumi simply changed his clothes in front of Oikawa. It felt like old times, like nothing at all had changed in between them, like they were still 17 and together and those 12 years apart had been just an odd and disturbing dream. Iwaizumi got under his bed covers and waited for Oikawa to shyly join him before turning off the lights.

And it was with the same familiarity that arms and legs tangled and torsos pressed firmly against each other and Oikawa’s face was buried in Iwaizumi’s neck. Iwaizumi sighed, content, as his right hand caressed Oikawa’s hair and he felt the warmness in his chest spread around slowly. It felt familiar, comfortable and, most of all, so damn right.

He kissed Oikawa’s temple, muttering a brief _goodnight_ before closing his eyes and, in no time, he was deeply asleep. Even the serenity and the cosiness of sleeping together hadn’t changed. And that too was familiar and mostly very welcomed.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“(Broke your heart) I'll put it back together” - How you get the girl, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
>  
> 
> Two more chapters and an epilogue, people! We're almost there :3  
> Review? 
> 
> Reach out to me: **@emcakira** or **emcakira.tumblr.com**


	14. Move the furniture so we could dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get a bit dirty in this chapter, so please remember the _Explicit_ marked somewhere above ;)
> 
> Also, there are a couple of tags in the summary regarding the sexual dynamic of these two, mind them! If you don’t and read the scene and go complain about something as silly as seme/uke, look how many flying fucks I give about that:
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> With that said, enjoy the chapter :3

**Chapter 14** **  
** _“Move the furniture so we could dance”_

 

 **2nd of April, 2016** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

Oikawa was pulled from a dreamless sleep state by what felt like someone ruffling his hair in the most delicate way possible followed by a warm giggle. He tried to ignore it, subconscious lulling him back to sleep, but another ruffling movement, another giggle, and a low _shh_ sound made him awake and fully conscious of his surroundings. He felt movement on the bed in front of him and heard a third giggle before deciding to push the sleep back and forced his eyes open.

He was greeted by a mass of voluminous and curly hair in front of him, laying down on the bed in between him and Iwaizumi - who had a hand caressing said mass of hair. Oikawa blinked and shook his head before his brain was actually able to process where he was, who he was with, and the situation at hand. There was a sudden pressure in his stomach as a fourth giggle sounded in the quiet room.

“But it’s so fluffy!” Michi whispered, her back turned to him and she spoke to her father. “How is it so fluffy, Ha-chan?”

“I don’t know, Pebble. It was always like that,” Iwaizumi murmured, his fingers tangling around in the voluminous mass of Michi’s hair.

“Always?!” she questioned, admired. Oikawa’s eyes following Iwaizumi’s fingers as they played with the dark curls.

“Yes, Oikawa has always had very fluffy hair,” Iwaizumi confirmed, keeping a quiet tone and Oikawa bit his lower lip with the flash memory of Iwaizumi’s hands running along his scalp for the first time, when they were not much older than Michi. “Shou-san also has very fluffy hair, so it might run in the family.”

“That’s not fair, Ha-chan!” Michi exclaimed and ruffled her father’s hair before whining. For a brief second Oikawa wished to be able to see her face as he was certain - oh so damn certain - that Iwaizumi’s typical pout was copied on the little girl’s features. “Your hair is not fluffy at all!”

“That doesn’t mean yours isn’t,” Iwaizumi said, chuckling and ruffling Michi’s hair before leaning forward to place a sweet kiss on top of her head. His eyes locked with Oikawa’s as he was returning back to his position and, without hesitation, he smiled fondly. Oikawa’s heart skipped a beat and oh, there were the butterflies flapping around in his stomach. “You have beautiful hair, Michi. And super fluffy too!”

“Do you think my hair is fluffy?” she asked and Oikawa saw the perfect lovingly look Iwaizumi had for his daughter, and he wanted nothing more but to shove his face into the pillow and scream, as it was all just too incredibly sweet.

“Of course!” Iwaizumi stated, like the idea of otherwise would be only offensive.

“Does the Captain think my hair is fluffy too?” she asked again and Oikawa blushed with the deep stare of Iwaizumi’s green eyes, piercing his soul with a fondness that he didn’t know existed in that man before a sly smile appeared on his lips.

“I’m sure he does,” Iwaizumi said, sweet and loving and Michi giggled while Oikawa gave up on trying to suppress his emotions and indeed hid his face on the pillow. He knew his ears were red and he was hiding nothing at all from Iwaizumi but… _damn._ “But you know what time it is now?”

“Time to shower!” she stated, louder than before, and giggled once more.

“Yes, time to shower,” Iwaizumi confirmed and Oikawa felt movement next to him on the bed again. “Go on or you won’t be ready when Kuroo arrives to pick you up.”

“Wash my hair?” she asked, and it was interesting how the big grin on her face was incredibly clear in her voice.

“I will. Now go get started,” Iwaizumi said and there was a sharp movement as she jumped out of the bed and loudly ran out of the room. Iwaizumi sighed, affectionately, and Oikawa still wanted to scream. “Kuroo is coming in half an hour to pick her up for the birthday party of one of Haruto’s friends,” he heard Iwaizumi say before a rough hand was on his hair and fingers caressed his scalp slowly. “Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you up for breakfast.”

And with that, Iwaizumi got out of the bed and left the room, leaving Oikawa alone with all the overwhelming feelings of how much - how goddamn bloody much! - he wanted to have that morning routine every day of his life.

Forever.

**\---**

There was a leg over his, a strong arm around his waist and a steady breathing against his neck when Oikawa woke up again. He had no idea how long he had dozed off for and, at that moment, that was certainly not something he wanted to worry about. Iwaizumi was warm against him, comfortable, stable, and Oikawa cursed at the butterflies which were again flapping around in his stomach. He bit his lip, uncertainty slipping into his mind, twisting the serenity of that perfect morning and making his heart race.

It felt too good to be true, in all honesty. Spending the day with Michi, having fun with her and his friends, taking her home, sleeping together with Iwaizumi, wake up to such a private and loving scene that he felt completely and wholeheartedly part of, and having Iwaizumi so defenceless, relaxed and comfortable sleeping against him was… what he had wished from the bottom of his heart and he couldn’t simply believe it was real.

Certainly there would be something wrong. Maybe it was just a dream and he would wake up to his empty and cold bed, or maybe it was just his twisted mind playing tricks on him, or even-

“I don’t know where your mind is going, but don’t go there.” It was an order, not a request or a question. It was a clear order stated against his neck by lips caressing his skin and Oikawa only then realised how much his chest was shaking with a rushed breathing and how chaotic his heart sounded. He swallowed dry, sudden heat crawling to his face when a delicate kiss was placed against his pulse. “It’s all good, Oikawa. You’re not dreaming.”

He wanted to curse. Or laugh like a maniac, he wasn’t really sure. Twelve bloody years and Iwaizumi was still reading him like an open children’s book. He bit his lip, eyes tightly closed, and when the second kiss on his neck came, he let go of a breath that had been stuck in his lungs for far too long. There was relief and there was a strange sense of serenity when hazel irises focused on the ceiling above him. His heart steadied, his breathing paced back to normal and a third kiss lingered on his skin.

“She wakes up around seven every day, so, during weekends, she likes to sneak in here,” Iwaizumi said, lazily, without withdrawing his face from its place against Oikawa’s neck. “Sometimes she cuddles and sleeps a bit more, other times she likes to talk or play around. We get up by nine, shower, have breakfast and normally go meet Kuroo and the kids.” Oikawa swallowed dry again. “Sometimes we just stay in and watch some tv. She likes the Saturday morning volleyball overview more than she likes cartoons! I blame Bokuto for that.”

“Iwa-chan…” he breathed, quietly, and felt the arm around his waist pulling him closer to the other man’s body.

“It’s our morning routine,” Iwaizumi muttered, placing his leg in between Oikawa’s. “And she clearly doesn’t mind sharing it with you, so…” Oikawa felt static under his skin, blood starting to rush as Iwaizumi’s voice brushed his neck so warmingly. “You should stay over more often.”

His legs moved slightly, right hand sliding against naked skin to hold Iwaizumi’s elbow firmly, and his head tilted to the side only enough to allow his lips to kiss a high cheekbone. The static on his skin sparked as warmth flooded his chest and his mind cleared from all stormy winds.

“Yeah,” he hummed, voice low and almost purring as the butterflies turned erratic in his stomach and another kiss was pressed against his neck. “I think I should.”

The kiss on his neck turned into a smile against his skin and, with a delicacy matching the soft touch around his waist, the next kiss was at the curve of his jaw. And then at his jawline. The side of his chin. And green irises met hazel ones, stardust and galaxies lost in the colours, before the last kiss was gently placed against his lips.

Tender and sweet and perfectly veiling all the need, the despair and the longing for one another. They parted only enough for Oikawa to sigh as Iwaizumi licked his lips before kissing him again. Languid and soft.

And Oikawa knew he could just lose himself to that taste, to that electric feeling of belonging, to that emotion-filled lust that was rushing like comets in his blood, making him grow warmer and warmer, wishing in silence for it to never end.

There was no rush or despair in their movements, as they entangled themselves and pressed hard bodies tightly together. There were passion and care in their mixed breathings, in the hearts beating in tandem, in the sparks of static crawling in their skin. There was intensity in their kisses, growing longer and more breathless, need in their fingers, leaving trails of red on their bodies, and want in their eyes, begging silently for more.

But most of all, it all felt new. Because as many times as Oikawa had touched Iwaizumi’s skin before, it had never been like that: peaceful and serene, with nothing more occupying their minds and hearts other than deep adoration, devotion, and affection.

He moaned when his back was pressed against the sheets and Iwaizumi straddled him, strong tights framing his hips, before taking his mouth in another heated kiss. Oikawa moaned, deep in his throat, and fisted Iwaizumi’s t-shirt, pulling him tighter, rocking their hips together and melting with the friction against his hardening cock. He gasped, loudly, as Iwaizumi bit his neck and met his rocking movement, agile fingers sneaking on the hem of Oikawa’s underwear, pushing it down.

Oikawa tugged on Iwaizumi’s t-shirt, only allowing the contact of Iwaizumi’s lips against his skin to be broken in favour of removing the piece of clothing, eliminating a layer in between them. Iwaizumi followed the gesture and pulled Oikawa’s t-shirt - that was actually his - over the captain’s head and leant in for a kiss before discarding it on the floor. Oikawa’s hands were on his partner’s torso as one of Iwaizumi’s ran through the soft locks of his lover’s hair and the other explored the deep lines contouring Oikawa’s abs, dipping at his navel, and feeling his hipbones.

They looked at each other again, green and hazel eyes shining in delight, and Oikawa turned his head softly to kiss the palm of Iwaizumi’s hand that was now cupping his jaw. A moan purred lightly in his throat as Iwaizumi’s other hand slipped under his boxers and fingers curled around his cock, stroking it slowly. Oikawa’s own hands had carved pink lines on Iwaizumi’s tanned back, before outlining the other’s frame and digging hard fingers on a firm ass.

“Fuck,” he groaned, rocking his hips against Iwaizumi’s hand. “I want you so much.”

“You better,” Iwaizumi said, taking another kiss, swiping his tongue through Oikawa’s lower lip. And Oikawa’s fingers’ dragged themselves over the fabric of Iwaizumi’s brief boxers, pulling it down, feeling the warm skin under his touch.

“Let me taste you,” Oikawa plead, moaning into the kiss, pushing Iwaizumi’s hips down against his own. “I haven’t tasted you in so long, Iwa-chan,” he gasped as the hand on his cock tightened and a thumb teased the aroused head. “I want you.”

“You do, hm?” the husky tone only made Oikawa’s toes curl, the mouth that was on his sliding to the side to nip at his earlobe, the hand on his cock squeezing one last time before roaming up his abs. “You want to have your pretty lips tightly around my cock?” Oikawa bit his lip strongly as Iwaizumi’s tongue licked the shell of his ear, forcing a shiver down his spine and directly into his throbbing erection. “You want to suck me hard and deep and make me cum in your throat?”

“Fuck, yes!” Oikawa moaned, hands removing Iwaizumi’s brief boxers from the curve of his ass, pushing the other’s hips down against his own again and getting a gasp in response as he rocked against Iwaizumi’s exposed cock. “You get me so hard when you talk like that.”

“Talk like what?” Iwaizumi teased, biting down on Oikawa’s neck as a hand pinched a hardened nipple and Oikawa’s moaned again, thrusting his hips up and getting another satisfying groan on his ear. “Like I want you to suck me off as badly as you want to do it?” Iwaizumi asked, straightening himself in order to look directly at Oikawa’s eyes. “Like I want your mouth to slide down my cock until the base and feel your throat close tightly around me and the vibration of your moans?”

“For fucks’ sake, Hajime,” Oikawa’s eyes were dark with lust and his voice dropped a few octaves, elbows pushing him up enough to steal a rough kiss. “Do whatever the fuck you want, just let me suck you. Now!”

“Demanding, are we?” Iwaizumi chuckled against his mouth, taking another kiss as his hands reached behind Oikawa, moving pillows around. “Slide up and lean against the pillows.”

“Very demanding and high maintenance,” Oikawa smirked, passing his tongue over Iwaizumi’s lips. He did as he was told and slid his body up, whining about the lack of skin contact, but leaning his back against the mountain of pillows that had suddenly materialised behind him. “Where did all of these came from?”

“Transfiguration,” Iwaizumi stated, pressing another kiss to Oikawa’s mouth before pushing his body to the side to open a bedside table drawer. “I told you not to skip Hogwarts summer school, you didn’t listen.”

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa laughed, arms lacing around Iwaizumi’s waist and pulling him down, demanding another kiss. Iwaizumi had to balance himself with a hand on the headboard, but didn’t complain. “The pillows are nice and comfy.”

Iwaizumi laughed along with Oikawa, low in his throat, closing their mouths together. Oikawa nipped at the other man’s lower lip as his hands pulled Iwaizumi’s brief boxers down to his tights, leaving them there as his fingers started to roam over tanned skin. Their mouths opened, tongues entwined and breathings mixed slowly and delicately, hearts beating in tandem. There was again static in Oikawa’s skin, clicking and sparkling, anticipating the ardour heating up his chest.

Oikawa’s hands drew abstract patterns over Iwaizumi’s tights, outlining the sharp form of the strong muscles, caressing the sensitive junction behind the knees, before marking his fingertips on Iwaizumi’s skin, pushing him forward, silently demanding closeness. Iwaizumi obliged, standing up on his knees, straddling Oikawa’s stomach, and leaning forward just enough for Oikawa’s tongue to dart out and lick the tip of his throbbing erection.

He moaned, hand firmly against the headboard, the other brushing Oikawa’s hair oh so softly, as his muscles contracted with the tender feeling of the wet tongue against his cock. There was a grin on Oikawa’s face as he kissed the side of the erection before parting his lips lazily, letting the darkened head slide inside his mouth. Oikawa’s stomach jumped with the low growl he got as reaction from his lover, and pressured his tongue to the underside, sucking gently.

“Fuck!” Iwaizumi breathed, fingers tangling into Oikawa’s hair. And Oikawa simply blinked, amused, before his hands pushed Iwaizumi’s hips in his direction, thick cock slithering inside his mouth. “Fuck! You feel so fucking good.”

Oikawa hummed, getting another low growl from his lover’s throat, the feeling of Iwaizumi’s muscles contracting under his palms so damn satisfying. He pulled away with the same torturing tempo, letting the hard cock slide out of his lips, kissing the tip, licking the thread of saliva and precum that remained on his lower lip. Hazel eyes turned up, staring at a flushed face and dilated pupils, and a smirk drew itself on his face.

“You taste better than before,” he purred, feeling Iwaizumi’s hand tightening in his hair, feral instinct roaring deep in his chest. Oikawa’s smirk only grew larger as his left hand dropped from Iwaizumi’s hips to reach for the forgotten lube on the bed - one that Iwaizumi had dropped when Oikawa’s pulled him from the bedside table. “Will you be cummin’ deep down my throat, Iwa-chan?”

“Goddamnit, Oikawa”, Iwaizumi hissed, looking down at his lover, absorbed, mesmerised, and aroused, cock twitching in between them.

And Oikawa chuckled, left hand finding the bottle of lube on the bed, as his head tilted back and, with his eyes piercing Iwaizumi’s, he opened his mouth wide, tongue sticking out fully, and tugged at Iwaizumi’s hips with his right hand. Iwaizumi cursed, loudly, biting his lip hard and hesitating. Oikawa had to tug at his hips again, before he groaned and complied, pushing his cock past a teasing tongue and open lips, slowly, sinking himself into a tight and wet hotness that was almost too much to handle.

“Fucking hell!” he cursed as Oikawa’s closed his lips around the erection and sucked, before letting go of Iwaizumi’s hips in order to squeeze some lube onto his palm.

Gripping harder on Oikawa’s hair, pulling at his scalp, Iwaizumi growled, and started to move. Gently, delicately, almost as if testing waters, small thrusts dragging moans from Oikawa’s throat with them. A continuous hip roll, each time further, each time faster, each time deeper. Iwaizumi gasped with the vibrations of Oikawa’s voice, and then gasped again with the feeling of cold fingers, coated with lube, parting his buttocks, caressing his entrance.

Iwaizumi’s hand on the headboard gripped harder, steadying himself as his other hand held Oikawa’s hair tightly, pinning him against the pillows, and his hips increased their pace. Oikawa’s mouth was hot and wet and so damn inviting that Iwaizumi couldn’t really stop himself - nor did he want to. So he cursed and moaned and groaned as he fucked Oikawa’s lascivious mouth while long fingers pressed past his entrance and spread him open.

Oikawa’s eyes kept focused on Iwaizumi’s face, his aroused expression, the way his lips parted to let out a gasp and how his teeth sank in an almost lewd way on them. He didn’t want to miss anything, he wanted to see, to memorise, to admire every line of Iwaizumi’s face, every movement of his aroused body, every sound dragged out of his throat by his libido. Because Iwaizumi was beautiful and hot - oh so damn hot that man was - and Oikawa was too lost in him. Lost in his smell, his taste, his feel. Lost in that body that he had forgotten how well he knew, in that soul he couldn’t stop wanting.

The muscles of Iwaizumi’s stomach contracted with the same tempo as the ones in his buttocks and tights and Oikawa knew how close he was. So he took a deep breath when Iwaizumi pushed back in one of his thrusts and, making sure his coordination was as sharp as ever, Oikawa moved the angle of his fingers to press directly into Iwaizumi’s prostate while opening his throat to a deeper thrust than before, his hands and arms pushing Iwaizumi’s hips strongly against his mouth.

“Oik- FUCK!” Iwaizumi panted, cumming hard and suddenly, head pending back as he rode his orgasm.

Iwaizumi’s muscles were still trembling when Oikawa moved back, letting his lover’s cock out of his mouth with a grin and proceeded to clean the corner of his lips with his free hand - the other still inside Iwaizumi, resuming the job it had been doing before. Iwaizumi was still trying to find his breathing when Oikawa straightened himself and tilted his head up to lick a hard nipple, nibbling it. Iwaizumi moaned slowly, the hand on Oikawa’s hair untangling itself from the brown locks and caressing the other’s face.

“You learnt a few things,” Iwaizumi commented when he was able to find his voice and Oikawa laughed before his mouth was covered by Iwaizumi’s in a languid and mellow kiss.

“I knew you would like it,” Oikawa purred in between kisses, pushing a third finger inside Iwaizumi while his free hand caressed the over-sensitive cock. Iwaizumi bent forward and groaned in pleasure as Oikawa thrust his fingers in a painfully slow pace. Oikawa’s eyes shined with expectation and want and need. “You’re so bloody amazing, Hajime. I want you so much!”

“You just literally took my strength along with all my rational capability away and I’m amazing?” Iwaizumi chuckled, allowing both hands to get lost into Oikawa’s hair again before he pulled his lover up for a rough and demanding kiss. “My turn then,” he murmured against Oikawa’s lips pushing a hand against Oikawa’s chest, forcing him back against the pillows and his other hand reached behind him to remove Oikawa’s fingers. “Do you have any idea how fucking long I’ve been wanting your cock buried deep inside me?”

Oikawa chuckled, a hoarse and satisfied _yes_ escaping his mouth along his tongue, which licked rose lips in a promiscuous way that always drove Iwaizumi crazy. He reached for the bottle of lube and popped it open, pouring a decent amount over his throbbing erection. “Ride me,” he demanded in a low purr and barely had time to register the smirk on his lover’s face before Iwaizumi was guiding himself down Oikawa’s hard cock. Slow and delightfully, and so damn tight Oikawa had to bit his tongue in order not to cum.

“Oh fuck!” Iwaizumi gasped, throwing his head back and moaning loud and openly. “Your cock feels so good.”

Oikawa cursed, gripping Iwaizumi’s hips hard as a strong hand spread long fingers over his stomach and they both panted. Iwaizumi leant back, his other hand clenching above Oikawa’s right knee, using that point for balance as he, terribly slowly, started to rock his hips.

And Oikawa moaned loudly with the tightness and the warmness around him, tilting his head back against the pillows. Iwaizumi’s rocking motion was tortuously controlled and almost gentle, almost driving Oikawa crazy, making him whine for more as Iwaizumi’s cock hardened gradually with each new thrust.

“Don’t tease, Hajime,” Oikawa complained, fingers leaving darkened marks on the other’s skin, the lava pooling in his stomach, threatening to flare.

“But you like teasing,” Iwaizumi smirked, licking his lips, speeding his movement for a couple of thrusts before returning to the lazy pace. Oikawa groaned. “You like when I ride you like this. You love to complain about it, but you get so hot to see my hard cock bouncing against my stomach with every thrust,” his smirk only grew larger before the sudden darkness of Oikawa’s eyes, the hold on his hips tightening. “And you also love when I test your limits like this.”

“Hajime,” Oikawa hissed, hands trying to push bruised hips to move faster. Iwaizumi chuckled, pushing his weight forward, on his knees, hands framing Oikawa’s face. “Hajime, fuck-”

“Because you know how much I enjoy watching you control yourself like this,” Iwaizumi purred, lips brushing Oikawa’s without allowing him the contact. “So calm and steady and pretending that this slow pace is not making you go insane,” he breathed, moaning with a specially deep thrust, that had Oikawa closing his eyes tightly to remain in control. “Fuck, you’re so good!” blunt nails digging into his skin, above dark bruises as a low growl formed within Oikawa’s throat. And Iwaizumi knew Oikawa’s blood was seething deeply in his veins. “Come on, Tooru. Just fuck me like you mean it.”

Oikawa straightened himself in a jumped movement, arm lacing behind Iwaizumi’s back when his balance was thrown off, dilated pupils of hazel irises staring into aroused green ones.

“Say that again,” Oikawa demanded, panting, mouth opened over Iwaizumi’s. And strong arms rounded his neck, sly expression painting over want and need on Iwaizumi’s face. “Say it!”

“Hum…” he moaned, tongue caressing Oikawa’s upper lip. “Fuck. Me. Hard.”

The loud growl that followed was accompanied by fast and wild movements, rotating bodies and cursing words. Iwaizumi’s face was pushed roughly against the sheets by a strong hand, his chest was forced down as his hips were pulled up and knees parted harshly. And he was about to curse and to complain when Oikawa’s body moulded perfectly against his back and, in a sharp flow, he was being fucked hard.

“Oh fuck! Yes!” Iwaizumi moaned, a hand reaching back to grab Oikawa’s thigh as the other tangled into his lover’s hair. “Fuck! Like that! Fuck, Tooru, you fuck me so good!”

Oikawa’s thrusts were hard and deep, skin slapping echoing in chorus with moans and pants. He nibbled at Iwaizumi’s jaw, licking the defined neck before biting down at the junction with the shoulder, getting a guttural groan with it and another tug on his hair. He muttered words of need and want in between his lover’s vocal demands of more, and he pinning both of Iwaizumi’s wrists on the bed when the other man tried to jerk his neglected cock off.

“No,” he groaned in Iwaizumi’s ear, changing slightly the angle of his thrusts. “You’re not touching yourself.”

“Then fuck me harder,” Iwaizumi ordered, pushing his hips back, and clenching fists in the sheet underneath them. And Oikawa complied.

There was fire blazing in their skins and lava drifting in their blood as Oikawa changed their pace and Iwaizumi’s voice choked on a moan when his orgasm hit him. Hard. Deep. Colossal. He came, blaze flaring through his body, burning his senses, and whipping his mind. The white bliss of climax spread like fire, leaving only the low purr of his name as Oikawa fell into the abyss and came as well.

Oikawa panted in his ear, kissed his neck and sneaked his arms around his torso, hugging him tightly. Iwaizumi could feel Oikawa’s limbs trembling before he was even aware of him being in the same state. He breathed deeply, as if trying to calm his hammering heart, his satisfied soul making his chest warm and his stomach overflowing with butterflies. He delicately turned his right hand up, palm meeting Oikawa’s as their fingers entwined, tired bodies laying atop of each other, fitting perfectly together.

“You really know how to make me lose my mind,” Iwaizumi’s voice was hoarse and low and Oikawa chuckled, nuzzling his lover’s nape.

“It’s a peculiar and arduous art to be able to get that dirty and lewd side of you to show up,” he purred, kissing Iwaizumi’s jaw junction languidly. “You get me so fucking crazy with it.”

“And you’re always the master of that peculiar and arduous art,” Iwaizumi chuckled, feeling Oikawa sliding off him without untangling their bodies, naked skins pressed tightly together, hazel and green starry eyes gazing soulfully at each other. “I missed you so much.”

“I’m glad I- I’m glad I can be here with you again,” Oikawa muttered, his free hand brushing Iwaizumi’s cheek. And the smile he got as an answer was pure and real and breathtaking.

And, most of all, it was home.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“Move the furniture so we could dance” - Out of the woods, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> One more to go, yay!
> 
> Leave me a review or reach out to me **@emcakira** or **emcakira.tumblr.com** :3


	15. Dancing in a snow globe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note for next scene: Iwachan doesn't use honorific suffixes (like -chan, -san, -kun) when speaking in English.
> 
>  
> 
> Have I mentioned that I’m a crazy kanji nerd? :3

**Chapter 15** **  
** _“Dancing in a snow globe”_

 

 **11th of May, 2016** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

Iwaizumi cursed when the incessant buzz of his phone woke him up in the middle of the night. He looked at the time and a wave of apprehension washed over him, making him turn abruptly to grab the noisy device on his bedside table. And then, when he read the name on display, all his worry vanished as sudden warmness spread in his chest, forcing a smile on his lips.

“It’s five in the bloody morning!” he answered the call, pressing the phone to his ear and rising to a sitting position. The bed was empty at his side. “Your assistant sucks at time zones!”

There was a giggle on the other side of the line. With the same high pitch and the same sparkles and the same easiness that he remembered so well and his smile turned into a caring and nostalgic one.

 _“Give him a break, he just woke up. We’re jet-lagged!”_ And there was joy and brightness in that voice and Iwaizumi sighed to the realisation that some things would never change and how terribly glad he was for that. _“Besides, I bet you took the day off and have to get up early to prepare a certain birthday party, no?”_

“Should I be impressed that you forget about everyone else’s birthdays, but not hers?” Iwaizumi asked, calmly, closing his eyes to enjoy the sound of the second giggle that came from the other side of the line. It was almost revigorating. “Mine is in a month and I won’t hear from you for at least two weeks after that! Like every year!”

 _“In my defence, it’s hard to forget the day that I was dying in pain, screaming my soul out while being ripped apart, and you were just trying not to faint instead of helping me!”_ Iwaizumi snorted.

“That’s so not what happened!” he declared, trying to hide the clear amusement in his voice. “You had a C-section and full anaesthesia, you felt nothing! Stop twisting the facts, Devi!”

She laughed. Loud and open and warm, as if she was sitting across from him, hands on his crossed legs, head tilted forward, the dark, long, and curly hair waving around with each ripple of her laugh. Just like had happened so many times before, and Iwaizumi allowed a traitorous smile to spread wide as well. He missed that laugh and the comfort of how easy it was between them, the simple and gentle way their friendship had always been.

 _“How is she?”_ Devi asked, taking a deep breath and allowing the warmness in her voice to spread further in Iwaizumi’s chest.

“Asleep,” he said, considering if he should continue and decided that yes, he definitely should. “With Oikawa.”

 _“Oh!”_ came the surprised exclamation, so filled with positive energy what Iwaizumi’s heart almost exploded with relief. _“Did you lose your boyfriend to your own daughter?”_

“You know what? I think I did!” Iwaizumi said, chuckling, happy, so damn happy that talking with this woman felt so natural and easy. “She wanted him to read her a bedtime story and, an hour later, I found them both deeply asleep.”

 _“So domestic, Hajime! Look at you!”_ Devi teased, humming serenely and getting a snort as the reply. _“I take things are going well with Oikawa then? Your last message left me wondering if you two would manage.”_

“Yeah, we’re… we’re good,” he muttered, scratching his neck. “He has been trying really hard. Cancelled most of his modelling works and is not giving interviews to talk about how his perfect wife would be anymore. The paparazzi also calmed down, so all the problems that his professional life could bring are under control.” Iwaizumi sighed, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. “And he’s being amazing with Michi. Taking care of her, making sure she’s happy, taking her to his National Team practices so she can be with the guys. He’s… really good with her.”

 _“And I’m sure she loves him dearly,”_ Devi said, tenderly, and Iwaizumi nodded, knowing it was not even a question at all. _“I’m so glad it’s working out for you two, Hajime. I was really worried when you said he was suddenly back in your life, last November,”_ her voice lowered in tone for a moment, _“you were… so broken when we met, I… I don’t want to see you like that ever again!”_

“I know, Devi, and thank you!” he breathed, falling back to his mattress and turning to the side, staring at the empty spot next to him. “There was a lot of talking and a lot of understanding happening in the last months and… Oikawa is an idiot! A big, and stupid idiot, but I don’t question his feelings and his intentions. I honestly think we’re good now,” he smiled, closing his eyes to enjoy the humming sound from the other side of the line. “I mean… he’s in the room next door literally sleeping with my daughter hugging him! I would never allow this to happen if I wasn’t certain.”

 _“I worry, Hajime, you know that’s what I do,”_ Devi pointed, relief clearly crawling into her voice. _“You were shattered and so full of pain when we met, that you were barely human. And even if he hadn’t done that consciously, even if he never meant to hurt you, he was still the cause of it all!”_ she declared, making Iwaizumi curse mentally and bit the knuckles of his free hand. _“So, forgive me for asking questions and for pressing matters, but I love you and I care for you so much that I have to be certain.”_

“There’s nothing to forgive. You worry about me, I know that. And thank you, again, for it. For all of it,” he said, and his soul just really wanted to hug her on that moment. “Oikawa is good. I’m good. Most of all, we’re good! Trust me on this.”

 _“I do,”_ the smile in her voice was crystal clear before the teasing tone sounded as lively as ever. _“I just have to assure your emotional stability since, you know, you’re raising the heir to my empire and all!”_

Iwaizumi laughed, hard, before covering his mouth with his free hand to muffled the sound.

“The heir to your empire is turning five today,” he said, proud. “You should come to Japan, come see her. She’s beautiful and so grown up, Devi, you have no idea! And she’s so smart! She already started primary school in April.”

 _“I’ll go after the summer,”_ she promised. _“Give her a kiss for me, will you? And take good care of yourself! Don’t make me go get in trouble with the yakuza so I can check on you permanently again!”_

“Goddammit, woman!” Iwaizumi laughed once more. “I miss you terribly!”

 _“I miss you too, darlin’!”_ Devi exclaimed, forcing again the appearance of his usual smile.

**\---**

**27th of May, 2016** **  
** **La Tour Aobadai (Iwaizumi’s apartment)**

“Completely unacceptable!” Oikawa whined, crossing his arms and leaning against the kitchen counter while Iwaizumi hummed, paying more attention to the act of making dinner than to the upset man behind him. “They are bad, ugly, and the material is cheap and itchy!”

“They’re just jerseys, you know?” Iwaizumi pointed, hiding the smile that spread on his face with Oikawa’s indignant gasp. “The ones we had at Aoba Jousai have the same fabric and the same texture.”

“And they itch, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa pouted, making Iwaizumi bite the inside of his cheek in order to prevent a chuckle. “You will throw them all away! They are no good!”

“I’m not throwing Michi’s jersey collection away because you’re sensitive and say they itch!” Iwaizumi declared, turning around to face the other man while cleaning his hands on a kitchen cloth. “She doesn’t complain about them and it’s _her_ collection. Of _your_ jerseys, actually!”

“But she can have mine!” Oikawa stated, waving his hand. “All the jerseys she has now are copies of mine. And a couple of Ushiwaka’s. So I can just get her the originals instead.”

“Oikawa Tooru’s jersey collection since his University debut until current times?” Iwaizumi asked, incredulous expression crossing his face as he leant back on the counter, opposite to Oikawa. “Do you even realise how much that is worth? And you’re offering it to a five-year-old?”

“Well, it’s Michi!” Oikawa exclaimed like it would all make sense with only that. “Who else would I give my jerseys to?”

“Ok, let’s do it like this,” Iwaizumi said, stepping forward and entering into Oikawa’s personal space, hands holding the counter behind the taller man as their bodies were pressed together. “When we go to Miyage on Sunday to pick her up at my parents, you ask her about the jerseys, yes?”

“She’s not going to say no,” Oikawa purred, a confident smile spreading on his lips as his hands rested over Iwaizumi’s hips. “And since we’ll be in Miyage, I can even give her the Aoba Jousai one too.”

“Are you going to sign all the jerseys as well?” Iwaizumi teased, kissing Oikawa’s neck languidly. “And give her your World Champion medal too?”

“If she wants to, of course!” Oikawa declared, pulling Iwaizumi closer to him and sighing at the comfortable warmness of the other’s body. Oikawa frowned when Iwaizumi chuckled and he pulled his head back enough to look at his lover’s eyes without breaking contact. “What?”

“Michi has you completely wrapped around her finger, hasn’t she?” Iwaizumi asked carefully, without being able to avoid the spark of joy from being visible in his eyes. Oikawa blushed. “She doesn’t even have to say she wants something, you’re already giving it to her.”

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa pouted, blushing harder and looking away. His hold on Iwaizumi’s hips tightened.

“Your World Champion medal,” Iwaizumi repeated, tilting his head to the side to catch Oikawa’s eyes. “You fought your entire life for it. Everything you did, all your choices, all your sacrifices, your entire life was for that title! And you would give your medal to her?”

“If you had that medal too,” he murmured, hesitating before turning his face to hold his lover’s look, the pink over his cheeks spreading to his ears. “Wouldn’t you give it to her as well?”

Iwaizumi chuckled again, a very old and faint dream of winning Worlds with Oikawa flashing suddenly before his eyes. “Certainly, I would.”

“Then… why should I be any different?” he asked, cautious and unsure and his heart swollen with the bright smile he got for an answer. Iwaizumi kissed him, softly and slowly, the corners of his mouth never coming down. Oikawa hummed into the kiss, nibbling Iwaizumi lower lip, content with the response he got from his lover.

“Completely wrapped around the finger of a five-year-old,” Iwaizumi muttered, closing his mouth over Oikawa’s to silence the complaint that was coming. “And since I do pretty much anything you want, that means we’re both wrapped around her finger.”

“She’s clever, you gotta give her that!” Oikawa chuckled, trailing kisses over Iwaizumi’s jaw line.

“You’re laughing now, but when Michi pulls these kinds of things when she’s a teenager and when boys are involved, I wanna see you laughing then!” Iwaizumi hissed and Oikawa laughed louder, resting his face on Iwaizumi’s neck. “I swear I’m gonna go crazy the moment she hits puberty!”

“It cannot be t-that bad, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa hiccuped, strong arms hugging Iwaizumi tightly. “Besides, you’re a detective. I’m sure you can get a special forces team to protect her every time she’ll go on a date.”

“You better be ready to stop me from doing that or I’ll be arrested for illegal use of state resources!” Iwaizumi cursed, leaning his chin on Oikawa’s shoulder. “Though, knowing you, you’ll probably ignore the subject until it’s happening and then, you’ll freak out and do something stupid!”

“I would not!” Oikawa whined and Iwaizumi snorted.

“You so would! That is your pattern for dealing with stuff you don’t want to deal with, you know?” Iwaizumi growled, hands letting go of the counter to roam over Oikawa’s lower back, before noticing he was suddenly and weirdly quiet. “What?”

“Nothing,” came the hesitant reply and Iwaizumi sighed, kissing the juncture between Oikawa’s shoulder and neck.

“Tell me,” he insisted and Oikawa grumbled something imperceptible, shaking his head. “Tooru…”

“It’s just that… Michi being a teenager and all that is in eight years, you know?” he said, voice muffled by Iwaizumi’s neck. “And… eight years is… a long time.”

“Are you planning on leaving and not being around by then?” Iwaizumi asked, directly, sharply, and Oikawa eyes were widened and scared when he pulled back in a harsh movement to stare at deep green irises.

“That’s not-” Oikawa started, but stopped himself and bit his lower lip. “I’m not going anywhere…”

“Then?” Iwaizumi pressed, hands sliding to Oikawa’s hips, like an unconscious need to steady them. Oikawa shook his head, looking away. “Tooru…”

“It’s nothing, really, I’m just…” he hesitated, hands twisting in the clear fabric of Iwaizumi’s t-shirt. “I’m being silly, it’s ok.”

Iwaizumi leant in, nuzzling Oikawa’s ear and the side of this face, letting a soft kiss linger on the high cheek. He breathed, closing his eyes for a moment, letting Oikawa’s heartbeat lead the pace of his own.

“Your doubts and insecurities are not silly,” he said, calmly, pressing his forehead against Oikawa’s temple. “When I said I wanted you, I meant all of you. Doubts and insecurities included so… tell me what’s wrong.”

Oikawa turned his head, nuzzling Iwaizumi’s nose before leaning his forehead on his lover’s. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes before Iwaizumi’s hands caressed the lateral of his torso, his shoulders, collarbones, and neck, cupping his face in between strong fingers.

“It’s… I… I don’t…” he murmured, fragmented voice barely audible. “You moved on once…” his eyes stung by unshed tears and his mouth felt so terribly dry. “And… if something happens and if… I can’t lose you again! And- and we have Michi now too, and I know she’s- I just- I can’t-”

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi interrupted Oikawa’s rant, caressing his face with his thumbs and moving only enough to place a gentle kiss on a cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know you are not! Just…” Oikawa’s voice died down and he cursed soundlessly before he could speak again. “You were able to move on and I- I didn’t. And I know it’s all my fault and I was the one being stupid, but I can’t shake the fe-”

“Stop! Tooru, seriously, stop!” Iwaizumi demanded, pulling them apart once again to stare directly into hazel eyes. He sighed, giving Oikawa time to breathe and steady his mind. “There’s something I want to show you. Come with me.”

His hands dropped from Oikawa’s face and he straightened himself enough to held one of Oikawa’s wrists between his fingers and pulled the other man to follow him as he exited the kitchen. Oikawa was mumbling incoherencies as they made their way through the large apartment, into a small reading studio and home office.

“I was wondering how to show you this. I hadn’t figure a way to do it yet, but,” Iwaizumi said, stopping in the middle of the studio and looking Oikawa in the eye for a second before turning to a desk and opening one of the drawers. “I guess this is it.”

“You’re making me nervous,” Oikawa muttered, crossing his arms defensively, while watching Iwaizumi looking for something in the drawer.

“Don’t be. Your sister knows about it,” Iwaizumi pointed, trying his hardest to sound casual and relaxed, preventing Oikawa to notice how horribly hard his hands were shaking. “Well, she was always able to read me like an open book and she did graduate in Japanese Literature, so I guess it’s understandable that she figured it out.” He turned around, the piece of paper he was looking for in his hand. He lowered his eyes to it and cursed the heavy pressure in his stomach, chanting a mental mantra, convincing himself that exposing his all to Oikawa was perfectly fine, that it was how it was meant to be. And he extended his arm, giving the paper to Oikawa. “Read it.”

“Hajime, what…?” Oikawa started, confused as his fingers took the old paper from his lover. “Family registration?”

“Read it,” Iwaizumi repeated, unable of keeping the tremor from his voice. He leant his body against the desk, knuckles turning white by the force with which he was grabbing the dark wood of the desk behind him. Green eyes open and attentive, watching and studying every movement, every expression, every detail of Oikawa’s face as the man looked at the paper in his hands and started to read.

Oikawa looked baffled, eyes reading the form starting from the right side, not really paying attention to the official writings. He blinked, hazel irises fixated on one specific point, allowing his brain the two seconds it took him to assimilate the information impressed on paper. And then it happened. His eyes widened drastically, his mouth parted and his lips twisted with silent incoherencies, hands shaking violently and he had to reach and grab the chair next to him, or he would have fallen.

“When the nurse put her in my arms, still covered in blood and screaming loudly… I couldn’t stop crying,” Iwaizumi said, in a murmur, heart hammering against his ribcage, cutting the flow of his breathing, letting the creeping cold in his stomach affect his voice. “I was completely lost. Her mother was not going to stay, my mother was being difficult, I had the yakuza grabbing my feet, I could barely take care of myself in a decent and healthy way and… that was my daughter. In my arms. My daughter, my baby girl, my life, my everything!” Oikawa’s eyes were on his, full of tears ready to fall, and Iwaizumi could feel the burning pinch behind his eyelids as well. He smiled, which made Oikawa take a hesitant step forward. “I was… so overwhelmed with emotion and so mesmerised by her that the only thing I could think of was… how much I wanted you there with me.”

“Hajime…” Oikawa’s free hand grabbed the fabric of Iwaizumi’s t-shirt, entering his personal space, tears rolling down his face that Iwaizumi didn’t hesitate to catch with his thumbs, cupping Oikawa’s face in his hands for the second time in that night.

“It was a rollercoaster!” Iwaizumi snorted, chuckling, biting his lower lip, unpaced breathing and unsettled heart. “I was lost and hypnotized and exploding with joy while overwhelmed with despair, and the only concrete thought was how much I wanted you there, how much you needed to see her, how much you needed to be part of all that was happening and-” he gasped, chuckling nervously once again, holding the deep stare of Oikawa’s astonished eyes. “I needed you to be part of it. Even if I would never see you again, even if you would have never come back to me, even if you hated me, I just… needed a part of you there.”

“Hajime!” Oikawa gasped, bumping their noses to press their foreheads together, losing the paper on top of the desk in order to held Iwaizumi’s face, blunt nails scratching the side of his lover’s head, and more tears blurring his vision.

“I always thought your name was beautiful,” Iwaizumi confessed in a whisper, closing his eyes, feeling the pull from the hand on his t-shirt, needing him closer, desperate for him, overwhelmed with emotion. “Shou-san sat with me one day when we were in junior high, and she went over the meaning and the readings of the kanji of our names and- goddammit! Your name is beautiful!”

“You gave her my name!*” Oikawa cried, too far gone with emotion, sobbing and cursing and pulling Iwaizumi as close as possible. “You gave your daughter my name!”

“I did!” Iwaizumi breathed, opening his eyes, fingers tangling into Oikawa’s hair, laughter tingling deep in his throat as a wide smile spread over his lips and tears rolled down his face. “And I never regretted it.” Their bodies were tightly pressed together, chaotic hearts and unpaced breathings. “I moved on with my life because I had to. But I never got over you.”

“Hajime!”

“We’re not going anywhere, Tooru,” Iwaizumi vowed, and Oikawa nodded, silently begging, or pleading, or simply praying, he was not certain anymore. “We’re not going anywhere.”

Their souls twisted in a transient turmoil that would bloom into a state of foreign joy to both of them. But Iwaizumi’s smile remained in place, certain, steady and oh so reassuring, and Oikawa finally understood the meaning of happiness.

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * _“You gave her my name!”_ \- The kanji of Tooru (徹) can be used as a given name that reads: Tetsu, Akira, Osamu, Itaru, **Tooru or Michi** , in between others. _“You gave her my name”_ means that, although the reading is different, both Oikawa and Michi share the same kanji for their given names:
> 
> 及川.徹 (Oikawa Tooru)  
> 岩泉.徹 (Iwaizumi Michi)  
> 岩泉.一 (Iwaizumi Hajime)
> 
> I told you I’m a crazy kanji/name nerd :9
> 
>  
> 
> _“Dancing in a snow globe” - You’re in love, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **And this is all, my darlings!!**
> 
>  
> 
> The epilogue will be coming up soon, but it’s just a spare scene I had in my mind since I started to plot this, so I kinda had to write it ^^
> 
> I also have a ridiculous amount of headcanons for this fic and I can share a few with you if you’d like. Let me know if this would be interesting for you and I’ll add them after the epilogue :3
> 
> Or, you can always just go ask me directly at **@emcakira** or **emcakira.tumblr.com**!
> 
> See you at the epilogue :D
> 
> Akira


	16. Epilogue: We found wonderland

**Epilogue** **  
** _ “We found wonderland” _

 

**24th of July, 2027** **  
****Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium** **  
** **FIVB Volleyball Women’s Junior World Championship Finals**

 

_ [It’s match point for Japan and it’s Iwaizumi serving!] _

The gymnasium was overflooded with loud cheers, enthusiastic claques making their last efforts to push exhausted players to their extremes, desperate supporters shouting of encouragement and victory, the intense smell of strong will power and the burning need to win filled the air. The game had been going for too long, both teams certainly deserved their place in the finals and none wanted to leave without the gold medal around their necks. Iwaizumi smiled as he leant back on his plastic chair, in the bleachers, and watched the rage, the fury, the will, and the insane passion pass through the eyes of the young women with the Japan uniform, in the court in front of him.

_ “You said she was sixteen?” _ he heard a man ask, somewhere to his left, as surprise and doubt pained his voice.  _ “Are you sure about it?” _

_ “Absolutely sure,” _ a female voice replied, gentle and amused tone.

In court, Japan team had gathered during the last technical tempo for the other team and their coach was giving what Iwaizumi believed to be a desperate and encouraging motivational speech. The young women were nodding, paying full attention to the words of their coach, while trying to steady their breaths and regain the last of their forces for what could - should! - be the final rally of the game.

“Their setter is not good,” a whine came from his right and Iwaizumi snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. It was the eighth time he heard that same damn sentence since the beginning of the game. “They should have changed that girl in the first game, their reserve setter is a much better player!”

“Not everyone can be you, you know?” Iwaizumi grunted, getting a desperate - and overly dramatic - gasp in return, as Oikawa turned to glare at him.

“She doesn’t have to be me, she just has to do a decent job as a setter, and she do-”

“The setter is a twenty-year-old girl, Oikawa, of course she can’t do what you do!” Ushijima cut in, sitting on Oikawa’s right side and nudging him with an elbow. “No one can do what you do and Michi cannot play with us forever! Let her enjoy her own team.”

“Own team!” Shion, the two-year-old baby girl that was happily shaking a red cheerleading pom-pom while sitting on Ushijima’s left leg, repeated. Ushijima bounced his leg a couple of times, smiling with the loud giggles, before kissing his daughter’s silky black hair.

“Thank you, Ushijima!” Iwaizumi stated, glaring at Oikawa, who was pouting and staring at the main setter of Japan’s team.

“I’m just saying their reserve is better,” Oikawa grimaced, sinking back onto his chair. “Actually, their wing spiker is a much better setter than all of the others, but she doesn’t want to change positions.”

_ “But if she’s sixteen, shouldn’t she be on the under-eighteen team instead?” _ Iwaizumi heard the man asking again, followed by a chuckled in the same feminine voice as before.

_ “She should, indeed,” _ the woman said, simply.  _ “But it’s not like anyone was expecting anything less from her. Rumour has it she will be playing with the senior national team next season.” _

“Oh my god, Oikawa! Did you whine about that thing to Mi-chan again?” Nishinoya demanded, turning around in his seat to glare at his captain. “Let her be a wing spiker! In case you didn’t notice, she’s killing it!”

“I didn’t say anything!” Oikawa exclaimed, looking terribly offended and flatting a hand on his chest.

“The entire team knows you prefer Michi to play as a setter, Oikawa-san,” Kageyama said, turning around on his seat as well, enough to look at his captain but without disturbing Suisen, the five-year-old girl who was an older version of the baby on Ushijima’s leg, that was enthusiastically shaking a black pom-pom while sitting on his lap.

“I didn’t say anything!” Oikawa repeated, crying out in frustration and pouting once again. Ushijima’s baby girl laughed at the sound and threw the red pom-pom at Oikawa’s face. Oikawa frowned and stared at the baby girl. “You don’t believe me either, Shion-chan?”

“No one really believes you, to be honest,” Kuroo leant forward from the row behind them and smirked. “Bokuto would fiercely argue with you and tell you how a splendid wing spiker Michi is, but he’s too busy making sure Haruto knows how to lead the claque to be paying attention.”

“Shouldn’t Katsurou be the one leading the claque?” Iwaizumi asked, noticing the overly enthusiastic Bokuto waving his hands next to a taller teenager with Kuroo’s signature hairstyle. Kuroo’s oldest son, Katsurou, was nowhere to be seen.

“Lazy Katsu-chan leading a claque?” Yukie chuckled, sitting next to her husband. “Have you been drinking?”

“I don’t know what you’re implying, Kuroo! Michi is the best wing spiker there is!” Oikawa growled, turning to glare back at the smirking man. “Is any of you even questioning that?! She’s the most valuable player of this whole championship and I’m gonna murder whoever dares to say she’s not!”

“No one is saying she isn’t, Tooru!” Shou pointed, next to Yukie, hand leaning on her brother’s shoulder, squeezing softly. At her side, Takeru and Tsuzuki snorted and laughed before Oikawa’s annoyed expression, getting a sharp  _ shh _ coming from Iwaizumi’s parents. Oikawa’s parents only nodded before resuming their conversation.

_ “Excuse me but what do you mean by no one was expecting anything less from her?” _ Iwaizumi heard the man question, curiosity and confusion clear in his voice as the technical break was over and the teams returned to their positions.

_ “Oh, you don’t know?” _ the woman inquired, sounding more amused than surprised, and Iwaizumi knew exactly what she was going to say even before she continued her sentence.  _ “Iwaizumi Michi is volleyball royalty.” _

“Hajime, so this is supposed to be the last point?” A hand tugged on Iwaizumi’s left sleeve, the heavy Scottish accent getting muffled by the shouts of the crowd, as Devi turned to look at him, confused. “She just has to hit that ball to the other side and she wins, right?”

“Pretty much,” Oikawa was the one answering, attentive eyes never leaving Michi’s figure as she grabbed the volleyball and pressed it against her forehead, preparing to serve. “The other team is getting used to her jump serves, so chances of them being able to receive are decent, but it will be a flawed receive, so they will not be able to attack.”

“What he’s saying is that Michi’s team has good chances of scoring and winning,” Iwaizumi said, smiling before the concentrated ‘ _ got it’ _ Devi mumbled in reply, turning her focus to the court in front of them.

“She’s serving!” Nishinoya declared and all conversations ceased to focus on the teenage girl that was throwing the ball in the air.

It felt like the entire gym had breathed out at the same time, holding their breaths before a canon-like serve that echoed in the walls and was barely received by the other team’s libero. Oikawa’s hand was on Iwaizumi’s, tangled fingers clenching hard, making their knuckles white. Arms and shoulders fully pressed together, steading one another, holding one another, making sure both had enough strength to stand another rally of heart-shattering nerves.

_ “Volleyball Royalty?” _ the man repeated, lost between the game and his curiosity.  _ “I don’t know what you mean.” _

The ball was messily passed to Japan’s side, their captain received, strong and secure, passed to the setter, three of the players started to move at a minus tempo.

“Pass it to Michi, she’s your best option!” Oikawa growled as the setter looked around quickly to decide her move.

“There’s a three women wall preparing to form in front of Michi’s!” Kageyama stated, struggling to keep the black pom-pom out of his face without making Ushijima’s daughter cry.

“No!” Kuroo yelled, jumping on his seat. “It’s a three women wall in front of Michi’s  _ right arm _ !”

“Left!” Oikawa and Ushijima shouted at the same time, both standing up violently - Ushijima’s holding Shion high against his shoulder.

“Left!” the baby girl giggled, throwing her hands in the air, losing the red pom-pom at the same time a wave of overly anxious voices started to echo.

Iwaizumi also stood up sharply, hand firmly tangled with his husband’s, Oikawa’s ring pressing hard on his skin, as they both yelled and cheered and shouted. There was a hand pulling the collar of his shirt while his own free hand gripped tightly over Oikawa’s right shoulder, their faces close, part of their chests pressed together, fully focused on the game as their hearts started to rush, beating in tandem.

Everyone was up on the moment the ball left the setter’s hands. Devi was shouting loudly, leaning against Kageyama’s shoulders, who was doing his best to pay attention to the game without dropping the little girl on his arms, who was shouting with the same enthusiasm as everyone around her. Nishinoya ran to join Bokuto at the front of the claque, along with Haruto. Kiyoko was in the front line, the Japan flag held high as hers and Ushijima’s two older daughters, Shiragiku and Sayuri, followed the choreography and sang the claque’s cheers. Takeru and Tsuzuki were already there as well, following the wave of excitement. Kuroo and Yukie were on their feet, jumping like teenagers along with an overly excited Shou. And even Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s parents were cheering furiously from their places above them.

_ “Yes, volleyball royalty,” _ the woman said, gently and calmly, like the intensity of the final rally wasn’t affecting her at all. The ball encountered Michi’s left hand with a stunning precision and a tremendous straight spike - Ushijima’s signature move - broke through the three women wall and smashed the other side of the court.  _ “She’s Oikawa Tooru’s daughter.” _

_ [IWAIZUMI SCORES! JAPAN IS THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!] _

**Owarida**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A.N.:** _“We found wonderland” - Wonderland, 1989 by Taylor Swift_
> 
> And this is it!
> 
> A very - very! - special thank you to **@JustAnAvidReader** for putting up with me and my crazy grammar inconsistencies, for beta-ing this whole thing even though she never watched/read HQ, for all the times my incorrect use of prepositions gave her horrendous mental images (to which I always replied with _"Cuz this is th'iiiiiiiiillaaaaaa, th'iiiillaaaa night!"_ and she never kicked me for it) and for all the lovely work she has done over this last year  <3
> 
> And, of course, to my dearest **@Mikan_ne** , who put up with so much shit from me and my troubled mind, who never said no when I would rant non-stop on whatsapp in the middle of the night, or when I sent insane messages because Oikawa was ruining my plot again! Who spent too much time with me developing the psychological profile of these characters and who told me to fuck off the few times my brain came up with some ridiculous shit. Thank you so much for this insane rollercoaster that was plotting and writing Kaleido, I wouldn't have made it without you <3
> 
>  
> 
> **Headcanons are in the next chapter as an extra.**
> 
>  
> 
> To all my readers, thank you so much for coming this far and for following this whole development. I honestly hope you like it and let me know what you think on a review, please :)
> 
> If you want to chitchat, see what I'm currently working on, discuss a character or a plot or simply drop by to say "hi", you can reach out to me on tumblr: **[emcakira.tumblr.com](emcakira.tumblr.com)** or on twitter: **[@emcakira](https://twitter.com/emcAkira)**
> 
> With all this said, _Kaleidoscope of Loud Heartbeats_ is officially finished.
> 
> Thank you,  
> Akira


	17. Extra: Headcanons

**Especial extra:** **  
** _Kaleidoscope of Loud Heartbeats Headcanons_

 

**Ushijima**

  * Ushijima adopted his cat in the beginning of their 2nd year of University.
  * It was against University rules to keep pets in the dormitories, but he and Oikawa managed to keep it a secret (Shimizu and a couple of other team members helped).
  * Riiri (lily) is an all black, male cat, with a very - very! - fluffy, short fur and a long tail.
  * Riiri was already an adult cat when Ushijima adopt him from an animal shelter. He is close to 14 years old in the current timeline.
  * The reason why Ushijima got a cat was because he read a few studies that said cats help with depression, anxiety and overall emotional support, and he thought that could be a way to help Oikawa.
  * He got the habit of putting Riiri on Oikawa’s lap every time Oikawa was not ok and he noticed that Oikawa’s mindset did, indeed, improve with the cat’s presence.
  * He never told Oikawa about this.
  * He has several cacti and succulents and he adores them very much.
  * He names the plants after the person who gave them to him or after the store where he bought them.
  * He has “Oikawa”, “Oikawa Tooru” and “Captain” named cacti.
  * He names the cacti that Shimizu gave him after adjectives he would use to describe her, like “Shizuka (peaceful)”, “Kirei (beautiful)” and “Airashii (lovely)”.
  * He finds Michi super adorable and he really likes that she is fierce and passionate about volleyball.
  * He gets a bit emotional when Michi starts to call him “Uncle Toshi” and he gets super excited when 12yo Michi asks him to teach her how to spike with the left hand.
  * Ushijima and Shimizu had 4 daughters:
    * 白菊 - Shiragiku (Chrysanthemum white) - 10yo in the epilogue
    * 小百合 - Sayuri (Orange lily) - 8yo
    * 水仙 - Suisen (Daffodil) - 5yo
    * 紫苑 - Shion (Aster tataricus) - 2yo
    * The four of them are named after flowers and all of them look like slightly different versions of Shimizu (Ushijima is very happy with that).



 

**Devi**

  * Devi is a Scottish business woman and she’s the director and one of the main board members of a massive and powerful international bank.
  * Initially, Devi was going to be the CEO and Chairman of a big automotive company, but that would make her a clear copy of General Motors’ [Mary Barra](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Barra); and, although Devi was indeed inspired by Barra, I didn’t want her to be a clear copy-paste, so I changed her industry and main titles.
  * Devi is a monster when it comes to business and work, but in her private life she’s a bit goofy, funny and easily gets overly excited about silly things.
  * Although she’s Scottish-born, Devi is of Indian origins.



 

**Oikawa**

  * After their split at AobaJousai’s graduation, it took Oikawa close to two years before he was emotionally stable enough to dare get sexually close to another person.
  * He had countless dates and hookups and, after his National Team debut, Oikawa started to date pretty women from the entertainment world. He was never serious with any of them, but he always treated them like they were truly especially -> This made all his previous dates talk beautifully about him and spread the rumour of how much of a perfect prince charming he was, even when their relationships never lasted.
  * With his career at risk, Oikawa never went to Shinjuku nichoume (Tokyo’s gay district) looking for sex. He preferred to fuck men when he was abroad and away from any potential paparazzi or gossip.
  * Ushijima and Shou were his pillars during those 12 years and they never failed to help him to his feet again.
  * Oikawa treasures immensely his friendship with Ushijima and he is astonishingly thankful for having him in his life. He, of course, never told any of this to Ushijima himself.
  * Oikawa moved in with Iwaizumi after the summer Olympics of 2016.
  * He started taking Michi with him to the National Team practices every now and then and the whole team kinda adopted Michi as their unofficial mascot.
  * A few paparazzi notice the little girl and start digging. Some of the paparazzi push the subject a bit hard before suddenly dropping it - Iwaizumi’s influence on Tokyo’s police had a hand on this, but Oikawa doesn’t know;
  * They had been living together for a few months when Michi calls Oikawa dada for the first time. Iwaizumi had come home late and was exhausted, Michi was a bit sick and had a nightmare, so Oikawa picked her up from her room and took care of her until she was not scared by the nightmare anymore. He ended up taking her to his and Iwaizumi’s room to sleep with them (so she could feel safe and he could keep an eye on her). They’re about to fall asleep when she tells him “Thank you, dada!” and, obviously, Oikawa becomes very emotional with that. Iwaizumi heard it and, delicately, hugs Oikawa tightly from behind, giving him stability.
  * Oikawa and Devi meet shortly after Oikawa moved in with Iwaizumi and, although Oikawa was ridiculously stressed about meeting her, they end up getting along pretty well.
  * Over the years, Oikawa and Devi become good friends (with a healthy dose of teasing each other - and Iwachan).
  * Oikawa, Kuroo and Bokuto became an explosive combination that Iwaizumi doesn’t know how to deal with and wants to kick them most of the time.
  * On the other hand, Ushijima and Iwaizumi get along so well and so smoothly that Oikawa sometimes gets jealous of them (also known as: Oikawa is a petty idiot and Iwachan loves him anyway).
  * Oikawa tells his parents about this relationship with Iwaizumi during christmas of that year. Shou is present and she makes sure to fully support him and to be there for him at any given moment.
  * Unlike Iwaizumi’s parents, Oikawa’s were not ready for this kind of sudden news (Oikawa had been dating pretty women from the TV for over a decade after all), and they don’t take it as smoothly as they could have.
  * Shou is very important during the few weeks after, calming down Oikawa and making sure their parents are processing all information correctly.
  * Oikawa’s parents eventually accept the whole situation and, in a couple of years, they start to host christmas parties with the whole family (Iwaizumi’s included).
  * Oikawa almost had a cardiac attack when 13yo Michi told him that “I want to receive your jump serve, captain!” (Nishinoya got super excited about this and didn’t stop annoying Oikawa to let Michi receive a jump serve from him).
  * Oikawa has a tendency of being a bit overprotective of Michi, but he called to reason by Iwaizumi himself (Ushijima and Shou also help a lot on this).
  * He is the proudest parent in the world every time Michi accomplishes something and he can’t avoid making sure everyone knows about it.
  * Oikawa started referring to Iwaizumi as his husband long before they actually got married.



 

**Iwaizumi**

  * Friday is Kuroo and Yukie “date night”, so Iwaizumi usually has the 3 kids with him on Fridays. Most of the times, Bokuto stays the night too to help out with the kids.
  * Iwaizumi stopped smoking on the precise moment he decided he was going to keep and raise Michi, when Devi was 5 months pregnant.
  * He accepted to keep the apartment where he was living with Devi (which is in Michi’s name), but he changed the entire interior decoration, including colours and most materials - he wanted a completely fresh start and he knew he couldn’t do that if the apartment kept reminding him of his ex.
  * Devi offered him all possible support he would need to raise Michi, from 24/7 nurses and child-care options, to all variety of equipment and toys, and a ridiculously high parent monthly pension. Iwaizumi could have retired and lived comfortably for the rest of his life with that money, but he decided to open a savings account for Michi where he put all the money Devi sent him.
  * After Oikawa moved in with them and Michi grew up a little bit more, they start having family vacations overseas on a bi-yearly basis. Also, he and Michi started to travel to go support Oikawa on his international competitions.
  * Iwaizumi freaked out when he found out that Michi asked Oikawa to receive his jump serve  
(“His serve is like a cannon, Kuroo! Everyone knows what it can do to a not prepared receiver, and she wants to get herself directly in front of it! How am I supposed to be ok with my little girl walking in front of a cannon?!”)
  * He spoke with Oikawa and, after a lot of hesitation, they decided to let Michi receive the serve (after she spent a few weeks training with Noya just for that).
  * When Oikawa and Michi arrived home one night, Michi’s left cheek was completely swollen and turning black and blue, but she also had the biggest smile Iwaizumi had ever seen on her face when she said “I received dada’s serve!” - Oikawa cried for over an hour that night (when he was alone with Iwaizumi in their room), because one of the serves hit her directly in the face and he couldn’t bear the guilt.
  * Iwaizumi and Oikawa got married only a couple of months after the legalisation of same-sex marriage in Japan. (Michi arrived home early one day, running and screaming like a maniac while waving around a piece of newspaper. Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi got ridiculously confused with the whole situation and Michi shoved the newspaper into Oikawa’s hands before running out of the apartment because she was late for volleyball practice, screaming “Just freaking do it!”. Still very confused, Oikawa and Iwaizumi finally looked at the newspaper where the legalisation of same-sex marriage was the headline and “Did our daughter just tell us to get married?” “She definitely did!”)



 

**Michi**

  * Michi’s original concept: [Click here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bw-S3fc2wXG9R1doX3VwMWtzVDg/view?usp=sharing)
  * Michi commonly refers to Oikawa as “captain” and, in rarer cases, “dada”. She keeps the same pattern with “Ha-chan” and “papa”.
  * Because Devi is of Indian origins, Michi’s ethnicity is half Japanese and half Indian. Michi’s skin tone is slightly darker than Iwaizumi’s.
  * She pretty much grew up with the National Team, so when she becomes a junior phenomenon in the modality, although her connection with Oikawa is not widely known, some people start saying that she is “volleyball royalty” (Oikawa obviously loves this).
  * Within the senior national team members, as Michi grew up, they started to see how much of a tremendous player she would become and started to say she was meant to follow her father’s footsteps. So, sweetly (and definitely lead by Nishinoya) they started to call Michi chibi-captain.
  * Michi and Kuroo’s kids were practically siblings. Katsurou, the older one, was lazy and didn’t really get in trouble, but he cared deeply for his two younger troublemakers. Haruto and Michi were the same age and they did get in trouble every now and then at school.
  * There’s a time when Oikawa started to get worried about how incredibly close Michi and Haruto were when they were about 16 - they spent most of their time together, shared clothes and changed in front of one another, and Oikawa even saw them sharing a futon. He addressed Iwaizumi on this, who was not very worried about it, but Oikawa decided to speak with Michi anyway.  
(“We grew up together! He’s my brother!”  
“Well, Hajime and I grew up together and a lot of people saw us as brothers too and-”  
“It’s Haru-chan!”  
“It’s not a problem, Pebble, not at all. I’m just saying that… teenagers are curious and-”  
“Dada! Haru-chan likes boys!”  
“Eh? Oh…”)
  * All of Ushijima’s daughters call her “Mi-nee” and Michi calls Ushijima “Uncle Toshi” (Unless they’re playing a game together, where she calls him Wakatoshi.)
  * Kageyama is also upgraded to “Tobio-nii” very early. Later on, Michi got Hinata’s habit of calling Kageyama by different suffixes when he is not paying attention (“Tobio-nii? Tobio-nii! Kageyama! Kageyama? Kageyama-kun?! Kageyama-san!!” -> Nishinoya finds this ridiculously hilarious.)
  * Michi knew Devi was her biological mother and their relationship was similar to the one Michi had with Shou. She called Devi “Auntie Devi” the same way she called Shou “Auntie Shou”.
  * Through her entire school life, Michi didn’t really tell people that she’s Oikawa’s daughter. She wanted to advance in her career because of her qualities and capacities and not because of Oikawa’s name. So most of Michi’s school and teammates didn’t know about her relationship with Oikawa and the men’s senior national team.
  * This ended up getting her in trouble a couple of times as people said odd things about Oikawa or involving Oikawa and Michi picked up fights with them because of it.  
(“You didn’t hear what they were saying, Ha-chan! Captain’s new article is out and they were commenting on it and saying nasty things because he’s married to you and they were being really stupid about it!”  
“So you just decide to serve a couple of volleyballs to their heads?!”  
“Well, it worked *smiles innocently*”)
  * Michi also got in trouble with boys because of Oikawa and the National team. One of her very first dates was with a senpai from Itachiyama’s boys team and he spent the entire date talking about the Japanese v.league teams and how much he admired Oikawa and Ushijima.  
(“It was my date! My date, captain, and he couldn’t stop talking about you! And how much he admires you and how big of a crush he has on you! My date has a crush on my father! I don’t find this normal!!”)
  * Another of Michi’s dates, when she’s a junior in high school, was a freshman at a university in Tokyo on a volleyball scholarship. So since both of them played, he tried to impress her by taking her to one of the men’s national team private practices. This backfired horribly as Sakusa decided to go home earlier and everyone in the team noticed Michi in the bleachers and asked her to fill in for Sakusa. The date ended up with the entire team, specially Nishinoya, glaring at the poor boy with “what are your intentions towards chibi-captain?” looks.  
(“Guys, I love you very much, but you all just ruined my date! That’s not cool!!”)
  * Although Iwaizumi is reasonable tall, Devi is relatively short, so Michi doesn’t grow very tall. And though in Japan she is tall enough and can jump high enough to be a tremendous wing spiker, at an international level, she still is very good, but she’s not the very best.
  * She didn’t want to be one of top ten best wing spikers, she wanted to be the damn very best. So since she was still in high school (Itachiyama) when she was scouted for the senior National Team for the first time, she decided to sit down with the women’s National Team coach to talk about her position and her career. After this, she went home and talked with Iwaizumi about the same concerns (she knew what Oikawa thought and she didn’t want to give him false hopes before she decided anything).
  * With the full support of Iwaizumi (and as a massive surprise to Oikawa), Michi made her debut on professional Volleyball with the senior National Team as their setter and her jersey read “Oikawa - 17”.  
(“I didn’t want to use his name as an elevator for the national team, I got there by my own means. So, since I was already scouted and had proven my value, having his name on my jersey is not only the highest honour I could have, but is also the biggest homage I could pay to him.”)
  * After her senior debut, there’re a couple of seasons in which both her and Oikawa were active players, so a lot of sports magazines asked them for articles and photoshoots of them together. Oikawa kept all the articles and magazines and Iwaizumi couldn’t help feeling ridiculously happy with every single one of them.
  * Michi’s first Olympics (2028) were Oikawa’s last as a player, and this happened very shortly after Michi’s debut in the senior team under the Oikawa name herself. So, the entire Japanese media coverage of the games mentioned time and time again the “Oikawa legacy” being passed from father to daughter.
  * There’s one photo taken during those Olympics in which both Michi and Oikawa were wearing their uniforms (black), and they’re hugging with the Japanese flag around them. So the photo showed their backs with “Oikawa - 1” and “Oikawa - 17”, the Japanese flag, and a volleyball ball under Michi’s free arm. Iwaizumi loved this photo so much, he actually had it framed on his office’s desk.



 

**Curiosities and Akira’s perceptions**

  * Chapters 2 (AobaJousai’s flashback), 9 (Michi’s reveal) and Epilogue, which are chapters I always considered important, have their titles taken from Wonderland.
  * Chapters 4, 8 and 14 (sex/kissing chapters) have their titles taken from Out of the Woods.
  * Immediately after chapter 11 was published, I was at Yamashita Park, in Yokohama, on a rainy and windy day, and I regretted very much that I wrote the scene of chapter 11 there, as the park is truly horrendous when the weather is bad.
  * Chapters 1, 2, 6 and 12 are the ones that I like the least.
  * Chapter 10 is, by far, my favourite - especially the last 2 scenes.
  * The sex scene in chapter 14 was the scene that took me longer to write, as those two idiots kept changing the mood and ruining my plans. I wrote that scene over 9 days in a row, a little bit every night after work, and I hated every single moment of it. I do love the scene, but I hated writing it.
  * Out of the entire fic, the only two scenes that never changed from the moment I plotted them to the moment they were published, were Michi’s reveal on chapter 9 and the epilogue.
  * Japanese volleyball league teams are never mentioned in this work because the only team that is based in Tokyo is a not-so-good team and I didn’t want Oikawa and Ushiwaka to play for a not-so-good team. (There’s a much more detailed explanation of this on page 3 of the comments, as a review reply to Marichan).
  * The very 1st basis of this plot was born when I was in nichoume (November 2015) visiting a friend that works at a gay Irish pub and thought “I would love to have adult Oikawa and adult Iwaizumi living in Tokyo and coming to these kinds of bars.”
  * Kaleido is 55k words long and it took me one year and two months to plot and write the whole thing. I find this horribly long, as I plotted and wrote a 35k OtaYuri in 4 months (which will be sent to my beta soon and I hope to have it published before the northern hemisphere summer).
  * The emotional depths of both fanfics cannot be comparable, but who says I pay attention to that? x)
  * For the construction of Kaleido, my plot-beta and I spent countless hours - days even! - in between whatsapp voice messages, emails, skype calls, dinners with late night talks and desperate texting, to be able to build the psychological profile of each character and how they would react to x or y situations. Over the last year, we spent more time discussing Oikawa’s troubled mind than actually talking about our private lives, this can give you an idea of how much we worked on Kaleido and all its characters.
  * This work helped me a lot with the emotional development of characters and with understanding the core of the human being. Being able to sit down and go over the canon’s profiles of each character, understanding the psychological traces and how they would/could develop made me very much aware of a lot of personality details on the people that surround my daily life.
  * But, most of all, it made me understand a lot better the unconscious strengths and weaknesses of one’s mind and how fascinating people can be. I still hate humans in general, but I see some in a different light now.
  * If I was to re-write this entire work right now, the only thing I would change would be to include Tendou, as I find his canon friendship with Ushijima one of the purest things in all HQ.




End file.
